Terrified I may have caused permanent damage

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Rox7, Feb 28, 2020.

  1. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    Background info: I'm 24 years old, male, gay, American, and haven't been sexually active since I was 18. Never had any problems with ED when I had sexual encounters in my teens but I've developed what I believe is very severe PIED over the last 4 years or so. I often can't even get an erection to porn anymore and when I do it's not nearly as full as it used to be, and it never lasts the entire session. I've been masturbating to porn since I was maybe 13.

    But all of this pales in comparison to something else that has been really worrying me: I'm afraid, terrified, that all the times when I masturbated my mostly flaccid penis with what was basically a death grip have lead to me irritating my penis/urethra to the point where I might have permanent trauma like a urethral stricture or something. For about two months or so I've noticed I'll sometimes have a painful ejaculation when masturbating, and I've noticed after I'm done peeing I drip slightly more than I think I used to. My urethra has also just felt plain sore for a while, and seems to be worst when I 1) masturbate for a long period, or 2) abstain from masturbation for about a week. Polar opposites, I know.

    ANYWAY I went to a urologist recently for my ED as well as my varicocele (yes, another problem down there, not to mention the fact that I have giant squiggly veins on my penis that I didn't used to have until fairly recently.) He basically was convinced that the ED was in some way psychological and gave me a low dose ED med prescription to take daily for a while. But when he was examining me, he stretched out my penis rather forcefully and I had a pain in my urethra, which he seemed kind of surprised at. It's the same place the pain always happens, kind of like where the head of the penis meets the shaft. I'm scared that I have damaged myself completely and have no hope of ever having a normal sex life ever again, or that I will need major surgery to repair something. I didn't tell the urologist all of this, but I did say I was concerned that I felt pain when he examined me, which he didn't seem to think was that big of a deal. Anyway, this might be a TL;DR for a lot of people and I get that, but I'm just so worried about this. I've been trying NoFap again after a while, but relapsed recently after a 9-day streak and had a 7-day streak a week or two before. Highest streak I ever had was 14 days back in 2016. I'd normally never post in a forum like this so please understand how desperate and defeated I feel about this.
     
  2. Well, I cannot stop relapsing too, I keep on watching porn even tho my dick and other internal organs start to hurt whenever I do the deed.
     
  3. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Not a doctor, but from personal experience the ED likely is psychological, you have slowly conditioned yourself to only respond to porn and if that goes on too long then even porn stops working. Do you ever have wet dreams? I realised my ED was mental and not physical when I started to have wet dreams and morning erections that were just as strong as normal.

    As for the other stuff, I experience something like this and it comes and goes, I'm unsure if it is caused by masturbation or something else. My method of trying to lessen the impact of it is to drink enough water to be hydrated but not so much that it causes constant urination, reduce caffeine intake to every once in a while, and to practice pelvic floor exercises, as I am starting to think that excessive masturbation causes an imbalance in the pelvic floor that can cause these problems. Not masturbating as much helps as well but inexplicably sometimes masturbation reduces the symptoms so I cant say for sure that quitting masturbation cold turkey will actually help, it seems to vary too much to be entirely certain.
     
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  4. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    Hi, thanks for your reply. I never really got a lot of wet dreams, only really a few times in my early to mid teens. I do still get morning erections to some extent, but they are usually only like halfway full. A week or two ago I actually woke up with a full, or near full, erection and was honestly shocked. It was the first time I've seen it that full in a while. Of course it disappeared within like 90 seconds of standing up, but it was something.

    I get what you mean about masturbating sometimes helping. That's happened to me before. But this time that didn't happen. I relapsed hard into porn yesterday and my penis still feels sore. It seems like the pattern is that I'll stop and then a few days later it starts to feel better but then around 7 days the pain comes back, though usually not as strong.
     
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  5. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    I can relate unfortunately. Haven't really had internal organ pain, other than maybe just above the groin occasionally, but I can understand how that might be related to overmasturbating.
     
  6. The most fucked up thing here is that I no longer jerk off cuz of being horny. I mostly jerk off out of boredom.
     
  7. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    This x100. Other than relapsing after a streak, I can't remember the last time I actually did it because I was aroused. I'm either bored, stressed, or I just feel like I have to do it out of compulsion. It's pretty messed up.
     
  8. Btw, have you noticed that your desire for sex and attraction have diminished drastically?
     
  9. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    Absolutely. Like I'll literally see someone attractive in real life and my mind will be like, nice, can't wait to go jerk off to someone completely different online. It's like my mind just skips the attraction part and goes straight to the porn. I guess it just shows how much I've wired myself to only get off from porn. And when I'm trying NoFap, the urges won't be like I want to be with someone in real life, just to watch porn. I literally thought maybe my testosterone was low but no, it's within normal range.
     
  10. Well, lately I have been watching some extreme porn as turns me on better, but due to my mental health issue I wanna quit porn for good.
     
  11. I think abstaining from pmo will help us a lot. My current goal is to do a week without any pmo, hopefully I will cope.
     
  12. Free your mind

    Free your mind Fapstronaut

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    Try to to it for a week, but dont stop. Continue after a week and see how long you can handle. This shit about attraction is due to porn for sure.
     
  13. Tommmy1988

    Tommmy1988 Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro,i hope that gets better with time,but i dont get why do you say complete problems here but you hide all your symptoms from actuall professional..dont get me wrong but nobody here will cure you with their answers as you need to get that looked better especially if its a pain you feel..it might just be over use of your penis but get it checked better.
    You can also do an ultrasound to see everthing down,you just might have tight pelvic muscles that you need to relax..
    Sorry if i felt a bit negative,just want you to stop panicking(we all do it :) ),and get answers from a proffesional first
     
  14. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    Hey no worries you're not being negative at all. It's good advice. The thing is that I wasn't really so worried about it until after my appointment. I have appointments already booked for the future so if by some chance it didn't improve I could bring it up. I know nobody here can cure me, just needed to vent a bit and feel like others could at least somewhat relate. Thanks for your reply.
     
  15. Tommmy1988

    Tommmy1988 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah i get it :) just remember it might be nothing serious,your brains takes the worst diagnosis as soon as you read about something or think more about it.. :)
     
  16. Rox7

    Rox7 Fapstronaut

    Yeah that's true. They always say to never Google health concerns. My plan is to keep going with NoFap and hope for the best. That and try not to freak out. Thanks man it means a lot.
     
  17. kokokoko99

    kokokoko99 Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to everything you wrote. Check out my symptoms and let me know if you hv same. You can find my post history on reddit
     
  18. domasfernandez

    domasfernandez Fapstronaut

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    Bro I read your post and I want to ask how are you now? Are you good with your erections now?
     

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