I can't believe it's been 23 weeks and 3 days....or 164 days.....or 5 months and 12 days since that awful day I thought my whole world and everything I knew or thought it to be was utterly shattered. Totally collapsed actually. The mere devastation completely wrecked me and broke my spirit, my trust, and my heart. I dove head first into nofap, therapy, books, blogs, anything I could read and learn to help me help him. Help him. Fix him. He needed my help. All of this chaos of emotion, turmoil, and basically crisis mode to save my marriage that he, unbeknownst to me, was destroying every vow he promised just 3 years prior. I soon realized I needed to quickly shift my focus or I will literally sabatage my marriage from the mere fact that I wasn't taking care of the most important very thing that needed it the most. ME. I began taking care of ME. I couldn't fix him, he needed too. So, I did...I continued to love him, I continued to support him, I continued to encourage him, and I continued to take care of me, first and foremost. It has made me a better person, a better listener, a better partner, and has calmed me, somewhat of an inner peace with myself. I'm at peace. This has been a verrryyy long road but I can honestly say at this point, I'm glad about where we are at. Even with all of the hurt, pain, betrayal, and lies, I feel it has all made us so much stronger and more connected in a way I never thought possible. All in all, I'm grateful. We've made it thus far and we will keep going. As for my SO....he is 164 days pmo free. His steadfast devotion and determination to not give in and give up is remarkable and impressive. I'm so proud of him. Thank you all for your support and knowledge and we hope your all doing well and remain positive and hopeful.