The bad me is winning

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Deleted Account, Nov 20, 2018.

  1. I have been on nofap mentally and physically from past two months. I never could achieve a streak more than 21 days. I am ashamed angry and extremely disappointed. I don't know how to win over my temptations and urges. I am a complete faliure. I know things I should not do, then again I do those things in such a short period of time that it takes time to realise that I've lost another battle against myself. I am going through extreme stress, and physically I am not very good as well. I can't control my mind. Mind is what I am chasing after. I know it's not so easy to control my mind. I called my ISP to block porn sites on my internet connection. And that "me" used VPN and got access to porn sites and relapsed aftrr 7 days. I know 7 days ain't a big deal for many of you but for me it's like "yeah you can do it", "you crossed 7 days you can do more weeks just carry on and endure".. then later that day I take off my pants. F#&k me. Seriously F#£k me. God damn it. I hate myself.
     
  2. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut
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    Think about when you finally manage to overcome this. It will bring eternal joy and confidence to you when you remember how hard it was but you still did it. However bad my day is, I will always be happy because I can say "I did it".
     
  3. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    I dont remember last time I reached 21 days. So you're not the worse!

    I didn't know ISP could actually block porn from the source. But still, in my experience, EVERY block strategy I put in place ended up being worse. First, It awoke my intelligence and curiosity to find a way to bypass it. Just to see if I could do it, THEN, I would tell myself I wouldn't go.... But Also, when the block strategy is down (for example, another one was to change the wifi password And only use internet in the presence of someone with the password), once I got it, I find ways to keep it, and Once I see Porn, I BINGE more than I would normally. I finally decided that blocking wasn'T the solution. Finding ways to motivate me to do something else more rewarding was better.
    Is there an activity you like to do, that you never take the time to?
     
    ☯ Shiv ☯ likes this.
  4. niceguy96

    niceguy96 Fapstronaut

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    Hey my record is 21 days too, and i'm almost there, AGAIN!
    So you can do it too!
     
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  5. Tannhauser

    Tannhauser Fapstronaut

    I'm reminded of an old story that goes like this:

    An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.

    “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, lust, and ego.” He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

    The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

    The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.

    Don't beat yourself up too much. The key to overcoming this addiction, I am realizing, is to do something positive, not to try to not do something negative. Find something positive to do to replace the negative things in your life.
     
  6. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Maybe take a step back for a while before launching your next attempt at stopping. Plan and prepare for how you're going to fill all the extra time you have on your hands when you stop, have a list of activities you can do when the urges creep in. List all the benefits you will achieve from stopping. Google 'NoFap preparation' and there's some great stuff that really helps which I read and re-read until I was ready. Then when you really feel ready to start again, set a date and go for it and hopefully you will be better prepared mentally to combat what comes next.
     
    ☯ Shiv ☯ likes this.
  7. Oh Henry

    Oh Henry Fapstronaut

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    I think mindset is important:

    1) There is no bad you. There is a disease that needs treatment. Don't be so hard on yourself for the past and don't treat this like you're a bad human

    2) It doesn't matter if it's day 7 or day 700. Every day is it's own challenge and every day is its own battle to be won. 7 days is an amazing achievement. You did it once and you can do it again

    3) Shame and guult are often triggers that drive many of us deeper into porn use .Try to indersunde the underlying causes of your shame and resolve them. This will help you break the cycle of addiction

    4) While eliminating the access works for some people I have found it didn't work for me. Instead of taking the porn away and then longing for it, I keep the porn accessible and make a decision to abstain. This keeps me in control

    Best of luck on your journey. We are here together all working towards the same purpose. You are not alone
     
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  8. Hros

    Hros Fapstronaut

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    The worst thing you can do right now (besides relapsing) is to keep beating yourself up. It won't help, and as you wrote, it makes you feel even worse about yourself. Before discovering Nofap, there was a time in my life, just a couple of years ago that I pushed myself to reach 21-days-PMO-free cycles. It was very hard, and you should feel very proud to make it to this stage. Pick yourself up, give yourself a pat on the shoulder for making it this far because you truly deserve a pat and a kudos. Now start again - only this time, it's not a complete restart. You made progress! You may not be completely aware of it, but all that work you put in these last few weeks strengthened you mentally, heightened your willpower and even started to slightly heal your body. This time, if you continue to control yourself and continue to aim for a good reboot, it'll be better.
    Good luck!
     
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  9. Daniel S.

    Daniel S. Fapstronaut

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    Frankly, you're being defeatist, pessimistic and counterproductive hating yourself like this. You've created such a ridiculous expectation that you can in a mere two months take control of a huge aspect of your life. That is simply not going to happen in that short amount of time, and you need to keep persisting, restarting over and over again, aiming to better yourself each time. And even then, if you can't beat 21 days, but you keep trying, that's all that matters.
    The fact that you actually went to 21 days and managed to handle yourself for 504 straight hours non-stop is something to be proud of, and you have done better than quite a lot of people here. You need to recognise and come to terms with the fact that you have done well, and you did keep your spirits up for that long, and I (as well as many others) congratulate you on getting that far.

    Get up. Start again. Stop wallowing in this self-pity and get back to it. There's no shame in having failed, as everyone does. You have the potential to do well, and you simply just need to keep trying until it works.
     
  10. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    He's right. But we're allowed to be down. Sometimes it's discouraging. But yes we got to pick ourself up and get keep fighting. Learning along the way and aiming for a better version of us each time. It's a journey. Not an easy destination.
     
    ☯ Shiv ☯ likes this.
  11. Thank you for encouraging me everyone lets do this together
     
  12. Inspiration indeed. It's so much easy to understand yet so hard to perceive.
     
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  13. BetterThanYou321

    BetterThanYou321 Fapstronaut

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    I remember someone said in a thread somewhere that the key to getting truly cured is to not simply abstain from watching porn, but rather being repulsed by that idea. People often mention how with time, if you don't give in to your urges they start fading out. After 2-3 months of hard mode your very heavy kinks will start to seem plain weird and after 6 months even your more vanilla fetishes will be completely replaced by the desire for intimacy, human contact etc.

    That means the right mindset isn't "I need to restrain myself from doing PMO, no matter how much I want it, just so I can achieve a healthy sex life with partners". It's "I need to realize how damaging and disgusting PMO is so that I truly despise it and lose any desire to do it, and, as a consequence of that achieve a healthy sex life".
     
    Estel, Hros, CH3RRY and 1 other person like this.
  14. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    Dude. You're not a loser. Unless you're ready to call ALL OF US LOSERS. For we relapsed many times. I myself have failed countless times. But don't see this as a failure. What did you learn. Explain how it happened. Where. When. What triggered it? Explore your relapse and let us help.
     
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  15. Remember you are not alone with your struggle. I know what you are going through because i've been through it. The vain attempts at putting barriers in your way only to rise to the challenge of smashing them down in a moment of weakness. I tried unsuccessfully for 2 years when i was deep in my addiction to quit using all kings of hair brained ideas. In the end i had to reach rock bottom before i could start to climb back up, i got to the point where i had physically, emotionally and spiritually had enough i was spent, defeated and beaten into submission but that was looking back, a positive thing in my life since it helped to spark real change.

    The thing is with this and like substance addictions is it can be a long battle and often we make a decision to stop long before we find the right tools or motivation. It's important, even through your darkest moments to keep hold of a vision of you beating this because this forms part of your motivation.

    Are there any external resources you can use to help you like counselling or spritual advice etc? i found that group therapy helped me a lot and getting a psychologist, but you have to be 100% ready to change
     
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  16. Was watching an anime called goblin slayer.. and got turned on.. I used to get turned on before but past few days I was completely getting out of control, like getting turned on and can't control but to pmo. Today I controlled myself and this time I am giving my best, I just have to get more strong willed.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2018
  17. Estel

    Estel Fapstronaut

    Ya sexual triggers are all over. But like you say, a strong will will help pass over those images. For me, I really noticed my will being way stronger after committing truly to nofap forums. Reading and answering helps keeping the will at max. Keep up!
     
    ☯ Shiv ☯ likes this.
  18. Right now I can not think of any external resources to help me out, but I can go to a psychologist if it helps.
     
    | Nico |, palindromo and Estel like this.
  19. Y
    You are so right. When I am with the team I feel like I can do it. When I am not opening the website for long time I can sense a dark shadow lurking behind my brain and getting ready to choke me to orgasm (lol) but yes what you said is absolutely right.
     
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