I relapsed :/ I feel so stupid, I was looking for a link to a murder movie "the Sitter" and of course ended up finding porn movies bc the world is twisted like that, then I relapsed even though I could have said no, I had the strength to and the arguments but I said "fuck you" to the side of my brain who was being reasonable. It's like, I know porn is not real sex and it's not what I would want in a relationship, but it's pretty much all I've known, I've been in it since I was 11, so it's something to realise that I need to cut it off. Therefore when I relapse, usually I think about how much I love it because it has comforted me for so long through the hard times I had growing up.
But eating candy was also something I did a lot as a kid, yet now I find it gross and can't even eat one because it's not real food. Porn's the same, I need to realise this