The beginning of success or just another failure?

Hey Guys,

So I'm writing this as a form of accountability as I go on this journey, but also as a release because I have never talked about this with anyone because I am actually ashamed about it and can't deal with the possible view people would have of me if they knew I am addicted to porn and have really struggled in trying to quit this permanently. So this is day 1 on NoFap but it's day two of my journey. I will post here as my journey goes on and talk about my trials and tribulations of this.

So just a little history if my experience with PMO. So my first time I watched pron was when I was 11 but before this, I had looked at pictures of naked women since like 8. Saying this makes me think that it is abnormal in general for a child that young to be doing that and maybe this has been a problem in my life for much longer than I would like to think. My first time masturbating was after my first semester in high school. I had heard about it from a friend and he told me how to do it even telling me how i should sit on my bed and what site to use so when I got home after the semester (my school was a boarding school) I listened to his advice and tried it out. Initially, it felt weird because I was just so used to watching porn and being satisfied with that, but this was something so much more exciting the feelings it brought up in me were nothing I had felt before and when that first orgasm came after like 2 mins I thought I had reached enlightenment, this lasted for like 5 seconds then I felt dirty and like I had done something wrong. This initially stopped me from doing it again but over time this deterrent was not strong enough and I started doing it once or twice a month when I was home. At this time I was 14 years old.

When I first started I would limit it to when I was home but over time I found my self doing it when I was away at boarding school. this also led to me doing it more than twice a month to more like 5 times. I still didn't think it was an issue because I could go weeks at a time if I wanted to without PMO. But over time that ability disappeared. For the last three years, I haven't gone more than a week without PMO and I am really disappointed in myself because there have been many times when I have tried and failed to go longer. I am now in college I'm 20 and although I feel like it doesn't stop my life in an easy to view way like not doing things I like or not attending commitments or fapping for hours on end, it does impact me internally and has ultimately seen me lose any form of self-confidence and belief in myself. The things that I want to achieve through this journey are: 1. Obviously no PMO for 90 days and then go on to letting go of porn for good 2. Understand my sexual triggers to a greater extent. 3. Enhance my appreciation for real sexual interaction 4. Actually bust from a sexual interaction because although I have had real sexual interactions I have never orgasmed from someone else so a lot of the time I have to fake it which isn't normal.

I know this isn't going to be easy but I know deep down I can do it, and I know you all can do it as well. I'm actually excited to take on this challenge whole heartedly for the first time and I will post my progress here and give daily updates.

So I left base camp yesterday so far no urges at all, I unsubscribed from all my fansonly that was hard but gonna be helpful. 3 days till Khumbu Icefall hopefully will remain this easy.