Today is the first day of my journey to an addiction free life. I've been addicted to porn, and more recently candid/voyeuristic porn, for more than half of my life. Over the past five years or so, my addiction has led me to some pretty disgusting places. I've jerked off in my car while watching women in their homes, jerked off as I watched women walk by my apartment window, and even filmed women in public. Yesterday I got caught. I tried to film a woman in the grocery store and when I got home and watched the video, it was obvious that she knew exactly what I was doing. I felt so ashamed. I could only imagine if the situation was worse and I was physically harmed or possibly even arrested. How embarrassed would I be if my fiance, or my family, or anyone I knew found out about my sick perversion? This isn't the first time I've tried NoFap but this time I am serious about turning my life around. Yesterday was a wake up call. I have an appointment scheduled to speak with a therapist tomorrow afternoon and I've committed to completing 90 days of Standard Mode. I'm choosing Standard Mode over Easy Mode because for me, porn isn't just my issue and I know that. If I gave myself the permission to jerk off without porn, I can see myself parked in my car somewhere jerking off in public and telling myself it's okay. For my own personal journey, I'm not only considering porn to be the standard videos but also social media. One of my biggest triggers has always been Instagram and until this morning I had a secret account with hundreds of saved pictures of teens and young women in bikinis. I know this is going to be hard but I know this is the way to avoid the potential living hell my life would be if I were to be arrested or have someone catch me and share my acts publicly on the internet for anyone to find out about. Grant me the strength to find peace from this addiction.