The Cold Approach Advice Thread

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mr. Sir, Dec 30, 2015.

  1. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    Alright friends, I decided to make a separate thread for the Glorious Cold Approach Competition for advice. Here we can control, categorize, and archive the best advice so that you socially inept creeps can get out and become friendly little social butterflies. I'm going to divide my bit of advice into three portions: under 18, between 18 and 21, and 21 and older. This advice is predominantly for males. I would really appreciate female contribution to this thread because I believe women need to cold approach and become socially engaging just as much as men.

    Before I go any further, there are two things you will need if you want to cold approach and build success with the study of social dynamics - a pen and a journal. After every day of approaching, you ought to write notes. Before going out, review those notes.

    There are also two concepts we must understand. These are micro-momentum and macro-momentum:
    • Micro-momentum - occurs in one instance where the person approaching builds a type of social momentum where his/her social anxiety becomes relieved and he/she becomes present and is able to achieve "in state", which is full self expression. Example: in a club you might approach 10 women and have rocky interactions or be completely blown off but with more approaches comes greater ease and the next ten become easier, more comfortable, and fun.
    • Macro-momentum - occurs when the person is dedicated to approaching over a long period of time. Approaching becomes habitual. The person finds that they achieve "in state" faster, their mind becomes sharper over time, and they gain wit. This is only achievable when the person is willing to commit to doing multiple approaches on daily basis. The more time off, the more momentum is lost.
    Under 18

    Usually guys who are under 18 feel disadvantaged because the best way to achieve extremely high approach volume is at bars or clubs. This is true, but when you are a high school student under 18 you have access to a lot of events where you can do high volume approaches that you never thought of or learned to utilize.

    One thing to take into account is that most of the girls you are approaching have never and I mean NEVER been approached before. It could be very easy or very hard to establish a good interaction. It's gonna be 50/50. Half will be totally socially inept and the other half with be a lot of fun. Also, the really hot girls don't know they're hot yet. They haven't experienced validation in any form so don't shy away from them.

    Alright, so here's what you're going to do:
    • Join at least one sport at your school. Sports are important because you'll learn how to interact with other males and a productive manner and you'll also need to climb their social hierarchy and become that guy who keeps them hyped up. One reason I can hype myself and improve the mood of the crowd on dance floor of the club is because I did the exact same thing in the weight room with the football team. It was practically a rave with weights!
    • You will join either speech (improvised acting) or if your school does not have it, acting/drama club. This will force you to become comfortable speaking in front of crowds but if you can join improv, what is better is you get access to massive tournaments that go on for entire weekends. You'll be at a school or hotel full of girls from other schools, districts, or (if you're any good) states. This means you can cold approach relentlessly with no fear of them really ever seeing you again.
    • Join meetup.com. Join all of your city's volunteer organizations. Half of the volunteer meet ups are full of high school aged girls who are in some kind of church club and their mothers are forcing them to do charity work. I discovered this accidentally when I was getting hours for a class. There was one high school aged male and about thirty females. I was looking at the kid like, "WTF! Why aren't you talking to these girls?!"
    • Public sporting events - specifically baseball games. Baseball, basketball, and football games are full of dads who drag their daughters out, attempting to force them to develop an appreciate sports. These girls usually wind up wandering around the stadium not watching the game. They'd probably really appreciate it if you approached them. Baseball games are the cheapest because nobody likes it anymore.
    • Public parks - some girls go out and play soccer or basketball. A lot of parents put their kids in club sports. Between basketball games get out there and approach! Back in the day I got a few numbers doing this.
    • Concerts/music festivals - a lot of these are open to all ages. Usually there are more females than males because, guess what... all the guys your age are at home fapping.
    • Your neighborhood pool - summer is great, isn't it?
    • Don't get discouraged! Your parents might not want to give you ride. You might not have money. All you need is a bicycle and a lot of motivation. If you work a summer job, save as much money as possible so you can afford going out. Most high school kids wind up broke because they spend all their money on drugs. Don't get caught up drinking and smoking weed. It's a trap and turns you into a broke looser with diminished drive.
    Over 18 and under 21

    Reference a lot of the points I made in the previous section. They still apply to you. The only difference now is that when approaching in a public setting, where age isn't screened you ought to ask their age immediately. Example:
    You: "Hi, I saw you're looking at _________ . I think that's really cool!"
    Her: "Blahablahabla"
    You: "I'm __________ . Who are you?"
    Her: "Blahablahbla"
    You: "How old are you?"

    This can be done faster but that is pretty concise.

    • College - I go to a smaller community college and I'm approaching five women a day. Don't make excuses. Even if the interaction is rocky, most women really only remember that you were the guy who had balls to approach them. After a week or two of approaching girls started waving to me, smiling, and saying "Hello" on all the time. This is a method called "planting seeds".
    • Clubs - A lot of clubs will let people in who are 18 or older if they have focus on dancing. You can always look a place up on Google and call them and make a list of places that will let you in.
    • Hookah Bars - These places are great because they facilitate conversation much better than clubs. You really should never pay for hookah because sometimes it's hit or miss. What I used to do is I designed walking/biking routes where I could pass these two hookah bars near my place three or four times. I would look at the patio. If there was a group of girls, I'd simple walk up and sit down with them. Now, this may seem odd, but I'm telling you, people love this. Just smile and you'll be alright.
    21 and Older

    Reference my previous points. Now, it's up to you how often you go out and approach. Don't get caught up in the narrative of "club/bar women are sluts". Look, if you were to go out and interview 100 very attractive women, you'd find that most of those who are single go out regularly. This is how it's always been. Hot women go out dancing. They've been doing this since the industrial revolution. There is no limit to the amount of times you can go our or the number of approaches you can do. But you need to do this sober. Stop drinking. Learn to approach and dance sober and you'll have more fun than when you drank!

    Go and check out The Glorious Cold Approach Competition of 2016! Join it and break out of your anti-social box! Feel free to contribute! Thanks for reading!
     
  2. BrainPlasticity

    BrainPlasticity Fapstronaut

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    This is good stuff. Let's use this thread to discuss key learnings as we keep doing cold approaches. I just spoke to a girl on my way to the restaurant. Just asked her whether the grocery stores are open today. She replied and then I moved on. Could have followed up by telling her how her hairstyle looked somewhat Japanese and thereby have a conversation. Oh well, it's just my first one. I'll improve bit by bit. Like in boxing, I'll start off with safe jabs and then move on to more damaging punches.
     
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  3. seth

    seth Fapstronaut

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    This is a great post. If you read a book, "Venusian Arts" by "Mystery", it has a lot of great information about how to feel comfortable approaching women and how to hold a conversation. Two quick tidbits. Try to include "false time constraints" and "negs".

    False Time Constraints: A subtle, quick statement that tells your audience/set you can't stay too long.
    For instance: "Hey I only have a minute, but I wanted to ask you..."
    Negs: A subtle statement that puts down your target.
    For instance: "Those shoes look really comfortable." or telling the target's friend (in front of the target), "Is she always like this?"
    False time constraints does two things. By telling your set that you can't stay too long, you don't come across as too needy or wanting attention. Girls won't instinctively reject someone if they appear to be leaving in a minute. The second thing is that it creates a fear of loss. If you seem interesting, the fact that you're leaving in a minute creates a desire for you to stay ("oh don't leave!").

    Negs lower your targets value because hot girls don't usually get put down. But you have to do it playfully and not appear to give it too much thought. Girls want to get the positive attention that they deserve so they'll work to get your positive attention - just what you want.

    But most of all, nothing compares to approaching on a regular basis. You can reading and learn all you want, but you will get nowhere if you do not practice approaching and get over a fear of rejection.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2016
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  4. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

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    Nooo, I am 23 and I am in the oldest category :O I am so old. I am an old grandpa :(
    Women want someone who is young.. :(
     
  5. seth

    seth Fapstronaut

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    You couldn't be more wrong. Women (and men) want someone who is attractive, confident, and socially savvy. In fact the latter two are more important than the former.
     
  6. Punisher93

    Punisher93 Fapstronaut

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    Get out of here! I'm nearly 23. DO NOT EVER SAY IS OLD, even as a joke lol
     
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  7. icypen179

    icypen179 New Fapstronaut

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    Couples of things to look out in college game. First, cold approaching in college might be a good start for anyone who wants to get good with woman or cure social anxiety. However, ur reputation is really important in college since the college community is small and u might meet the person who rejected u again. As a result, u might end up being noticed as a "pickup" guy who do cold approaches, which is good if u want to live up as that guy, but then girls in the college will start gossiping about u if u had a failed interaction with them and make other girls become defensive towards u. So what I suggest is that, at college , u shouldn't do cold approaches like in the mall, street, club or bar, but rather focus on expanding your social circle and build ur reputation as a " cool guy" who have lots of things going on with his life. This will helps u to have a better chance to get laid with the girl in your circle. College game is really easy, girl just wanna have sex with the guy they feel comfortable with and had a good chemistry going on. However, it should be in private where u and her are isolated, not in front of public. Also, ppl in the college will acknowledge you as a guy who have value ( like a celebrity ) so it helps u to interact with new people easier.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2016
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  8. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    I can confidently say that Neg's are unnecessary. You want to show your value to the girl. If you're negging, your frame of mind will be "I have to pull her down to my level." Instead, she should be inspired to reach up to your level. There's nothing wrong with teasing, that's part of the flirting process, but the difference is in intention and openness. Negs are generally poorly concealed, backhanded compliments and similar implied insults. And their intention is pulling her down, or appearing uncaring in her eyes. Teasing is right out in the open, but it's all for fun. I've read a lot, and have friends who's extremely proficient, and I can say that for cold approaches, the two best sources of info for techniques and minset seem to be:
    - Krauser's London daygame model
    -RSDMax

    Krauser basically says you can approach with an indirect but then reveal your true reasons for taking to her. Keep the energy high at first, tell a DHV story (funny stories that demonstrate your value in subtle ways) and make observations about her. Don't drop into question-mode. TELL her about herself. Get her talking. Lower the energy to build comfort, but have little every spikes. Then, number close.

    RSDMax's main message is to be fun, outcome independent and not care about rejection. Either love or hate everything she says, don't be afraid to emote. Have a mindset of bringing the party. You're not trying to weasel your way into some fun, you're generously sharing your awesome life/energy/fun with her. You can say as ridiculous things as you want honestly. A friend of mine number-closed when his opener was "I completely forgot what I was about to say to you." He said it in a relaxed manner, confident and slightly self-amused. Conversation flowed from there. Be comfortable with the situation: don't make it a big deal. You saw a nice girl and decided to talk to her. It's not some intense pick-up attempt. Eye contact! Palm reading. Making her twirl. All good, fun things.
     
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  9. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    @MercenaryKing great input. I like the idea "Tell her about herself". That's very powerful.

    @icypen179 I don't think people recognize you as the "pickup guy" unless you're very shallow and corny. You're also making sweeping generalizations about female behavior. You're judging interactions based on "success" and "failure" which tells me you spend a lot of time in your head being analytical and not in the present having fun. You're still in the mode where you think learning pickup is creepy. It is creepy. And the only creepier than learning pickup is not learning pickup. That's why we're here isn't it? Because we didn't talk to girls and instead we masturbated to our imaginations of them and moved on to porn when imagination took too much effort.
     
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  10. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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  11. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    @icypen179 In regards to being creepy, RSDMax has a great video about it.



    The general idea is that creepiness comes from feeling like you're outside the fun and value, so you're reaching in like "please give me a piece of that! I want in on this!" whereas a far better frame is like "I'm having fun, self-amusing and bringing the party. I'm happy to share this vibe with you if you're on my level."

    SELF-AMUSEMENT is really important. Forget about what she thinks, do what you find entertaining, say what you find funny, but not even for her, for you.

    Here a great video about getting her talking more than you for any guys feeling like you're putting in too much effort for really crap responses from her. Daytime cold approaches are a little different because you have to start with more input but the principle still stands and it's a great video.

     
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  12. lucky007

    lucky007 Fapstronaut

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    I just want to add what I feel is the most important advice for guys who cold approach.

    The most important aspect of cold approaching is to find a venue where the women in public will be open and receptible to being approach by strange men.

    So you need to find specific functions that cater to single women such as a singles cruise, a singles meet up, or a party that caters to single people.

    Talking to a woman at the mall, while she is at work, or out on the street, your success rate will drastically drop because talking to a woman outside a singles event she will see you as a person getting in the way of something she has to do and they will have a huge psychological wall up.
     
  13. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    I would say the exact opposite. You approach when you WANT to approach wherever, whenever you feel the.... urge! Woman will appreciate your boldness. At 'events', there are so many men lining up to hit on woman. In true cold approach, you are manning up and standing out from the crowd.
     
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  14. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    Just a little comedy to change things up. I've been watching these old 50's videos and they're gold! Watch this and you'll be cracking up!



    Edit. I have another one for ya'll.

     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2016
  15. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    @lucky007 I have to respectfully disagree. Obviously your success rate will be higher on a singles cruise, but that's not the point. The mall is actually a fantastic place for cold approaching: people aren't usually in a hurry, it's public and casual, and there's lots of girls to choose from. A friend of mine who loves day game got a threesome out of the second set of cold approaches he ever did! It's not about the rejections. The fact is, cold approaching works. Plus it's a challenge which is awesome :)
     
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  16. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    You'd be really surprised how receptive and friendly most girls are when cold approached
     
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  17. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    They really are. The reason why these guys are coming on our cold approach threads, thinking cold approach is creepy is because they are creeps. To put it more accurately, they give off a creepy vibe. You can play dungeons and dragons as your hobby and give off a cool vibe. You can be an amazing athlete and be a total creeper. It's all subjective. If you think you're being a creep and that women won't be receptive you need to do one of two things: 1) Actually try cold approach rather than talking about it online 2) Self-improve, clean up your vibe and stop creeping.
     
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  18. lucky007

    lucky007 Fapstronaut

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    I can respect your ideas and cold approaching does work. Just be careful, in this day and age, a male approaching strange women isn't seen as harmless as it use to be.

    In regards to approaching in malls, I just wouldnt do it, malls will now ban you if they find out you are cold approaching women. It's considered harassment. This is the kind of country we live in now.

    As a person who has been overseas, I would much rather cold approach women, say, in Brazil, Thailand, or Japan. Hell, in Latin countries women will be offended if you don't approach or compliment them, and they will come up to YOU if they find your attractive. This is my experience.

    It's not about giving off creep vibes, it's about the receptiveness of the women in a population you're trying to speak to. American/UK women are the least receptive women, so in terms of having success, and to cover your own a##, I would only only approach women at specific functions that cater to single people, or pursue foreign women.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2016
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  19. lucky007

    lucky007 Fapstronaut

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    Respected sir, women get hit on numerous times every single day, so you going up to a woman and hitting on her doesn't make yourself standout because 3-4 other men have already beat you to it, and 1-2 other men will speak to her after you leave.

    What truly makes yourself standout as a man to a woman is if you are a high net worth individual, you're famous, or both.

    By all means go after what you want, but personally, I'm not trying to make my life harder then it has to be.
     
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  20. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    @lucky007 Once again you're massively generalizing a population. These sweeping generalizations are a bad habit. I know what you're talking about though and why you have that idea. It's partly cultural and it's partly feminism in the west. What you must understand about feminism is that it this man-hating, putz-shaming ideology arose in the west because so many women have to cope with dating/marring beta males. If your husband does not assume a masculine role, someone has to for the relationship polarity. If you want an example, look at the relationships sub-forum and you'll see how so many men are taking on beta-male roles.

    Fundamentally, 99/100 women will respond positively to real masculine energy. When a man is congruent and knows what he wants, no amount of feminist brain washing will trump nature.

    You are dealing with a personality flaw and it is clouding your perception of the world. Enter the rabbit hole of circumventing social conditioning:

     
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