A tip a day keeps the P away (66 TIPS IN TOTAL)!

(13)

E + F + C = M. That is, Excitement plus Fatigue, plus Confusion equals Mistakes
So be warned; and get ready, and if this happens, don't drift; STOP and THINK.

Habits form in a loop: cue - routine - reward.

Successfully changing a habit requires three things:
- identify your cues (urges..)
- replace the routine with something else (get to work.. come to NoFap..)
- get reward from doing the new routine (write your accomplishment.. get a coffee..)
You can apply this to any habit behaviour.
The people who successfully beat addictions are those who have planned out every detail -
they have a detailed relapse prevention strategy for dealing with triggers and urges.
You have to do something different to get a different result; thinking is not enough; will power without doint something is not enough; period!

Urges feel awful but it can be helpful to remember that the average urge lasts less than 10 minutes. If you can plan out something to do that's distracting for when urges hit; ANYTHING; go and DO IT; just get away from the computer / mobile...

Remember; the urge will pass, and will be forgotten. Just re-focus on your success.

Thanks to @diddykong & @D . J . !

 

(14)

The key to overcoming any addiction is extreme self-discipline; there is no other way, and no shortcuts. That means treating yourself as if you are in boot camp in numerous areas in life. Forming habits like exercising, keeping a regular schedule, limiting computer time, taking cold showers, and avoiding sugar will all help you achieve your goal. It is very very difficult to break an addiction like this, and it requires action.

This a journey and not a sprint; you have to be in for the long-term. If you believe "by 'this day (date)' I need (want) to be okay", you may find yourself disappointed. Unless you began your addiction yesterday, don't expect to have complete victory by tomorrow. It takes time. We are here for you for as long as it takes.

Identifying your triggers is like hearing an early warning alarm showing you the enemy is lurking and ready to strike. Your triggers are you weak points and the PMO already exploits them so it would be wise for you to know them as well. Your triggers will be those things that occur and you find yourself wanting to turn to PMO for escape and comfort. There are visual triggers that may be avoided but the emotional triggers are much more difficult. Write them down, do the effort and get serious; don't be lazy when it comes to planning.

When dealing with triggers, remember to STOP!:

• Stop
• Take a breath
• Observe feelings, sensations and thoughts
• Proceed with something that will help you in the moment (i.e. coping skills)

Thanks to @P__phonic & @D . J . !

 

(13)

This is what happens when you decide to just take a peek (don't think about checking out anything!)

 

(14)

Hidden inside is a precious and valuable better you. Don't lose that to the accumulated mental filth caused by years of porn use The you who has empathy, sensitivity, creativity, concentration, patience, equanimity, friendliness, strength, resolve, purpose, joy, peace, love and a million other virtues is waiting to be revealed. All you have to do is clean off the dirt.

What you lose with PMO:
- Dignity
- Confidence
- Time
- Motivation
- Charm & Vibe
- Energy
- Self Discipline

What you gain AWAY from PMO:
- Better Mood
- Super Productivity
- Stress Coping Ability
- Life Handling Skills
- Lively Feelings
- Sociability
- Confidence, Charm, Vibe!
- Will to Improve Constantly!

 

(15)

Recovery is much more than simply abstaining. We have to learn to learn to cope with our pain in healthier ways. We have to change our belief systems including what we believe to be right and wrong. We have to learn to see life as it really is and not color it with irrational thinking. We have to get rid of an addict's logic and beliefsystem. Rebooting is more than a sexual resetting of our brains. It's correcting all kinds of damage we have causedourselves when we choose tosink into a pattern of addiction.

For those in recovery, we have to understand what our triggers are. It can be looking at something that triggers us. Thinking about something. Feeling something. Something being done to us. But we can also be triggered when we stumble upon an event involved in our former ritual. A recovering teenager may get ready for bed and is ready to shut off his lights... he compulsively checks to see if the door is locked... and he feels a strong urge to bring his cell phone to bed... because that was his ritual. He wasn't thinking about porn but he experienced the first event in a series of events that used to end in PMO. Break the rituals to their critical points, and take action to change your habits, step by step, with new habits.

Recovery is more than abstinence... it includes recognizing rituals that can trigger a relapse. It means changing behaviors that bring us into temptation. If the wife leaves the house, then we might have to leave the house. If we're used to staying up later than the wife, then we have to change our bedtime. Routines are hard to change but we have to break out of our behavior ruts that end in PMO.

Addiction is a lonely place to live; it's a web of lies. Our addiction doesn't question us, doesn't complain or makes demands. It tricks us momentarily with a promise to feel better. It becomes our one source of synthetic instant jolt of joy, while at the same time it destroys our lives, and drives us into further isolation. It robs us of our humanity. Recovery is about recovering our humanity and becoming human again.

Thanks to @i_wanna_get_better1 & @D . J . !

 

(16)

The path out of sexual addiction, and other unwanted sexual behaviors, is through digging into what caused it to begin in the first place. So recovery may not be a simply matter of just avoidance, i.e., kill lust off and all will be well. There may also be a need to do some hard work of probing into the specifics of your unique brokenness to understand why you began down that road to begin with.

Once you have discovered and begun to deal with this, your journey will be easier to travel. PMO is not the cause of our issues, it's the poor solution we have chosen to deal with other issues in our lives which in turn became an issue itself. By not dealing with the original issue(s) in our lives, we turned to PMO for escape and comfort not knowing we there creating a learned behavior of dopamine to which we then form an addiction. Determining the root cause and creating healthy solutions for dealing with that cause will lessen the attraction to run to PMO for a quick fix.

If you fail, never give up because F.A.I.L means" First Attempt In Learning". And the End is not the end. In fact, E.N.D means "Effort Never Dies" And remember if you get a "No" for your efforts, its just means "Next Opportunity."
Stay strong brothers.

Thanks to @Acheron @Tao Jones @D . J . !

 

(17)

For those who are losing a lot / really addictive / destroying their lives / here is a really good solution

This is similar to the steps taken to overcome the smoking and drinking addictions (getting them away from you, making them inaccessible).

"Remove INTERNET from your House" and your Internet Subscription. You will never win if you're Living with your Enemy at the same House.

Internet is your Hidden Enemy, and it will always wait for that perfect moment when you'll be weak, lonely, in a bad mood to attack you so that you'll Relapse. But NOT if you cancel your Internet Subscription. You don't have the choice, it's either Internet, or PMO. Internet is your Enemy. You will never be cured unless you Remove it. This way your Enemy will stop living with you at the same house, and stop attacking you.

Thanks to @Furozima10 !

NB: I personally did this for around 6-8 months in my life, and only used the very expensive mobile internet at home (for business), and it was one of the best times for real. I did so many other things when I was not glued to the computer screen. If the internet doesn't = cash for you (at home); just drop it for a change (if your case is THAT bad).

 

Done! I edited it a little (like I do with everything) and added even my personal opinion; thanks

 

(18)

To succeed in the NoFap journey, one needs to realize that his effort needs to be 100%, all the time, urges or not. Addicts fail in letting go easily because they think that stopping wouldn't require quite so much effort.

Here is a successful example of how one should self-talk / act in order to acheive that:

I realize that once a thought arises, I need to turn it off immediately, then remind myself of what following through on this thought will always lead to, no matter what the "addiction" spider says. Then I need to reaffirm what my intention is.

Since Saturday I've been shutting down any thoughts of checking social media or advertisements immediately - any content on any medium that leads to lusting and dopamine hits and the compulsion to look at one image or video after the next, sometimes for hours.

Seems to be working so far, urges and ideas have been much less present. I need to keep starving that big "addiction" black spider that lives in in my mind and in my gut, the one who spins out those urges and ideas. Urges and ideas that trap me in my addiction.

A very big thanks goes to @flyswat !

 

Thanks; the same goes to you

 

(19)

Transitions should be looked as a part of recovery. Transitions occur every time you face a major life event, and life is full of transitions. Some triggered by positive events, some from devastating ones. But almost every time you experience one, you are faced with the feelings of insecurity, pain, confusion and anxiety.

Your role is to recognize that there will likely be three major transitions that you will encounter throughout your recovery from P addiction. Recovery itself is a transition. It is a process of change. And like all healthy transitions, it will be most effective when there is an ending, an emptiness/loss and finally, a new beginning. Therefore the three transitions are:

• First is the one that occurs as you go from acting out to active recovery (struggle to end the addiction);
• Second the other is as you go from active recovery to an active pursuit of health (emptiness inside);
• Third is the final when you reach the healthy stage permanently (a new beginning and phase)

Most are not aware of, and so they don't prepare for the second transition: moving from active recovery to health. For many individuals, 'managing their addiction/compulsive behavior' is their immediate goal. It is what they expect and it is how they measure their recovery success. Stopping your compulsive behavior is merely a single step in the process of transitioning from active addiction to active recovery.

Just stopping the P addiction, without actually committing to ending it permanently, you will not experience an ending to your addiction. And because an ending has not taken place, a healthy transition cannot be experienced.

This is a summary of the "Recovery Nation Workshops".. Part 1 of 5.

Source: https://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_000.php

 

(20)

In recovery from addiction, there must be an ending (emotionally and physically) to your addiction before you can accurately perceive a new beginning to your life. Until this ending takes place, you will continue to see any future dreams and aspirations — including your ability to live without the addictions — with an asterisk. That asterisk will remind you that you can always go back to the compulsions if things don't go the way you want them to.

Soon after this ending occurs, you will likely experience an emptiness — a confusion. A sense of loss; that is VERY NATURAL. You may go weeks and/or months (depending on how ingrained the addiction was) with a feeling that you are not yourself. That something is missing.

This void is an experience that, while having the potential to be extremely uncomfortable, is a clear sign that you are putting yourself in a position for true, core change to take place. It is a sign that real change is taking place to your core identity.

This is a summary of the "Recovery Nation Workshops".. Part 2 of 5.

Source: https://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_000.php

 

(21)

What happens in an unsuccessful / incomplete transition? You name it. The person tries to replace the emotional intensity of a longtime partner with that of the new one. He tries to change women on screen with women in real life (lust with lust). The person tries to intoxicate themselves with the passion that new relationships offer, which allows them to temporarily forget about the long-term relationship they were just in. There are hundreds of things that can take place in an unhealthy transition. The one thing that each shares is the lack of a clear ending.

In recovery, an ending can be seen as the absolute commitment to recover. A feeling that, no matter what happens from here on out, I am going to fight these damned compulsions every chance I get! I am going to use every tool in my arsenal. I am going to see my compulsive behaviors — and all they have done to my life (or kept me from doing) — and I am going to conquer them.

That is what you are facing now. That is the first transition that you must undertake...if you are to permanently end these patterns. As you begin to gain experience and confidence in managing your addiction, an emotional change will begin to take shape. You will begin to look around and realize that this addiction recovery work wasn't nearly as hard as you thought it would be. And this will breed additional confidence, along with an even more successful implementation of the tools. Soon thereafter, as you find more and more success in managing the compulsive urges...you will begin to experience the second stage of the transition: the emptiness.

This is a summary of the "Recovery Nation Workshops".. Part 3 of 5.

Source: https://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_000.php

 

(22)

Emptiness, and not completely understanding it; is the second common trap that people fall into when transitioning from compulsions to recovery. In most addictions, the person has come to depend on their addictive behavior to manage their emotional state. Without the ingrained addiction, they are left with an emotional void that is very real. And very uncomfortable.

The trap is in seeing this void as proof that their addiction was a natural, necessary entity in their life. They begin to feel an emotional emptiness...no urges...no pleasure...no anything. And they assume that something is wrong. That they need their addiction in order to feel normal. And here comes the P, or the lust for women, or the affairs and superficial relationships. And then, right on cue...here comes the excitement and pleasure and passion. Along with the guilt and shame and depression. But it doesn't matter. They would rather feel all of the emotions, than to feel nothing at all. And so, relapse occurs.

Here the person care not for the misery, nor the pain, nor the consequences. He would cherish his emotional extremes as he believes that it was his ability to experience such extremes that made him who he was. This is common with many people who struggle with addictive behavior. They addict acts out to shift the emotions that they are experiencing — not to dull them.

This is a summary of the "Recovery Nation Workshops".. Part 4 of 5.

Source: https://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_000.php

 

(23)

The point to this is simple. The emptiness that comes with a transitional ending can be overwhelming. The void that is created when eliminating the behavioral patterns that managed the majority of your emotions is like removing your soul. You no longer feel "normal". You feel as if there is something wrong inside of you; like you are broken somehow. You might even feel that, without these compulsive behaviors, life isn't even worth living. That it is these behaviors that made you special. So, inevitably, you go back to acting out because even the potential negative emotional consequences of your behavior (guilt, shame, failure, loneliness, etc.) are better than to have no emotions at all.

So, in preparing your road to recovery, you will need to prepare yourself for a time when you might feel empty inside. It will come after the euphoria of beginning your recovery, and it will come after you have put an end to your desire to continue your life the way that it is. This period may last a few days, it may last a few weeks. Rarely, will it ever last longer than that. And in those few weeks, your goal will be to recognize this emptiness, and begin to fill it with the values and the dreams that you believe in.

A new beginning, is the phase that follows emptiness. That's what this whole thing is pretty much all about. Where you are happy with your new life the way that it is. You seek a new beginning of some sort. You will develop a clear understanding of your values/your goals. All that is necessary for you to understand now is that transitions do not end with a cessation of previous behaviors and then nothing. All transitions end with a new beginning.

This is a summary of the "Recovery Nation Workshops".. Part 5 of 5.

Source: https://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_000.php

 

(24)

An A-to-Z Plan to Succeed in Overcoming PMO (and resolving the emptiness challenge)

The Seven Stages of a Permanent Recovery: The following summarizes seven critical stages that must be addressed when developing a foundation for a permanent transition to health. Mastering each stage in sequence will keep you on a direct path as you transition from a life based in addiction, to one that is based in health.

Stage 1: Lay the Foundation for Permanent Change: This means that you must let go of all preconceptions relating to your addiction and your ability to recover. To make changes to patterns that have already become ingrained into your identity/lifestyle, a complete commitment to making these changes must take place. This is why the decision (aka the motivation) to end your addiction must come from within you. Get a plan put in place, and get your knowledge right.

Stage 2: Develop Realistic Expectations: Until a strong recovery foundation is in place, it does little good to anticipate recovery outcomes. Setting realistic goals, managing common recovery obstacles, letting go of the dysfunctional beliefs, learning to measure progress in healthy terms.

Stage 3: Rebuild Your Identity: This is the beginning of the transition from recovery to health. In this stage, you begin to identify how your addiction-oriented identity influenced the majority of the destructive decisions that you have made. Rebuilding your identity requires developing the insights necessary to forgive yourself. Not forget, mind you...but you must give yourself the permission to succeed in changing your life. Without this, you will face an ongoing struggle with recovery sabotage and will not be able to fully commit to the process of change. Those who are able to effectively transition away from addiction have universally experienced a change in the way they view their past.

Stage 4: Managing the First Setback: With every recovery, there will be a 'first setback'. For most, there will be many such setbacks. A setback is not the same as a full blown relapse — relapse is not an expected part of the recovery process — but more so, this setback can be isolated to the point where you, engaging in absolute honesty with yourself, recognize that you have been acting/thinking in a manner that is not conducive to furthering your healthy identity. The moment you recognize this — ANY TIME that you recognize this — a plan must be in place that allows you to engage in a rational, healthy decision-making process. Developing a plan to manage such setbacks is an important objective.

Stage 5: Lifestyle Changes through Skill Development: Armed with a realistic expectation of your recovery process, your personal goals and your current strengths and weaknesses, you're now ready to pull all of the pieces together to begin transitioning to a healthy life. This means that, while you may not immediately benefit from such a transition, by learning to rely on your existing strengths/values and by strengthening those values that are currently weak or non-existent, you will have begun the transition from an addiction-based thought process to one based in health. You choose what is important to you and what you value, and work towards it wholeheartedly.

Stage 6: Prepare for Relapse Prevention: Just as it is important to prepare yourself to manage setbacks, it is equally important to prepare yourself for relapse prevention. Without a clear, organized approach to relapse prevention, you may very well succeed in achieving abstinence — even long term abstinence — but you and your loved ones will forever be looking over your shoulders in fear. An effective relapse prevention plan will instill confidence in both you and your loved ones in knowing that the changes that are taking place are real. And they are permanent.

Stage 7: Progression, Not Perfection: The final stage in a permanent recovery process is to leave recovery behind. Once you have replaced your addiction-based identity with a value-based identity, once you have mastered the critical life management skills, once you have ingrained a process for monitoring complacency and relapse preventions, the final stage of recovery is to put the addiction behind you. Inside, you will know that the person you once were, you no longer are. Critical to this change is the need to continue nourishing your healthy identity. To continue developing. Not because you have to to ward off a return of the addiction, but because it is what healthy people do. They grow and develop across their life span.

This is a summary of the "Recovery Nation Method"

Source: https://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_000.php

 

(25)

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning