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The beginning of the end

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by abel_pua, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi Everybody,

    first of all thank you to welcome me on this forum. Let me start by introduce myself and my PMO addiction for 12 years.

    My first porn movie , 2005

    i am orignally from Belgium but living and working in Uk. I started watching porn when I was 13 years old. In reality, I started even younger when I was watching soft porn video on my TV. One day, I talk with an older friend who told me that watching over 18 sex video was much better in term of sensation etc... I then decided to watch a proper adult movie as "real man". At that time, I didn't have a pc or laptop so the only way to watch a porn video was on TV ... there was only one TV channel quite famous in France and Belgium as it was the only TV channel which published porn video in early morning ...2 am. So I used a vhs and play and let it record over the night.

    The next day night , I watched my first porn movie, I will still remember the sensation and the increase of dopamine. Anyway, this good sensation quickly transformed to an addiction. Few weeks later, I had my first orgasm during a porn scene...

    Online porn videos, 2008 - 2015 = 260 mastubations ( 5*52)

    Few years and hundred of PMO later, I received my first laptop. At that moment, the addiction was more and more important because I had access to porn 24h/7j/365d. I was before watching long french porn movies with a story. Online, I discovered the gonzo and short hardcore video. As an addict I had to increase the sexual pulsion by watching more and more hardcore video such as Facialabuse , maxhardcore ...where the girl is degraded , cried, puke on the penis etc... Even thinking about it make me sick but I was addicted.

    Nofap attempts

    When I moved to UK for my job, 2 years ago, I decided to work on my addiction. My best result so far was a month without PMO. At the end of the month, my libido was so high that I even went to a streap club. After this challenge, I masturbated everyday day. In the last 2 months, I manage to reduce the number of video but I couldn't stop masturbating on friday or Sunday.

    Nofap community - April 2017

    In April 2017, I decided to create an account in the nofap community. I already managed to avoid watching porn but most of all I found a lot of people with the same issue and motivation.

    Let's get started
     
  2. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
    Staff Member

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    Hi Pov, and welcome!
     
    王新宇 likes this.
  3. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    My first week-end in my nofap life

    What’s up guys! It’s now 5 days that I stopped PMO. I am proud of me because I manage to resisit watching porn videos on Friday which is normally my PMO day.

    On Friday, I took a day off and stayed at home. Instead of watching porn I deleted all my porn videos from my laptop. I realized that I had nearly 10 Go of porn videos store in my hard drive. Most of my porn videos were long girl on girl movies and really soft , anyway , I felt so good when I did it.

    I then went back home in Belgium with my laptop for the week-end. I was busy all the week-end as I went to see my family however it was easy for me to watch porn movies in the morning or in the afternoon as I was alone at home.

    The most difficult moments for me were on Saturday and Sunday mornings but I managed to resist.

    My strategies for NoFap:

    • Never stay in my bed

    • Delete all porn videos, browser history

    • Have multiple activities

    • Install porn blocker app on my mobile and software for my laptop

    My feelings so far

    • I have much more energy

    • I am much more sociable

    • I have much more creativity

    • I have much more libido
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  4. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Nofap – A week already!

    That’s it! We are the 26 of April, which means that I managed to stop PMO for a week. Yes, 7 days without watching porn videos, masturbate or have orgasms. It’s my first time of my life that I kept my eyes out of dirty online content.

    I already started to notice some few changements in my behavior and body. The first massive changement it’s my overall energy and motivation. Every morning, when I wake up I am overly motivated to go to work which TBH was never the case before. I am also much more dedicated in my sportive activities such as my martial art and gym.

    I am much more positive and sociable toward relatives, work colleagues and strangers. I also noticed girls giving me eye contacts and smile and walk really close to me which is an unknown situation for me.

    The bad thing about my nofap challenge is that I am constantly looking girls especially at the gym when before I was able to stay in bubble.

    to be continued...
     
  5. Keep it up man, it gets better
     
  6. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Hi and welcome :) Can I suggest you change your nickname for something that would be less tied to the overall P lingo? Just for the sake of the good people of NoFap who might have trouble controling their own urges and triggers ;)

    Your first post got me starting to count my own fapping numbers... (2016-1997)*5(average/week)*52 = 4940 ... Not counting the pre-internet age.. woah. That's a lot of P... :eek:
     
  7. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    I think that it's a good idea... will change is

    P - FAil

    Hi guys,

    I am sad to tell you that I a watched some porn movies this Sunday. Before analyzing my mistake. I first need to explain the context.

    Last month, I decided to visit Krakow on my own. The objective was to see my behavior abroad on my own because one of my plan is to do an European tour alone. So I arrived on Thursday night, the weather was really bad so I stayed in my Airbnb apartment and watch a movie.

    On Friday, the weather was still crapy but I decided to take a tourist trip in a Salt mine ( Listed in the UNESCO), The place was great and this gave me the occasion to meet an Australian dude who was doing a 2 month Europe tour. After the visit, we went together to the restaurant and finished the night in a polish pub.

    On saturday, the sun was out so I used the occasion to visit the city. I was sad to realised how small the city was and touristy. After a walk around, I went to the restaurant then back to my flat, I felt really bored but managed to avoid watching porn.

    On Sunday, the rain was back again so I went to the centre of tourism to book a trip to Auschwitz, unfortunately no more tickets were available. I visited some churches and then went back to my apartment as I had to wake up for 3 am in order to take my flight. Alone, bored, all ingredients were present to push me to watch porn movies.

    I tried to resist but I couldn't stop, so I took my laptop and start watching porn... The feeling was so strong... Hopefully , I managed to not masturbate. Even if watching this type of videos is still exciting me, for the first time of my life I felt like a kind of shame.

    This trip was great but loneliness was so strong that I have to push myself in order to leave my flat. As I realised few days ago, my PMO addiction is mainly coming from "annoyance" as I didn't feel the need of watch porn or masturbate the past 12 days.
     
  8. Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

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    Ok man don't beat yourself up. It happens. Learn from it. Move on.
    Start again.
    I have started a book reading programme on NF that might help you, we are reading this:

    http://ferryfalkenburg.nl/wp-content/uploads/The-Way-of-the-Superior-Man.pdf

    You've got to examine all parts of your life. If you are lonely; try and meet new people. If you go to a city alone, try and plan things to do; like a walking or cycling tour. If you want to discuss getting sober, PM me.
     
  9. Napav

    Napav Fapstronaut

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    All the best.
     
  10. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Happy birthday to me!!

    Hi everyone,

    Today it's 14 days without masturbating and orgasm. As I said, I watched few porn videos 2 days ago but since then I didn't watch anything sexual.

    Something I realised is that everything goes faster and I am much more productive at work. Even if was tired and rusty, I went to my martial art lesson where I was really good and one of the best at sparring.

    I can’t wait to be a month old J , this small achievement wouldn’t be possible without this community.

    Thank you guys!
     
  11. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Way to go! Also remember to put something where the crumbling PMO habit is slowly receding :) Start small, dream big, and if you fall : don't stay down.
    All the best
     
  12. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi Everybody,

    It's now 15 days. Even if I am not feeling the need to watch sexual content, my libido is really high. Yesterday, I went to the gym, during my abs and push ups session, I couldn't stop myself watching women ass, tits etc... I just couldn't.

    Hopefully this problem stopped, when I started my cardio session... as I was really busy running girls weren't my priorities. The pleasure I felt after 45 mins of cardio was so good that nothing even orgasm could replace it ... I am in the right track!

    Why do I have such a high libido ?

    I think that just before going to the gym, I was surfing on youtube in the office during my 4 pm break . One of my dream is to go and attend the carnaval of Rio, so I watched some videos where I could see some girls dancing Samba. As you know, Samba is a really sexual dance. This might be the trigger.

    Now, Do I even need to stop watching normal video where a sexy girl appear ?

    Could you please someone help me on this topic ...!?!
     
  13. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    You're unconsciously looking for more sexual stimulation, since you're stopping to expose yourself to P. It's perfectly normal and through this process you will progressively find that what excites you gets more and more mundane, and less "picture perfect". While this happens you will feel a lot of sexual tension, like steam that you feel like you need to vent. It's only partially what you feel, and more like your brain trying to induce a sexually exciting behavior. What happened at the gym was a very good example of what works to get past these moments/urges/struggles : setting your thoughts on something else, and trying not to focus on that sexually intense thought/sensation. It takes practice, and a little meditation practice goes a long way to achieving this control.
    As for the question about quitting potentially sexy videos, I strongly encourage you to stop them yeah. At least for a good while. It's not a matter of being pure or whatever, it's just because these potential random stimuli actually feed the starving P beast in your brain that craves sexual cues. And your goal is to starve it to death, or at least to a point where you can tell it to shut the fuck up anytime you like ^^ So until the beast is weakened to that point, I urge you to stop feeding it with anything sexual. The reboot is mostly about this, starving the cravings until the stuff that you can't avoid in day to day life (random popups, ads, thumbnails and RL encounters) doesn't have the "omg such sexual tension, I need to jerk off asap" taste.
     
    abel_pua likes this.
  14. Arthurtheking

    Arthurtheking Fapstronaut

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    #grimm stolen headline
     
  15. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone and happy birthday to me!

    yes, 20 days! Yes! I managed to stop watching porn, masturbate and have orgasm during 20 days. I am really surprised how I can control my addiction. I spent all Sunday alone in my house, in the garden with a good Belgian beer, a Greek salad and a book. At anytime, I felt the desire to watch porn or masturbate.

    I reduce the time spend on the internet by increasing the time devoted for my activities. I keep the good work!
     
  16. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Guys, I relasped!

    Yesterday, I was on my home waiting to have a call with a friend. I started to have bad thoughts :

    - Dude, just watch one porn movie!

    - It's just until you start the call

    My friend gave me a call on skype but I was watching porn at the same time. After the call, I went to my 2 hours martial art lesson. When I came back after eating, I couldn't stop myself I run straight to my laptop and start watching porn. 45 minutes later, I had bad thoughts again:

    - Dude, You can do it ...there is nothing bad ... you managed to PMO for 22 days , you see you are not an addict!

    I used the panic button but it didn't help the urge was so strong! So I did it! I couldn't even keep the orgasm for 1 min was so excited. Well, I am not proud of myself, Let's get started again!
     
  17. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    You did great with 22 days already, keep that in mind. You didn't fail anything but a streak that can be attempted again right now. So don't beat yourself over it, save the effort, you'll need the energy : If anything, you should use that energy to reflect on the environmental cues that got you cornered in a place you didn't want to be. I'm not in your head, but I can already see one : - Having downtime ahead of you (waiting for a call at a specific time AND coming back from other activities with nothing else scheduled)

    Each time this happens you can learn something about your own behavior, about how these little things that are completely invisible the rest of the time can invite and perpetuate a way of behaving and acting out your habit/addiction. These need to be identified for full effect, if you just try and control the urges while maintaining everything that's actually calling for an urge, you're making it way harder for yourself (it's never impossible or doomed) to apply the right course corrections and witness the changes.

    Keep it up, it's not over ;)
     
    abel_pua likes this.
  18. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this motivational message, I really appreciate it!

    I am feeling so tired and bad now compared to previous days. I am in the downside now.

    I am going to take time and find what was my real trigger and how to solve it
     
  19. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    Yeah it is a normal thing after using while you're trying to quit. If you care to spend a few minutes on it, I suggest this video HERE put up in the forums by @jesusmysaviour , now that you just relapsed you can follow the different phases come and go, make yourself more aware and more able :)

    All the best
     
  20. You see a lot of success stories, but not everyone will like to admit a relapse. But even when you do, it's hard to admit it. Relapsing is part of the journey, it's great you've accepted it.
    A lot of us have been there and it sucks :(
    Good luck, and keep going!
     

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