Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ProminentPosterior, Jun 17, 2021.

  1. ProminentPosterior

    ProminentPosterior Fapstronaut

    When it comes to romantic relationships...

    I’d advise against it.

    The rationale behind it is akin to the reasons why many of us struggle with pornography. We are displacing emotional and sexual desire from being in person to being through a screen. Even with meeting that person in person, and being in that person, you are depriving each other of some (or a lot) of those bonding moments from the time it actually matters: when they are in arm’s reach.

    Something I found from past relationships is the formation of a “dual-relationship”. In this unhealthy relationship configuration, what I found happens is that the conversational aspect of your relationship is locked in the digital world (texting), while your physical aspect of your relationship is isolated in the real world. This is because, through the miracles of modern technology, you can near instantaneously regale any events that happen to your partner. You can talk about your feelings the second you feel them. There is less time to think. Sometimes they pressure you to be able to respond more quickly; a harsh demand for people like me who may need a night or three to figure out my feelings on things. They’ll of course make accusations of you being toxic, not caring, etc., which is rather ironic considering the act of taking more time to figure out feelings being indicative of a greater worth. While the girl who made these kinds of accusations against me wasn’t a porn consumer (at all), she was addicted to things like social media. By limiting your relationship to the real world, you foster a greater sense of looking forward to actually seeing them again. Think about it this way: if you’ve already told them everything that’s happened this week through text, what the hell are you going to talk about when it comes time for that date night on Saturday? Enter the duality of the relationship: now you’ll default to the physical. “Well we already filled our ‘conversational quota’ for the week, so why not indulge in the physical while we have the chance?” Because we didn’t evolve that way. You have installed a wall between your brain and your ding dong, and managed to lock your heart outside in the process. Despite how much you may try to rationalize it, we did not evolve to form emotional connection through a screen.

    The realm of this digital relationship is Pandora’s shit box holding back a watery, diarrheal mess, because I’m going to tell you right now, in no uncertain terms, once you have that first text-based argument that relationship is going to be incredibly difficult to save, if not being over altogether. A lot of us are here because of the ease at which the digital facilitates our carnal desires. You think it’s not going to apply for anger, too? It is so much easier to say something nasty when you can’t see the tears in their eyes, the trembling in their voice. You’ll resent each other. You’ll make accusations that they only want you for sex, and vice versa. After all, your emotional relationship only exists in the digital realm- no different to how many of the people here’s sexual ‘relationships’ do.

    Honestly this is something that is much more pervasive and prominent a problem for modern relationships than porn is, because it is seemingly far more mundane and innocuous. What these all culminate in being are just different forms, names of what the true problem is: instant gratification. Sexual, emotional, fast food, drug... they all are just different flavors of the same shit sandwich. They all circumnavigate the typical (and healthy) reward system. Of course, combinations of these exacerbate the issues further. If you’re addicted to instant sexual gratification and instant emotional gratification?... you’re in for a bad, bad time.

    I have yet to have the opportunity to apply this, so this is still in the hypothetical phase: I think I will in my next relationship voice a distaste for texting. I don’t have to talk about the toxicity it brings out in me (and people in general, frankly) per se, but I can be more up front and honest about the other aspect: I like talking to the person much more in person. I’d rather hear your voice when you tell me things, I’d rather hear your laugh when I make you laugh instead of reading “loool” on the screen. Even FaceTime doesn’t really work because there’s a certain ‘weight’ to a person that exists when they’re actually in front of you. It’s hard to express, but you feel infinitely more pulled in to someone when they’re within arm’s reach. Which adds on further: I’d rather be able to hold your hand when we talk. These forms of intimacy are the things a lot of people are craving, and they’re not realizing that the absence of them is because of their relationships existing in dual-format. Maybe it’s because these things are natural.

    Tl;dr: texting is risky business. Limit your relationship to in-person encounters within reason; don’t let the ease become the means
  2. DaveyCrockett

    DaveyCrockett Fapstronaut

    I totally agree. My friend told me that chicks prefer to text, which is a bunch of nonsense. Be a man! Maybe she'll be impressed that you talk to her or something.
  3. Yeah, I usually don't like texting women either. They often take shit I text the wrong way because they don't imagine the tone I was intending which has caused arguments and even some blocking me. Some women even act tons more bitchier and unnecessarily dominant when they text or talk online which is funny because a lot of them were very introverted and anxious when I met them in person.
  4. ProminentPosterior

    ProminentPosterior Fapstronaut

    Can relate 100% with them taking things the wrong way through text. Gone through some wild shit because of that, and trying to get them to believe you didn’t mean whatever that way is like pulling teeth from a tiger.

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