The difference between cravings/urges and natural libido?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MCflexy, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. MCflexy

    MCflexy Fapstronaut

    Hi fellow fapstronauts,

    25 YO male, I've been PMO'ing since I was 17. Developed some extreme fetishes that made me worry allot about my mental health and think I developed PIED. (since I havent been able to perform with other women except my ex.)

    I am on day 54 hard mode now. Its been a hell of a ride so far.

    I was just thinking about this. I am in a flatline since 2,5 weeks now i think. I am experiencing a very low libido, I still do get some cravings somtimes but definitely not as intense as in the beginning.

    I think I have forgotten how it is to have a natural libido. These past years i have learned myself to act on every urge i had by PMO'ing or having seks immediately. I dont know how a natural libido should feel like. Right now I mainly get urges when i think about my ex, which feels like a more healthy thing. But I am still not interested in getting sexual with other women.

    I think cravings/urges are more intense, like peaks, but they go away when ignored. Maybe libido is a more constant feeling of sexual energy, one that doesn't feel like I need to fap?

    (I have no hard time with not watching P btw, only MO urges are tough sometimes)

    So is there even a real difference between cravings/urges and libido?

    What are your thoughts on this?
  2. Bobske

    Bobske Fapstronaut

    Mmm, you pose a difficult question.

    Me, 45 years old, PMO-ing since 15 (luckily no Internet at that time;) have had 2 long relationships since I was 21
    (8,5 years and the one I'm in now, 15 years). How am I supposed to know what natural libido is?
    Even without PMO, sex sells, so commercials and society have been built (here in the westerne world, holland), to constantly trigger.

    I've read somewhere on this site that it might take a year or longer of no PMO to reach your natural libido.
    And that is has scared some men. A flatline is normal, but we have been told that it is normal to always be in the mood.
    To find out that you might not even want to have sex, ieks

    Sometimes, after sex, I think, I shouldn't have done this. Making love was great, giving my wife an O to. But penetration and O myself, I wan't in the mood, emotionally connected it doesn't feel good.

    Making love to your SO and being emotionally connected while doing it is in no way comparable to PMO or just sex.

    And for women I think it is even more difficult. Some, most? don't even know their own body, feelings from masturbating. They have the difficulty of vunerability, the risk of becoming pregnant and the double standard of society, you should be virginal/ you are allowed to enjoy sex to. Plus their arousal mechanism is different and more slow. I think most women think they need to be aroused, be in the mood, the conditions need to be right instead of: I can get myself in the mood.

    I make the distinction between itches, urges and love/libido.
    Itches are just itches. My Penis is a sensory organ so it is there and sometimes itches.
    Like with mosquito bites. If you scratch it gets worse, so I try not to.

    Urges come after that. To me that's more the brain being triggered, the PMO addiction.
    I'm stressed, let's have some release. The evolutionary drive to spread tour genes, triggered too much and too often.

    Finally there is normal libido. When I'm relaxed and comfortable and in touch with my feelings and I have a connection with my SO I get this feeling of love, wanting to touch her, kiss her etc. If the feeling is returned. WHAM!

    Everything comes together, itches, urges, libido. Sex can be hot, heavy, quick or simmering and slow.
    After that kind of lovemaking it takes 3 days, to a week for me to even begin to think about sex, have urges, itches
    (aside from the chaser effect sometimes, but if the SO also feels that, Great ;)

    What am I saying: I always read about men saying I'd like to have sex every day, every other day, 2 times a week.
    That's what I would have said too. I now think that's itches and urges talking and my "natural" libido would be once a week.

    Still it all depends on the situation.
    Freeddom_Taker likes this.
  3. Anonymous86

    Anonymous86 Fapstronaut

    Is it likely your problem is PMO if your penis is shrunken small desensitized with no libido and you keep peeking at websites and photos over and over? Seems to be me doing it out of habit rather than natural libido...
  4. MCflexy

    MCflexy Fapstronaut

    Thank for sharing your thoughts on this, really appreciate it. Now that I am in flatline I feel not as attracted to girls a before, which makes sense since i am in flatline. But I do feel something else, I am still in contact with my ex. Non sexual as i am rebooting of course, and she since she backpacking somewhere on the other side of the world.

    But we are in touch. Looking back when i broke up with her, part of the reason was sexually based. I wasnt as attracted to her as before, and that made me think i wasnt in love with her anymore. We have been apart for over 6 months now. And since I am on reboot I can see the sexual and emotional me as 2 sides.

    I feel that sexually towards "strangers" i am in flatline. 0 libido, which is fine for me now. But on the emotional side, I really do miss my ex's sweet and beautifull soul close with me.

    When i think of her, my flatline dissapeares. I get excited by thinking of her, touching here, kissing her.

    So I think i am still emotionally bound to her. And with part of that also my libido is bound to her.

    Not sure what to think of all that at the moment, I guess it is nice find out what role my emotional self plays in this part!
    Bobske likes this.

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