The beginning of a strong start (Hopefully)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Forrester, Aug 4, 2018.

  1. Forrester

    Forrester Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    Currently I have no sense of emotion towards doing this which is very odd and hurtful as well, but I know that's because of the addiction so I will try to write as much as I can to let you guys know me better.

    At the current age of 16 (I feel very dwarfed by all you older fapstronauts) I've felt lonely, forgotten and distraught. I started watching porn from the age of 8 or 9, from where at the time being naive and unknowledged of what porn could do to me, delved into it deeply.

    This was because I faced many challenges in my childhood;

    I was bullied for being obese - I had stones thrown at me from what I thought were to be friends, and little to no repercussions were given to the abusers.

    My father is a Narcissist (which at first sight seems like a small deal, but when looked into further Narcissists in relationships have big effects to mental health) who, when shown any sort of accomplishment, would completely ignore it or give very fake signs of happiness.

    My family culture is much different to mine, which causes a lot of barriers and trust issues.

    I was accused of being a Pedophile at around when I began watching porn, because I accidentally stared at a girls bottom. this caused so many problems, I lost many friends and people gave me nasty looks and treated me badly due to a simple mistake, which made me deeply hopeless.

    Porn was a luxury for me, it gave me comfort and oddly the sensation that I was loved and wanted deeply. However, as I got older I started to realise my odd character to my immediate society, I got more socially anxious up until the point where I feigned illness for a week, the bullying had gotten even more severe where 2 different groups would publicly laugh at me for having braces, being ugly and would find any action I did hilarious and I felt abandoned! There were many tearful nights and thoughts of suicides aswell, and I was drained. I realised this was because of my porn addiction, which, from a long time, I've tried to kill.

    From NoFap, I do not only wish to destroy my addiction to porn, but to also make goals to fix the problems in my life, to treat this as a household where we look after one another and to make connections with people for all of our sakes for happiness and to finally be able to trust in people again :). I'll also try my best to be there for others!! Because they deserve it as much as I do!!

    I hope that was a neat intro, and if you've reached this far, thanks for reading!

    -Forrester
     
  2. Welcome! Sorry to hear about your troubles. If you're being bullied, I suggest standing up for yourself. I'm not trying to condone violence, but unless you stand up then they'll keep bullying you. One tip I can give you is that you'll probably have a lot of failures, but that's ok. It's part of the journey. You're not gonna succeed your first try. It takes a lot of effort and you can learn from your relapses. If you do relapse don't beat yourself up. Just learn from the experience and keep moving forward. If you need any help hit me up or anyone else here.
     
    Forrester likes this.
  3. Forrester

    Forrester Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, the bullies aren't so much of a problem now as I've left school so no more interaction with them. I have relapsed a lot of times and it just never seems to progress anywhere, hopefully by doing this I will achieve a lot more.
     
  4. Forrester

    Forrester Fapstronaut

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    And thanks for being concerned!
     
  5. Yeah man I relapsed last Wednesday and it fucked me up a lot. I even thought about giving up on NoFap, but it's the relapses that allow you to learn where you're making mistakes. What's working for me now is that I've realized just how evil pmo is. A guy that I watched on Youtube said that most guys keep relapsing because some part of them still thinks it's ok to watch porn and masturbate. That is so true because I'd be watching porn and think "this can't be that bad for me" and I'd relapse only to find out that it is that bad.

    It reminds me of drugs actually. Don't do drugs man, at least not hard drugs. It's nice while you're doing it, but afterwards you feel unbelievably bad. Porn really is no different. It's fun while you do it, but afterwards you're drained, anxious, depressed and completely unmotivated. It's just not worth it. I still think of relapsing, but I remember how bad it makes me feel afterwards.

    You should check out Gabriel Kalei Bocanegra on Youtube. He really helps me when I'm struggling. You might not agree with everything he says, but he really does help. Did you leave school because of bullying? I really hope not.
     

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