Thanos -1500 days Semen Retention Challenge

Day 171 semen retention.

 

I'm curious, what triggered the relapse? Was it a conscious choice or was it like you just couldn't help it? Are you disappointed or do you feel it's just part of your journey?

Naturally the counter goes back to zero but it's not like all progress is lost. You took 63 steps forward and one step back.

I'm curious because, at 177 days I don't really know if long streaks are that beneficial. Am I still making progress towards some goal, some unseen benefit? Am I even still experiencing benefits? It's like I've forgotten what things were like before. I can't fly yet. Can't see through metal. I didn't turn into God.

At the same time, 177 days is a long time. Almost half a year. Would relapse have that big of an impact? Would it be detrimental? If I am experiencing benefits would they go away?

I feel good. I have a happy energy in my blood, circulating. SR has led me to meditate, work out, read... It's been a catalyst for change. But, aside from that does it have any true benefit? I just don't know. Sometimes I feel like I know myself less now than ever.

If it's any comfort I'm rooting for you. Keep pushing to 500 if that's your goal. I hope to be able to put up that report and then say it's worth it.

 

Day 181 of Retention

 

Day 191 full retention. I've been asking myself why I still do this. Day 191. That's over 6 months! Obviously I have some sort of self control.

The illusion of superpowers has left me. The quest for benefits is gone. So why continue?

For me, right now, it's the knowledge that we ARE the superpower. We ARE the benefit.

Yes, I have self control. That is not enough. I want self MASTERY. Self mastery is knowledge of self. Complete self awareness. The knowledge, the absolute knowledge, that I AM.

All that I want, all that I desire to be, is already me. But I'm hiding it. Behind fear. Behind useless self gratification. Behind softness. I have a habit of chasing pleasure. But that pleasure is an illusion. It only leads to pain.

I believe that true pleasure can only truly be found in knowledge of self. One way to know myself is self mastery. Self mastery does not come about by being easy on myself. By soothing myself. By hiding myself.

Because I love myself. Because I love myself I will not shroud myself behind fake pleasure. Because I love myself i will not hide behind lies. I will strip it all away, all fear, all illusion, until only I remain.

And then, and then, I will truly see myself. And I will know myself. And that knowledge will bring the peace and satisfaction that self gratification could not.

Day 191 semen retention. And I continue.

 

Day 201 Semen Retention!

 

Epic Win I envy you!

Day 4 complete, now on day 5.

 

Day 7 complete.

It has been an interesting week, and also a very emotional one.

Today I have eaten a lot to deaden my emotions, which are still there beneath the surface for when the food wears off. I've eaten only snacks and cake today, so pretty unhealthy.

But to be kind to myself, this is ok. I am under a great deal of uncertainty and pressure. At least I didn't PMO, that would have been 1,000 times worse.

I am praying for my friend who is still in the hospital and quite quite poorly. Yesterday I was able to visit him and it was an sad, emotional time.

For me, now, the thought of acting out isn't manifest. It crosses my mind, but not for very long. I see the thought, I acknowledge that it's there like a bubble in the thought-stream, observe it, and let it go.

This is why meditation is so helpful, it allows you to be aware that we are not our minds and thoughts. Our thoughts are things that "happen", but it is the endless thinking about thinking about thinking... That is the true problem.

Break the cycle, break the chains.

Our destinies are here and awaiting. What a time to be alive!

 

You are so right. Meditation is really helpful in that it helps us get past the programming and spend time exploring who we really are. We are not our thoughts and we are not our bodies.

Yet it is undeniable that we do have thoughts, we do have bodies. They can be used as a prison for us. Our own personal Guantameno Bay. They can also be used as vehicles, as tools and as teachers as we make the move from animal to the divine.

Many of us choose the chains. It's sad when we become so used to the chains that we begin to think the chains are happiness. Yet here we are.

I hope this will be of some comfort to you. I will dedicate 5 minutes of my meditation to you and your friend this morning. No thoughts, no prayers. I cannot presume to know what's good for either of you. Just my conscious awareness of you.

Stay strong!

 

Day 211 semen retention.

 

dia 6 me siento genial!!