Ten's Top Dozen Tips from a 150+ day Fapstronaut

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Hello brothers and sisters,

I use the forum a lot and noticed a lot of people continuing to fail like I once used to. Here are my top dozen tips for making it through your first, consistent 90 days.

1. Don't continue to question your initial decision to heal
The addict's brain lives in all of us. It will try to be sneaky and have you rationalize or question your choice to go clean. This is because of the chemical addiction. Gretchen Reuben, author of habit-formation self-help books, says people who stick most to their goals are the ones who decide ONCE and then don't waste their mental energy continuing to requestion their decision or purpose. So just make the choice to stop PMO once, and then mindlessly follow through for 90 days ACTING that choice out. It's mundane, yet it'll get you through the challenge and will protect you from the gremlin who whispers in your ear all the lies and falsehoods as to why you should relapse. Don't listen to that gremlin! Remind yourself that you've made the choice already so you don't have to think about it further.

2. Don't jump into the cooking pot: avoid trigger-seeking at ALL costs
So this world is hypersexualized. We are exposed to sexy ads everywhere and there are a million ways companies use enticement to manipulate and seduce our senses. Choosing to abstain and HEAL in a world such as this is no easy thing, so don't make it any harder. Remind yourself that there is a facet of your current being that desperately wants to keep things the way they have been these last few years: miserable but fueling. That facet is the gremlin who is hooked on the dopamine of the urge, the excitement of the search, the constant need for novelty and escalation. That part of your psyche does not care about your greater health. It only cares about feeding. When you intentionally trigger-seek, you are playing with fire and giving that gremlin fuel. You are allowing the urge level to rise to the point of no-return where you toss your noble intention aside for a dirty wad rag. As an addict, there are going to be tricks your brain is going to play on you to try to convince you to peek, test, or play stupid as you put yourself in a bad situation. You know the outcome. Your higher brain knows there are lines best not crossed. Do not cross them or even approach them! Help yourself heal! My motto is "I'm a healing man and I abstain" and this is what I say to myself over and over as a nicer way of telling myself NO. Self-denial leads to self-discipline. Self-discipline leads us to results we end up taking pride in. But we can only get there if we don't trigger seek. If you are tempted to do so, recognize that your are escalating as a reaction to an emotion. Identify that emotion and then practice a new vehicle as a response. Instead of seeking out, seek within. Write in a journal, draw, call a friend, help a neighbor. The more you start redirecting the flow, the easier time you will have with keeping that gremlin asleep (so you can suffocate him to death while he does).

3. Install P blockers so you can have insurance against yourself
Look, I understand the final goal is to have the will power to not expose yourself to P on the Internet without aid and that is a fine goal. But right now, you have to admit to yourself that you are not well. Living at home with a device without a blocker as an addict is the same as asking a recovering alcoholic to live in a bar. It's time to lock away the poison! There are plenty of tools that you can deploy on your machines, your tablets, your cell phones, and your routers, so that you can have safeguards in place that will slow you down when you get triggered too deeply. Instead of giving yourself the avenues to a painful relapse, give yourself the security of mind knowing that you won't easily make a costly mistake to your streak by seeing the wrong thing. P images and titillating images all burn into the eye balls. They take a long time to be forgotten to a person trying to break free of the vicious cycle. Give yourself every opportunity to be protected. Install the blockers and add the security levels which will all be an active expression of your commitment to quit. This thread talks about the technologies: https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/other-porn-blocker-than-k9.61784/ I like K-9, Qustodio, and OpenDNS. But if you read the thread, there is an option there for every scenario.

4. Back away from the electronic devices at the sign of any escalation

If you feel like you are starting the process of trigger or P-sub seeking, immediately turn your machines off and go do something else (preferrably in public). This is on top of having the blockers installed. Why? Because it's a conscious decision you are taking and that decision and action will keep reinforcing your commitment to your subconscious. It's smart to have a plan at hand and recognize when the best decision to protect your streak is to run. I had a coffee shop near my house which I used as my escape location. Having one pre-planned for yourself could prove useful.

5. Remind yourself daily why you are quitting PMO

This can be done by having a list of the reasons printed or written out somewhere you can easily see and read through. I would maybe create an exhaustive list, and then pick out the top five which you feel would motivate you the most to read.

6. Use the power of the Ignore Member feature here on NoFap
Sadly, we can't save everyone and not everyone wants to be saved. Maximize your time on NoFap by putting people on the Ignore list. Reading how frequent others are habitually relapsing might be having a bad affect on you. By putting them on ignore while you are reaching 90, you won't be exposed or influenced by their continued relapses. Have it so that the list you see on a visit to this forum is a list of the people that inspire you, or mirror your desire to move ahead. Limit your exposure to the ones having the most trouble, as you may not be able to help them and their processes might actually be hurting yours.

7. Don't touch your wang, Don't look at it, Pretend it's Not There
It's something you use to piss with, and during pisses, you can use your underwear band to hold it up. Don't look at it, don't fiddle with it, don't pay attention to it when you have morning wood. You and your dick are not on speaking terms and your hands and it are on a long-term timeout.

8. Visualize and physically manifest the days you've earned in real life somehow
Somewhere start creating something tangible that represents the number of days you've accomplished out of the 90. Knots in a rope, dry erase marker markings on the bathroom mirror, cards on a table. This collection is what you are building, and if it exists outside of NoFap and in real life, it just makes it that much more real.

9. Continue to build yourself up in other ways
Keep being great to yourself outside the scope of NoFap and the challenge. Get a haircut more often, update your wardrobe in small increments, clean up your place, wash your car every weekend, continue to practice your instruments, go out and make new friends, balance your budget, accomplish new tasks at work.... It all start melding as you do these things and that positive flow will support your streak progression.

10. Tell a friend what is going on and what you are doing
Is there someone you trust that's not family? Anyone a dear friend who shows you love and cares deeply for you that's a man? (Men understand more about this than women). If there is, tell that person that you feel addicted and that you are doing this challenge to help yourself get clean. It's a powerful thing to do and really crossed me over the line towards success. If you don't have a friend like this, consider going to see a priest and just letting them know. Or, last option, see a therapist or a life coach and spill the beans to them.

11. Avoid alcohol and thought-changing drugs (this includes MO)
Stay away from anything that reduces your ability to stay in control of your thoughts and mind. You are on a quest and you need every iota of thought and energy. You have to have control and be constantly careful of avoiding getting triggered. When we're sober, we do this the best.

12. Sleep well, and avoid night-thinking or night-time computer use
At the end of the day, we're at our weakest. Our mind grows tired and requires sleep. Performing actions that can lead to PMO during this time is a bad way to go. So set a bed time and get yourself to sleep at it daily. Proclaim to yourself that you'll make important decisions in the morning when you are most fresh for thought.

And there you have it. Don't forget... Love yourself and be strong. We don't have tomorrow guaranteed, so how do you want to go out if this was your last day on Earth? Be a fighter with strength and strategy. Respect yourself. Win!
thanks man !! im on day 51
 
Thanks for all the suggestions. I put K9 on my computer three weeks ago and have been sober since. I have been fighting this addiction for 14 long years and was resistant to putting on a blocker. I finally got to a point where I realized I REALLY couldn't do this no matter what I tried. I had to get over the pride of not being able to do this (see SA step one powerlessness). Once I truly admitted that I was powerless I got over myself and put the blocker on. K9 is saving my life. All your other suggestions were also great and I am doing some of them and will add the others.
 
I tried K9 for a while and made an excuse to get rid of it. I'm getting to the point that I may need to install it and set a random password that I'll never remember
 
A friend has my password and I have his.

I would also suggest going to SA or SAA. I think that many of the mistakes that men (and women) make in seeking sobriety is that they never get into a recovery program. If one doesn't seek recovery then they never deal with the issue that led them to porn in the first place.
 
Gretchen Reuben, author of habit-formation self-help books, says people who stick most to their goals are the ones who decide ONCE and then don't waste their mental energy continuing to requestion their decision or purpose
Love this!
 
@MyNameIsX Most of my time is spend in the Success stories section. I do browse in journals I have seen of OP's whom are changing their mindset, and manages to jump from 3 days to 15 days of NoFap and so on.

-

Thank you for sharing your own insights @Ten
 
Damn. As a new user on this site, this post spoke to me on so many damn levels.

The way my brain tries to rationalize my relapses (before I found this site) or play 'tricks' as you describe it- so accurately describes my experience. It's exactly like a drug- I'll tell myself, "I'll just go on for 10 minutes, watch but not masturbate". 1 hour later....

Thanks so much for sharing. Posts like these give me strength to continue up the long road to redemption.
 
great post. In the past I have tried this many times and I failed miserably. And then I start looking at the root of the problem and it was nobody else but me. I couldn't blame my upbringing, I couldn't blame what happened to me in the past, I couldn't blame the girls who rejected me when I was in high school, I couldn't blame my parents not understanding the culture that we lived in, I couldn't blame my small stature when I was younger, I could've blamed anything or anyone but myself. And then I accepted what had happened to me because different people have a different history and there's no perfect history.

Then I start looking at the root of the problem and how to go about it. The biggest determining factor for me was why I needed to stop watching porn. And the answer to this question was I don't want to die a lonely old man still watching porn. That image is so horrifying for me. I would like to find a soulmate and settle down and have kids. That is the main reason why I stopped watching porn.

I can't believe I'm on day 10. This morning I woke up with an erection and I thought to myself life is good. Last night I went boating with my brother and normally we get drunk. This time we didn't drink at all and it's a good thing. Drinking and porn go hand-in-hand for me. Even though we went and environment that drinking is perfectly normal and the diet in the past, this time we chose not to do it.

I can take it one day at a time and I tell myself "no porn for me today!"

Keep up the good work everyone and we will get through this.
 
Had my first reset two days ago, thought the 90 day challenge was going to be easier for me than it really is. Just wanted to say, and not trying to be hyperbolic, but this is the most helpful post that I've. Hopefully I'll be smart enough to go back to it when times get tough.

Hello brothers and sisters,

I use the forum a lot and noticed a lot of people continuing to fail like I once used to. Here are my top dozen tips for making it through your first, consistent 90 days.

1. Don't continue to question your initial decision to heal
The addict's brain lives in all of us. It will try to be sneaky and have you rationalize or question your choice to go clean. This is because of the chemical addiction. Gretchen Reuben, author of habit-formation self-help books, says people who stick most to their goals are the ones who decide ONCE and then don't waste their mental energy continuing to requestion their decision or purpose. So just make the choice to stop PMO once, and then mindlessly follow through for 90 days ACTING that choice out. It's mundane, yet it'll get you through the challenge and will protect you from the gremlin who whispers in your ear all the lies and falsehoods as to why you should relapse. Don't listen to that gremlin! Remind yourself that you've made the choice already so you don't have to think about it further.

2. Don't jump into the cooking pot: avoid trigger-seeking at ALL costs
So this world is hypersexualized. We are exposed to sexy ads everywhere and there are a million ways companies use enticement to manipulate and seduce our senses. Choosing to abstain and HEAL in a world such as this is no easy thing, so don't make it any harder. Remind yourself that there is a facet of your current being that desperately wants to keep things the way they have been these last few years: miserable but fueling. That facet is the gremlin who is hooked on the dopamine of the urge, the excitement of the search, the constant need for novelty and escalation. That part of your psyche does not care about your greater health. It only cares about feeding. When you intentionally trigger-seek, you are playing with fire and giving that gremlin fuel. You are allowing the urge level to rise to the point of no-return where you toss your noble intention aside for a dirty wad rag. As an addict, there are going to be tricks your brain is going to play on you to try to convince you to peek, test, or play stupid as you put yourself in a bad situation. You know the outcome. Your higher brain knows there are lines best not crossed. Do not cross them or even approach them! Help yourself heal! My motto is "I'm a healing man and I abstain" and this is what I say to myself over and over as a nicer way of telling myself NO. Self-denial leads to self-discipline. Self-discipline leads us to results we end up taking pride in. But we can only get there if we don't trigger seek. If you are tempted to do so, recognize that your are escalating as a reaction to an emotion. Identify that emotion and then practice a new vehicle as a response. Instead of seeking out, seek within. Write in a journal, draw, call a friend, help a neighbor. The more you start redirecting the flow, the easier time you will have with keeping that gremlin asleep (so you can suffocate him to death while he does).

3. Install P blockers so you can have insurance against yourself
Look, I understand the final goal is to have the will power to not expose yourself to P on the Internet without aid and that is a fine goal. But right now, you have to admit to yourself that you are not well. Living at home with a device without a blocker as an addict is the same as asking a recovering alcoholic to live in a bar. It's time to lock away the poison! There are plenty of tools that you can deploy on your machines, your tablets, your cell phones, and your routers, so that you can have safeguards in place that will slow you down when you get triggered too deeply. Instead of giving yourself the avenues to a painful relapse, give yourself the security of mind knowing that you won't easily make a costly mistake to your streak by seeing the wrong thing. P images and titillating images all burn into the eye balls. They take a long time to be forgotten to a person trying to break free of the vicious cycle. Give yourself every opportunity to be protected. Install the blockers and add the security levels which will all be an active expression of your commitment to quit. This thread talks about the technologies: https://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/other-porn-blocker-than-k9.61784/ I like K-9, Qustodio, and OpenDNS. But if you read the thread, there is an option there for every scenario.

4. Back away from the electronic devices at the sign of any escalation

If you feel like you are starting the process of trigger or P-sub seeking, immediately turn your machines off and go do something else (preferrably in public). This is on top of having the blockers installed. Why? Because it's a conscious decision you are taking and that decision and action will keep reinforcing your commitment to your subconscious. It's smart to have a plan at hand and recognize when the best decision to protect your streak is to run. I had a coffee shop near my house which I used as my escape location. Having one pre-planned for yourself could prove useful.

5. Remind yourself daily why you are quitting PMO

This can be done by having a list of the reasons printed or written out somewhere you can easily see and read through. I would maybe create an exhaustive list, and then pick out the top five which you feel would motivate you the most to read.

6. Use the power of the Ignore Member feature here on NoFap
Sadly, we can't save everyone and not everyone wants to be saved. Maximize your time on NoFap by putting people on the Ignore list. Reading how frequent others are habitually relapsing might be having a bad affect on you. By putting them on ignore while you are reaching 90, you won't be exposed or influenced by their continued relapses. Have it so that the list you see on a visit to this forum is a list of the people that inspire you, or mirror your desire to move ahead. Limit your exposure to the ones having the most trouble, as you may not be able to help them and their processes might actually be hurting yours.

7. Don't touch your wang, Don't look at it, Pretend it's Not There
It's something you use to piss with, and during pisses, you can use your underwear band to hold it up. Don't look at it, don't fiddle with it, don't pay attention to it when you have morning wood. You and your dick are not on speaking terms and your hands and it are on a long-term timeout.

8. Visualize and physically manifest the days you've earned in real life somehow
Somewhere start creating something tangible that represents the number of days you've accomplished out of the 90. Knots in a rope, dry erase marker markings on the bathroom mirror, cards on a table. This collection is what you are building, and if it exists outside of NoFap and in real life, it just makes it that much more real.

9. Continue to build yourself up in other ways
Keep being great to yourself outside the scope of NoFap and the challenge. Get a haircut more often, update your wardrobe in small increments, clean up your place, wash your car every weekend, continue to practice your instruments, go out and make new friends, balance your budget, accomplish new tasks at work.... It all start melding as you do these things and that positive flow will support your streak progression.

10. Tell a friend what is going on and what you are doing
Is there someone you trust that's not family? Anyone a dear friend who shows you love and cares deeply for you that's a man? (Men understand more about this than women). If there is, tell that person that you feel addicted and that you are doing this challenge to help yourself get clean. It's a powerful thing to do and really crossed me over the line towards success. If you don't have a friend like this, consider going to see a priest and just letting them know. Or, last option, see a therapist or a life coach and spill the beans to them.

11. Avoid alcohol and thought-changing drugs (this includes MO)
Stay away from anything that reduces your ability to stay in control of your thoughts and mind. You are on a quest and you need every iota of thought and energy. You have to have control and be constantly careful of avoiding getting triggered. When we're sober, we do this the best.

12. Sleep well, and avoid night-thinking or night-time computer use
At the end of the day, we're at our weakest. Our mind grows tired and requires sleep. Performing actions that can lead to PMO during this time is a bad way to go. So set a bed time and get yourself to sleep at it daily. Proclaim to yourself that you'll make important decisions in the morning when you are most fresh for thought.

And there you have it. Don't forget... Love yourself and be strong. We don't have tomorrow guaranteed, so how do you want to go out if this was your last day on Earth? Be a fighter with strength and strategy. Respect yourself. Win!
 
This is really good! I am adding this to my bookmarks.
Keep the fight on everybody! We can all do it, we can reach our goal!
 
3. Install P blockers so you can have insurance against yourself


Hey, quick question- I've used this method before. What would you suggest I do in order to make sure I cant uninstall it? Ive tried locking myself out of uninstall by creating an impossible to remember password for the admin key (this is for k9 web protection), and I also did the same thing with the email I used for K9... But what I end up doing is using an alternative software to forcefully uninstall it.

I recognize that this is my own doing, but that's kind of the point. My PMO addicted brain still found a way, I had even factory resetted my computer before just to rid myself of K9 before I knew about the alternative program. This of course took a lot of effort and patience. I've come to terms with the fact that this addiction is severe.


Could you, or anyone else, perhaps, provide some ideas as to how I could lock myself out further? Maybe a better program than K9?


I REALLY want to beat this thing, and I have a good streak going right now. I know how much that doesnt mean shit though, because you can fall at ANY point. Its scary to consider that..

I dont want to fail.
 
Hey, quick question- I've used this method before. What would you suggest I do in order to make sure I cant uninstall it? Ive tried locking myself out of uninstall by creating an impossible to remember password for the admin key (this is for k9 web protection), and I also did the same thing with the email I used for K9... But what I end up doing is using an alternative software to forcefully uninstall it.

Does your ISP have a setting to block inappropriate sites? Mine has a child safe option, which is linked to a shared email account between me and my wife. If I try and change it, there's an immediate email notification. I'll tell you now that that level of accountability is a huge help. The bonus is that no matter what computer you use, you'll have no luck with accessing those sites.
 
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