The beginning of a tough fight

Hi @EarthSpirit ! Welcome ! I recently joined the forum as well.

I get what you mean, I used to be deep into the pick-up artist bullsh*t and as a result, see women as sexual objects to be conquered and showcased as trophies, porn obviously didn't help and reinforced that wrong and sick attitude towards women.

I began first by distancing physically and mentally from the PUA lore : which is: seduction as a competition, one-way approach to interactions, sex above all else in a relationship, one-night stands glorification ect... One particular book played a central role in that process : Models by Mark Manson, which I couldn't recommend strongly enough. It helped me envision relationship and romantic interactions in a much healthier way.

But I was still watching porn on a regular basis and that had to be adressed. I realized I was unfortunately hooked on it despite my new beliefs and views towards men & women interactions.
I'm currently undertaking the 90-day non PMO challenge. I can't tell you if the following will work for you as we're all different and I haven't completed the challenge yet, but I decided I would expose myself daily to content underlining the negative aspects of porn on one's life and the positive effects of getting free of it forever. Since I started the challenge, I watched every day at least one video (mostly TED talks or other of the like) about the dangers of porn, I also started to read e-books such as Your Brain On Porn by Gary Wilson. And I told myself I would write at least a post a day on NoFap forums. And see how it goes. Maybe at some point, (I hope) I won't even have to do it, I don't want all that to be mandatory, if I can just sustain non-PMO without having to do all this that would be awesome !

Anyway, welcome and you can count on my support !

Cheers !

 

Welcome, and good luck to you!

 

Good decision good luck

 

Hey @EarthSpirit you're very welcome, I see you have strong resolve and the healthy activities you mentionned are very likely to help in this fight. It's essential to have a plan and/or a paramount reason for sticking to your goals. Personally, I know I need to be more physically active, I spent way too much time alone in front of a screen (which is a dangerous potential fallback), and doing sports everyday would be highly beneficial, the thing is, I need to find a sport I truly enjoy because I realized going to the gym, even to cardio classes I used to like does not motivate me anymore, not to mention doing weight ect..My favourite activity is music (I play the drums) so you could say it's a bit of cardio haha.

I learned also it's important to know your patterns : what usually triggers your want for porn. To me, going out, drinking too much, competing with others to "get a girl" and eventually coming back home alone frustrated is a big one. Fortunately, my current job is a night job which means I have very few free nights of possible temptation, perfect for the time being

And yes, my friend, I sure do hope you encounter love ! Being deeply in love with a girl I truly admire and respect was my ultimate trigger to sign up to NoFap and quit PM. I recently finally managed to get the courage to tell her my feelings. She needs time to sort things out, decide where she stands and who knows if something will ever happen between us but what matters now is the incredible force and joy this gave me. Having finally shared myself openly and with pure intentions (I didn't even think of sex at that time, all that matters was to share a moment of sincerity and honesty), I couldn't possibly go back to porn and all the negativity I associated it with. Regardless of the romantic outcome, I realized I had to harness that special moment and turn it into a force for good.

Let's keep in touch !

 

hey good to know that you are motivate.
But be careful sex make part of love, don't feel bad if you want to have sex with the girl that you love.
This is a really good feeling to have sex with a good person that appreciate you for what you are.
I say that because you say

That's not a shame to be attractive by a girl that you love, that's a verry good thing because that mean P will not come back in your life for a long time.
Good luck and stay positive wathever happend you have to stay focus on your objective.

 

Hey thanks for your comment and for making that statement. You're right to say it's a very good thing for the sake of fighting P. But I see how my sentence was misleading, I wasn't clear enough.

I totally agree with you and I didn't mean to stigmatize sex. I am sexually attracted to this girl, definitely want to have sex with her and feel absolutely no shame in wanting so. To be more specific, I feel proud to be attracted to her fully and not just sexually. The thing is, I used to watch, listen, and read a lot of PUA material (in addition to P) and the mean consequence this sick cocktail had on me at some point was that I became less able to appreciate a woman apart from her looks. This time I was glad sexual desire was not the only nor the most important reason why I was attracted to her as it used to be every other time. This time there was "something" else : the values she has that I share, her personal qualities and even her flaws which I like, call that love ! And I'm glad I experienced it.

Anyway, thanks again for your positive vision, good luck to you too and yes, let's stick to our objective, whatever happens !

PS : just realized after writing all this, that you're French, I am too

 

oh ok i understand now ☺

Omg your english is perfect
team baguette !

 

Hahaha merci beaucoup !

 

Hey @EarthSpirit thanks for the support and advice.
Being in nature and close to animals is something I like very much, unfortunately not very easy to do since I live in a big city, but I try to do it as much as I can.

Self-esteem has been an issue for me, undoubtedly, with women and in other areas. It more or less is still the case, though I've experienced great improvements, thank God. Stepping (jumping) out of my comfort zone has proven to be the most effective way to fight it. Each time I win over my fears is a victory I can remember and "anchor". When I need to take another action, I can recall that victory and it helps a lot.

Thanks a lot for your kind words and support which I really appreciate. I've been reading and hearing amazing hopeful and positive testimonies from people that have left PM behind in past days. They all report experiencing a sexual and general energy like never before, closer connexion to others, especially loved ones and a wide range of other benefits : more confidence, feeling more beautiful, being more attractive physically and mentally... Faith in the Universe, which, in an interestingly recurrent manner, is said to "conspire to make things happen" once you've made a strong decision/manifested your intent and trust yourself to act upon it with focus, is something I believe in, so it's great to see that you do too.

I do wish you the best as well, let's keep ourselves updated on our progress

 

Hey @EarthSpirit it happens, at least you didn't use P and that's crucial. Now you know more about your patterns triggering your urges, it'll help you avoid relapse in the future. Dust yourself off, start fresh and keep on ! Have faith in yourself you can do it, bro ✊
Leaving P (& M) behind is one hell of a challenge, never give up

 

Hey I'm also new best of luck!

 

@EarthSpirit you're welcome !
Glad you asked, here are 3 books I strongly recommend :

- Models by Mark Manson : If like me your issues with PMO mostly came from deep insecurity towards women, lack of self-confidence and of self-acceptance, if you've been mislead by PUA and seduction gurus techniques, if you came to see women as game, then this is THE book. Manson shows the incredible power of vulnerability : being willing to accept your flaws, your mistakes and live an honest life. How to attract fulfilling relationships through sincerity and opennness. Manson talks a bit about PMO but does not go too deep in detail though he urges to end P forever. Incredibly inspirational work. Read it 4 times, still think it should be read by father to son. Cannot recommend it strongly enough

- Wack : Addicted to Internet Porn by Noah B.E Church : I'm past halfway through the book and I can already tell it's a must-read for all NoFap members. The author shortly but clearly explain the science behind porn addiction (if you like to go deeper into the science stuff, get numbers but also a lot of inspiring testimonies of recovery check out Gary Wilson's Your Brain On Porn, the authoritative work on porn addiction, great read). To me the real value of this book are the author's personal testimony which is very relatable and also the 12-step PMO recovery plan, full of smart tips. It's also a moving book as the author shares how sharing his addiction with people you can trust is one of the most powerful thing you can do. Vulnerability again

- The 50th Law by Robert Greene : Written by the best-selling author of The 48 Laws of Power. It's a book about overcoming your number 1 enemy : FEAR. Through peaks inside 50Cent personal story and career and other impactful anecdotes from historical, political and artistical personalities, Greene shows how to dominate fear and live your life fully. Not directly related to PMO but very useful as PMO is often a way to avoid facing your fears

Let me know your thoughts !