Texting girls - serious issues

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Madmooove, Jul 27, 2019.

  1. Madmooove

    Madmooove Fapstronaut

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    Hi all,

    I'm male, 19 years.
    When I was younger (from about 11) I was initially addicted to sex scenes in music videos, then films and gradually to porn. However I never really masturbated to it. Then one time (when I was 17) I did what I had heard from word of mouth - to a really good looking p**nstar.

    However the real issues came after I began using sexting as a vice. I always used to get semi-erections when messaging girls (I was never really a social person and didn't get to meet girls often). However one day (when I was 18) I PMO'd to a girl on instagram I was talking to. It soon became an addiction, I went off p*rn as it became creepy to me. But in reality I was replacing one addiction with another. For the last 2-3 years I have been consumed by it; going through phases where I would 'edge' or sext the girl(s), becoming reclusive, until I got slow replies or rejection (probably from trying to steer the conversation sexually all the time), then I would bash out of frustration. After I bashed for 2-3 days, possibly 4-5 times in a row - until it became painful to even get a semi, I would delete all social media out of guilt and abstain for maybe a month before sliding back into it (becoming too comfy or simply finding an excuse to go back on it).

    I lost the ability to get erections, even PMO was with semi-erection. I went through cycles of starting and stopping for about 1-2 years. However recently I managed to break through: I deleted everything except whatsapp and I went 60 days without PMO. I got my erections back, even had wet dreams and strong libido for real girls. I thought I was in the clear but gave in as I was desperate to have s*x (I'm still a virgin) , I used to make excuses to go out so I could meet girls, with little success as I was nervous (I'm not bad looking so I knew that wasn't the issue). Out of frustration I ended up looking for local girls I had on my snapchat, then craving messages again, then simply sexting any girl that would reply. Eventually I PMO'd again.

    I have been trying to fix up again but after going to the club with my friend I met a girl (where strangely I was able to get a semi-erection while talking to her, I thought I'd lose attraction to real girls after PMO'ing). She's on holiday at the moment, which I hoped would give me a chance to recover so we can have s*x when she gets back. I deleted social media, but I found myself getting h*rny (with constant semis) while texting her as she likes to flirt and text all the time. I don't want to cut her off but I began craving her messages and reinstalling social media to satisfy myself while I wait for her reply. I know I sound like a beast but really I just want to be normal. Becoming reclusive has made me sad and lost connections with family and friends as well as going sleep late and being late for work. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm addicted and I have three questions for which I need answers: 1 Do I cut the girl off (and inevitably any other girl I meet that wants to text a lot) 2 Is it worth trying to have s*x at this point and 3 Should I quit social media forever? I feel like deleting social media doesn't really address the issue if the same thing happens when I reinstall it.

    Thanks in advance :D
     
    Last edited: Jul 27, 2019
  2. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    If those points are making you feel out of control, then I would say 1. yes, 2. no and 3. yes.

    Elaborating: 1. go for real interactions, no virtual ones, 2. "trying" sounds very unconfident, rather avoid embarrasing yourself and 3. social media is damaging, some people argue that it is close to porn.
     
  3. Madmooove

    Madmooove Fapstronaut

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    Yooo thanks for your message bro
    I agree for 2 and 3 but for 1 : These days every girl wants to text - like I met that girl at the club, but she'll still lose interest if I just ignore her messages. It's hard to avoid
     
    clapas likes this.
  4. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    See your question is about texting a lot, not just texting. Hence my answer.
     
  5. Madmooove

    Madmooove Fapstronaut

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    Yo sorry to come back but this shit is killing me man.

    I tried doing a month of NoFap, was working alright. But when a girl texted me to meetup I got aroused again.

    I can't even text girls anymore because if they flirt and I get aroused, I just lose night/morning wood completely and I'm meant to be seeing a girl this week. I don't even know if I can even have s*x and it's stressing me out. Like tf is the point of meeting girls if i can't even text them.

    I'm losing sleep over this shit
    Edit: is it possible this is all just psychological?
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2019
  6. clapas

    clapas Fapstronaut

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    You need to watch this:

    Not worth losing sleep for them girls nowadays.
     
  7. primaljade

    primaljade Fapstronaut

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    Sex is a normal part of being human, stop getting your shit all messed up for wanting it. Wanking isn't going to have much affect on your sex capability if you do it long enough before a date. If you're getting your mind all messed up over this, getting all anxious about erections, then you're sabotaging yourself since that cycle will make it hard to get erections when a hot girl is right there while nothing is wrong aside from you messing up yourself.

    Take things "slow" with a girl and simply enjoy foreplay for the fun of it. If you're not hard, that's fine, skip the sex and try again another day. If you try again and again and you're not getting hard, she simply might not be hot enough for you.
     
    Madmooove likes this.
  8. Shy_1990

    Shy_1990 Fapstronaut

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    You should see this as an opportunity to build your character.
    Learn how to practice self control. Just text her and then get on with your day. I know its not easy otherwise i wouldnt be on this site getting help. But we really need to teach ourselves self control otherwise we wont function in society.
    You cant just eliminate everything around you and live in a bubble.
    As far as the sex goes, you should have it. But only if it doesnt replicate what you see in P.
    Good healthy sex should be nuturing, tender, slow (at least at first), romantic and tender and allow you to build a closer emotional connection with a woman. You shouldnt get her in the bedroom and then act out what you see in P, its all fake crap.

    Also, i know its not popular these days. But why not call her or facetime and speak directly to her?
    Often when we text we say things that are not really us. But if you just talk to her it might not trigger your issues.
     
    Madmooove likes this.
  9. Madmooove

    Madmooove Fapstronaut

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    I think you're right about calling - but my mother is too overprotective for me to talk to anyone without her listening in - not really a comfortable setting to talk to her.

    Anyway my situation atm - like you said i've been messaging her 2/3 times a day (but getting slightly aroused at times) and getting on with my life: I don't really feel addicted. I've been doing this for about a month now. I got my first brief full erection in a week at night in bed (but while fantasising a bit).

    She's coming over on Friday but i'm worried I might have PIED from sexting/subconcious fantasising. I hope primaljade is right that my reactions are just normal.

    So should I go ahead?

     

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