Today is the day I change my life I'm 25, Im in the military, I own a business, I live alone in a nice apt in San Diego, I have a nice car, I am very handsome, above average in height, proportioned minus the lil beer pouch but broad shouldered nonetheless. Good sense of fashion, know how to "talk" and "maintain" a conversation with a female. But. I. Haven't. Had. Sex. In. 5. Years. By sex I mean finishing. That first year, I was married. I lived in Canada (had moved from Miami) I had met a girl in Miami and she visited me once every 3 months... We fell in love. It was probably the most pleasant relationship I had ever been in. But I never was able to function for her. And if I did, the tower would fall. Mind you she'd only stay for days at a time. So I never was able to make it up. Essentially, I have never ever had sex with my wife. We separated that year, and she immediately found someone and got pregnant. She now has a 2 year old going on 3. All because I masturbated too frequently and didn't even know it. She was the icing on the cake. She subconsciously ruined my self worth. I spend every day trying to continue and function as a human being. And on the outside people see this extremely handsome dude who always has a smile on his face and a beamer and a smile and a charm and some nice ass clothes and they say to themselves there's no way this dude is not taken. I masturbate every other night to fall asleep and release anxiety. I wake up with anxiety. I'm not happy. I should be at 9% body fat but I yo yo weight. I have a patchy beard, I have low testosterone levels probably because I have been masturbating since I was 9 non stop.., only a 2 week break in boot camp. The military has set me up for success and I want to take advantage of it. Prior to my pity marriage I had many girlfriends and the weird thing is since I was younger I had more energy thus I was able to finish. But now I cant. Some days I just edge. I even have gay fantasies and thought about trying curious things. When I know deep down I am or will never be bi or gay. Women are gorgeous to me. But these pixelated women are not real. I want the real thing. I can GET the real thing. I can bartend and go wild in San diego. But I have to stop this M thing. It has taken over every aspect of my life. No girl has been able to make me function since 2010. It's bad. By the way, every time I M, I sniff my upper lip uncontrollably. So I feel even more likes primate and a loser. I need your help guys. Hear my cry. I'm separated. Pending divorce but I put it off because that has been my most consistent thing in my inconsistent world for the past 5 years. Need my life back.