Hello. My name is looking and I have been struggling with PMO addiction since I was 14. I'm now two years older. Long story short, it became a real problem for me after I lost a testicle due to testicular torsion and used it as a way to cope with depression. The addiction stuck and it wasn't long until I did some research and found ybop. I tried to quit. Time and time again. Months of relapse. My life began a downward spiral in many aspects. If you want greater detail, you can look at my previous callings for help on this website in the other threads that I've made. During one of those threads, I found an AP. He was the best I could've asked for and stuck with me for about a year before he got frustrated and gave up. I don't blame him. I don't know how he had enough faith in me to support me for as long as he did. What I want to get at in this thread is simple: I give up. Yup, that's right. I give up. Every day for the past year and a half, I have woken up and dreamed of being PMO-free. I've come up with hundreds of plans that are absolutely fool-proof in my head. Pushed through the feelings of futility (like I am feeling now) after relapse. Attempted to change my life completely, time and time again. And trust me - read my other threads if you don't believe me - I have as much reason to quit as anyone on this website ever has once they knew the effects of this addiction. But, after today's double relapse I realized: I can never do this. No matter how pure the motivation feels today, it will fizzle out and pale in comparison to the urges tomorrow. Even if - as I have proven multiple times with 5-7 day streaks that ultimately meant mothing - even if I push hard through those urges and have no regrets for a few days (eliminate procrastination, play instruments, exercise, etc.) I will still fail after about a week. I am an addict. My life sucks because of it but there is nothing I can do. I have lost faith. Completely. PMO only got terrible for me after I began despising my taking part in it a year and a half ago. Maybe rejecting it just makes it worse, since there is nothing I can do about it. I want to quit. If I could just up and ensure in some way that I am never going to PMO again I'd do it in a heartbeat. I see people come on here and speak of their struggles with flatlining and, oh God how I wish my problems involved how little sex drive I have. I wish I could take a pill to turn it off. I don't need a girlfriend. I don't need sex. I don't need beautiful girls to ever even look at me. I just want to stop hating myself before my self-loathing fully crosses over into suicidal tendencies. I can't be far away. Right now I'd never do that. But I also never thought I'd be addicted to incest porn. It seems like everyone can come on here and quit - and it's hard, but they push through. You all obviously have something I don't. I have felt the purest motivation, planned the greatest strategy, and endured the greatest urges. But they always come back to win. I imagine I will PMO until I either die or I become an adult (clearing myself of my acne, hopefully) and I find the right product to rid myself of my porn-induced sebhorreic dermatitis. For me, this currently is impossible and therefore there is no reason for me to add on the extra stress of hating myself for PMOing. I am not one of the lucky ones. And so, I give up.