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The beginning of the end

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by abel_pua, Apr 20, 2017.

  1. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi everybody,

    It's longtime. I have been off the forum for few weeks, mainly for personal reasons ( to much work). I happy to say that I didn't relapsed or masturbate for 36 days today!

    It's the first time of my life that I have been able to control myself for more than a month...I have to be honest ... I am proud of myself.
    I know that there is still a long way to go but I am using the right path to my goal.
     
    TheFutureMe likes this.
  2. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi everybody,

    I Failed… To be honest I failed at least 15 days ago… let me explain:

    In the beginning of July, I had the chance to go to Morocco. I stayed in an hotel with my cousin. After 66 days of nofap, Seeing girls around the swimming pool with their really attractive swimming suit drove me crazy.

    I couldn’t stop myself imagine these girls naked etc… I managed to resist 3 days then I started watching porn on my mobile in my hotel room and on the 5th day, I J*** off and had an orgasm. I am not really proud of myself but the triggers where everywhere.

    Now…. I am not going to spend tremendous hours complaining but I am going to learn from my mistakes or try to understand how to avoid these mistakes… because I really want succeed.

    1. I realize that the masturbation part is not a daily problem after the 3 first days. I managed to not masturbate for about 70 days. The hardest part was not to watch porn movie. After years of porn addiction, it even became a sort of reward… “I had a hard time at school so tonight I will watch a scene with my favorite porn actress”.

    2. I didn’t get laid during this period. I don’t want to sound arrogant but I am quite successful with girls since I get in touch with the PUA community. In two years, I get laid 36 times by approaching girls on the street in daytime. The problem is that I started my PMO challenge also when I stopped going to London and meeting girls…so I not only stop masturbating but I also stopped having sex. As I am working in an engineering company in a small town in UK, it’s really hard to find nice girls when I am not going to London because I am not a big fan of dating APP.

    3. I installed a porn blocker program but I know the password to get access to certain website. I have some problem with solution. First and foremost, the software keep blocking non sexual website, then it doesn’t solve the problem of my addiction.
     
  3. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    You've taken a big something out of this experience for sure, and will be applying this new knowledge next time a trigger comes around. So it's not failing until you stop trying :)
    70+ days without P or M is a long shot for many of us, so take a moment to acknowledge this success. There are reasons why you stumbled, now that you know more about them you'll be more vigilant; more alert; stronger.

    I was just reading a book about the PUA community, and in the current chapter the author starts complaining that his increasing skills to closing with more and more beautiful women makes him objectify them more, changes his mindset from people with their lives and dreams to challenges that require steps to get to for a specified goal. It's extremely interesting (and my first take at the topic), and in the case of us who are P addicts, we can see of lot of this happening while we use P. While we're not actively engaging with physical people when we use P, the effects seem to be the same - we change our mindsets, can't even see what poeple think of us or feel, we see them on a scale of fuckability/arousal, compare them to fake standards, etc. I find it very courageous of you to have let down P and sarging at the same time... And I'm eager to know what will happen to your sarge/game when you'll feel freed from P - will you get back to it? Or will your mindset have changed enough that you can't afford to shift back to that? (I hope you understand there's no offense or agressivity in my question, just genuine curiosity and hope)

    About the porn blocker, while I've decided to go my way without it (figured I needed to be able to be proud of my willpower, not just happy while blindfolded, despite the greater challenge this comes with), apparently does the better good when you don't know the password. Make someone type something in the setup while you're in another room, and make them keep it secret unless you ask them. Chances are you won't be calling them at night because you have an urge ;)
     
  4. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Thank mate for your encouragement.

    Even If I have been dating a lot of girls the past two years, I still don't see them as sexual object. I have always been able to make the difference between a porn actress and a real woman. I think that I was using my frustration toward girls by watching hardcore porn movies. Then When I started to interact with them, I realised that they were human and not perfect angels or evil creatures haha ... just human.

    What I realised is that not M make my game weaker ... let me explain... As I stopped M, I am getting more excited and show to much energy when I am interacting with the girl which is immediately translate as "needy". When you do "cold Approach", the girl doesn't personally know you so She can only judge on her "first impression"... if her first impression is "this guy is needy--> he doesn't get laid" why I am going to have sex with a guy who doesn't get laid ... NEXT.

    I have asked a friend to create a password for the K9 software... hope it's gonna work
     
  5. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    I've come further in the book and I totally understand what you say now. Approaching girls has never been my strong suit, quite the opposite, now I start to understand why. The AFC is real ;) Also, I totally get why M let's you approach more easily at this stage - though I wonder if it doesn't have a negative impact (on the psyche I mean, I know t does on me now, with guilt etc.) and should *ideally* be driven out of the equation? That would of course mean a real good life/emotional balance to be able to not appear needy while actually being there for... a reason.

    Good work on the friends' password, this is golden for two reasons : 1- you were forced to open to someone about the need to trust them more than you/depend on them and 2- they won't let you down because previous point is a strong case of trust :)

    All the best to you mate
     
  6. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi Everybody!

    It's been a long time since I wrote in this forum. I did try to stop porn, masturbation and orgasm but I couldn't do it. I managed to stay a month without watching porn and masturbating but I was acting like a lion in his cage. I even had some erection at the gym... which was really embarrassing.

    But I am going to give another try and kill my last attempt. My record is a month and I am sure that I can do better. During this abstination month I learned a lot about me and my body. I hope that I will be able to use this knowledge for this new goal.

    NoFap I am back!!
     
  7. TheFutureMe

    TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

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    You surely will put that knowledge to good use. This attempt will most probably bring you further, and you will learn even more. It's rarely a straight journey, but rather a back and forth movement that is the only real way we learn the good stuff. Going on a straight path you learn nothing about yourself, it's just boring and you only think about the end; a complicated one on the other hand, teaches you, makes you think and wonder, and you don't come out as you've entered.
    You got this, and I know that because you're back here trying. ;)
     
  8. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    I am not really proud of myself. I did PMO in only a week. I really thought that abstain from porn will be much easier but it wasn't.
    I started to watch some porn after 6 days...I started with some soft porn and end up with extremely rough porn. I really start panicking now as I couldn't stop to urge ....

    Let's get back to it now....
     
  9. abel_pua

    abel_pua Fapstronaut

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    Wowwww!

    Such a longtime that I haven't been on the forum...

    Just a quick recap, I haven't been dealing with a lot of other things so I could't focus on my nofap journey.
    I managed to stop masturbating for 6 months ( since January), However I relapse when I went back to see my family in Belgium. ( not proud)

    I am back to it now and I will stop masturbating for a year...

    Let's go!!!
     

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