The Curse of NoFap

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Mankrik, Dec 2, 2016.

  1. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I understand the title is contreversial and has a negative connotation but this is a genuine observation that I feel many others are also aware of and are in agreement with. I want to make it abundantly clear that I in no way oppose nofap, and its effects on me have been overwhelmingly positive and life changing.

    First I will say that today is day 91 of my nofap journey and even though I have surpassed my goal at this point, I am not going to relapse any time soon. The purpose of this post is for me to talk about an observation I have had in my nofap experience. I find it easiest to describe this observation as "the curse of nofap".

    Nofap has worked wonders for me and has been literally life changing. I am so much happier and more confident than ever before and this is a lifestyle change I have permanently adapted. The "curse" however, simply put, is that nobody wants to discuss nofap irl. I have found it very difficult to find support, even from the closest people in my life. Me and my brother are very close, and I try to tell him about the amazing benefits I have recieved from nofap but he just dismisses me and tells me its too personal. I love my brother and want him to experience the same benefits I have, but he won't even have a discussion with me let alone try it.


    I am 17 and I still live with my parents, they have no idea I ever had porn addiction or have since adapted nofap. I have great parents and I believe they would be supportive if I told them although maybe reluctantly so. However they never even had the sex talk with me, so such conversation pertaining to nofap would seem very spontaneous and akward.

    Everyone I have told about nofap simply dismisses me or does not believe me. I tell them passionately about how nofap has changed my life for the better yet they dont seem to care and dont even consider trying it for themself.

    This has been my greatest frustration with nofap. I feel as though I have found a golden key that unlocks life's secrets, yet people look at me like im a fool. I want to share this great experience with those I know and care about, but many of my friends shun me for bringing it up and I feel as though it would be socially unacceptable to share with people such as my parents.

    I find solace in the nofap forums; everyone here has been very kind. Everyone has a mutual understanding, and different outlooks are presented so that we can all see different persectives and grow. I wish such interaction could exist face to face in real life.


    It occurs to me know as I write this, that I might not have the right people in my life to support me. I perhaps should go out and find those who will. What have your guy's experience's been with trying to talk about nofap irl? I feel great I just have no one in my life to share my passions and realizations with. Do any of you have the same problem? Sorry if this topic seems outlandish, just a major issue im not sure how to fix.
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    It's not outlandish at all. I would, however, suggest that the title of this thread should be the curse of PMO. To want to hear the solution to a problem, one has to admit there is a problem. We are here because we realized we had a problem no one else wanted to admit to having. IRL, I don't talk about it because no one I know would admit it was a problem or they would blame it on something else. That's why we are a community because we have lifted the blindfolds from our eyes and have seen the truth. If the majority of the medical and scientific community won't admit PMO is a problem why would you expect the world at large to admit it. It's not until there are many celebrities or other famous people come out and talk about it that many will only then begin to listen. Unfortunately there is too much money involved in pornography and the money from pornography reaches too many influential people for there to be an abrupt change. Masturbation is too taboo for many to admit to and too personal for others to speak of for there to be honest conversations about it. The psychiatric community can make too much money from useless sessions to actually prescribe the advice we give for free.

    So I would not say NoFap is a curse but most definitely PMO is.
     
  3. Green_Tea

    Green_Tea Fapstronaut

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    - "It's silly to try to escape other people's faults. They are inescapable. Just try to escape your own."
    From "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius

    That said, I did mention NoFap to a close friend a couple months ago; he was quite receptive. Although, he said he had already been on NoFap for 3 months in the past. Another time, more recently, I mentioned porn addiction to another friend, and he admitted that it is probably quite common among men. It probably just depends who you talk to. Since you're still quite young, it's likely most people your age are either uncomfortable talking about it, or consider it to be normal.

    All the best!

    So true, change can only come from one's own self. Relying on psychiatrists too heavily will only make problems worse since they are likely to abuse your problems in order to profit. Great post!
     
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2016
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  4. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    This is an interesting topic, and I wonder how many people relapse as a consequence of having this experience.

    The thing is, anything you do to improve yourself (whether it's nofap, going on a diet, getting an education or all of the above) is often going to upset the people closest to you. Your family are used to you being a certain way. Your friends chose you when you were that way. If you improve yourself, there is always the fear, often subconscious, that they will lose you, that you won't need them anymore. In some cases, it's right -- you mightn't have anything in common with some of your old friends once you eliminate PMO from your life.

    Let me put it another way. Why do we love sit-coms? So many of us sit and watch sit-coms that use the same jokes every week, often we'll watch old re-runs of sit-coms. Surely the same joke can't still be funny 20 years later, but we all laugh just as hard. Why? It's because watching an old rerun of a sit-com is like dropping in on old friends who never change. In that world Homer Simpson will still be an overweight slob. He won't get heart failure from his lifestyle. He won't lose his job when the power plant is sold off to foreign investors. Nor will he change his lifestyle, get fit or get a promotion. And we love that.

    It's the same in real life, too. Talk to anyone who came from an under-privileged background to become extremely successful, and they'll tell you about the people they had to leave behind. The relationship that fell by the wayside. They'll never say it publicly. lest they be accused of being "pretentious" or "forgetting where they came from", but they all had to do it. For some people, self-improvement can be a lonely journey, which is part of the reason so many people don't make it.

    That said, even as much as nofap is working for you, you can't change anybody else unless they're ready to make a change. Your parents grew up in another generation, and they may not understand how addictive modern Internet porn can be (once upon a time, the only porn came through monthly magazines that were a lot less graphic). Your brother may be in denial that he has a problem, or perhaps he and some of your other friends do genuinely regard porn and masturbation as something that is genuinely too private to talk about.

    All you can do is continue living the lifestyle and reaping the benefits. One of the great things about the Internet age is the ability to connect to people like this, who can act as your support network. The other people close to you? They may see your improvement and decide they want to know more about it. Some of your friends may fall by the wayside and be replaced by new friends as you find things in common with different people along your journey. This is not their fault, or your fault. It's just part of the evolutionary process.
     
  5. F50C137YZ

    F50C137YZ Fapstronaut

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    I wrote a paper about the negative effects of porn in English class. I used many reputable sources from Google Scholar and my school's online library. I also used my personal experience with porn addiction to further my argument. I got an A on said paper. I also had to present it in class. All of my classmates were female and my professor was also female.

    I receive extremely positive feedback. One of my classmates told me that her boyfriend was addicted to porn. She said that she knew it, but he didn't consider it a problem. She said she would tell him all about it.

    My professor said, "That was the bravest and best paper that I've ever seen." She asked if she could use it as an example paper for other students.

    Because I wrote that paper, people that would have possibly never been exposed to the idea that porn is actually bad for you will now read it. That makes me proud as hell.

    I recommend doing something similar. I hate to say it, but Nofap, and Your Brain on Porn are not in and of themselves "reputable sources". Which is probably a reason that a lot of the people you talk to are highly skeptical. They are most likely intelligent people that want more than just anecdotal proof. Regular Google does not give you reputable sources. Companies pay to put their sites at the top, it is an online billboard. Google Scholar is more reputable.

    People want a solid argument that sees both sides. In writing my paper, I discovered a movement called "feminist porn". Supposedly, women are in charge of every level of production of feminist porn. All of the actors want to have sex with the people that they are in scenes with and they only do acts that they are comfortable with doing. Not only that, they are paid fairly and treated well. The producers strive to capture real passion instead of just filming people pumping away. It's basically the "fair-trade organically grown" of porn.

    Now, I'm still against watching ANY porn. I made that crystal clear in my paper. However, if porn has to exist... I believe that it should be held to this standard.

    One thing that no one can argue against is that the porn industry is completely fucked on every level. Appeal to that side of it as well. Show them the videos of porn actors talking about the conditions. Fight the new drug also has some pretty good videos including one where a woman talks about being abducted and sold into sex trade.

    People don't realize that the reason half of this shit is free is because women, and men in some cases, in these videos are slaves. The people enslaving them probably get paid by people to do fucked up things to people. There are so many real and documented cases of this.

    Do the research, put together a thesis. Cite your sources, even be willing to pay to get ahold of some of the research. TedTalks can also be a decent source, not completely solid, but most people tend to take TedTalks fairly seriously.
     
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing this. This was an excellent post!
     
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  7. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Lots of good points made - makes sense that there is too much monetary influence and social taboos associated with PMO. I said the curse of nofap instead of PMO to highlight the only downside I have experienced from nofap. Which is that almost no one accepts it or is willing to hear reasoning behind it. Obviously it is not NoFap's fault, (PMO is the cause of the problem but nofap is the solution)just the main negative aspect (curse) I have endured making this lifestyle change. Specifically feeling enlightened and motivated but unable to allow others to experience what I have. Hope that makes sense.
     
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  8. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    I highly value this rationale and advice. Very interesting parallels drawn with sit-coms and every thing you said was well thought out and made a lot of sense. You have a really good sense of reality and why people act the way they do - gained a lot of insight really appreciate your post.
     
  9. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Really good post - i admire your courage for writing such a paper. Its true I dont have a whole lot of knowledge on the subject aside from my own experience and it would be very beneficial to do more research. There is definitely promise in channeling our thoughts and emotions into a tangible form to be percieved by others as well. Tyvm for this post.
     
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  10. RedPillRebooter

    RedPillRebooter Fapstronaut

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    Yea. I told my parents. They Are very supportive. however it is awkward.

    So what if people don't believe you? You know it works.

    If they wanna keep watching porn and jacking off and being miserable then let em. You can't save everyone...
     
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  11. Porn Free Wanderer

    Porn Free Wanderer Fapstronaut

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    I'm not disagreeing with you, but I tend to think a lot of people tend to believe sources that confirm what they already believe, rather than ones that disagree with them. I was like that for a long time, too, and I probably still am on a lot of other issues. It's why a lot of people refuse to give up smoking, even when their doctor tells them it's going to kill them. It takes a lot of self-discipline and effort for a person to change a fundament aspect of their own behaviour, especially when it's something that gives them pleasure.

    The thing is, this stuff isn't free. Not really. Porn sites are notorious for having things like spyware and adware and having intrusive advertising on the screen. They're still making their money, don't worry. However, I take your point about the people being slaves. You're 100% right there, which is just a way for these companies to increase their profit margins.
     
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  12. Frühlingstimme

    Frühlingstimme Fapstronaut

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    I have not fully rebooted yet, but I'm glad I don't have to talk with anyone about it. It's embarrassing. Why do you care the opinion of others? NoFap might be like a religion, either you want it or no, we still can be friends with everyone.
     
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  13. the crow

    the crow Guest

    Those two words absolutely don't go together.
    In fact, your whole OP suggests you either don't know how to be spontaneous, or that you feel afraid to ever be spontaneous.
    Spontaneity is the big secret of living a life that works! Almost the whole secret!
    See if you can do it. Often. Always.

    That said, 'fap' talk has a lot in common with religion: you may be all fired up by it, but others aren't going to be, and for the most part, really don't want to know.
    This is fine. It's your thing, not theirs.

    Life-changing discoveries always make a true believer out of whoever has their life changed by them.
    But it is always wise to resist the urge to become a missionary.
     
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  14. Agoodguy

    Agoodguy Fapstronaut

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    You don't have to apologize, this topic is not outlandish. You bring some great points in this post.

    I am in a similar situation to you. I tried telling guys in school about NoFap and its benefits but they either laugh you off or say that it is too personal. I was even told that NoFap was a gay thing just because we talk to each other about our problems and our experiences and I said no that it is not because we actually are helped and help others, that's not gay.

    I'm 17 also. My parents don't know that I was addicted to PMO and they also never had the sex talk with me. In fact anything surrounding sex is very awkward to talk about.

    You can't feel bad, what you are describing is like trying to tell the Good News of the Gospel to a bunch of unbelievers, it is difficult. Anything to do with sex, fapping and porn is difficult to talk about IRL.
     
  15. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Well said.
     
  16. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Congratulations @F50C137YZ. Would you be willing to cut and paste your paper into a thread on this site? It would be fab!
     

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