The difference between living and existing

Dear Friends,

Six years ago, returning from a summer program, I was curious and I ventured to a topic that, sparked my interest. That, is what began a long streak of addiction. I was 13. At first, it had no real division between it and my life. That is to say, no one knew what truly was taking place in my mind, and heart. I was slowly becoming amazed by the plethora of sites and little did I know, it hurt.
I was becoming increasingly cold. Yes, In had attractions and the normal things all teenagers and young adults have. Yet I felt they were out of reach, but not what I had to turn tom Eventually my parents found me out and told the horrors of what I had just done. For a time, be it six months, I followed that advice and, it hurt to know, the reality of what was taking place. Yet I regressed and returned, as a reminiscent memory got it going again.
And year by year, sporadic and all, the addiction existed. In one way. I am very successful. I am achieving the dreams I had, and its beautiful. Yet deep down I have still be broken by the way pornography still remains. One should live happily, excited and motivated. We are to be persistent and able to run for what we love. And yet, there I am.
From this day forward, I want to change what had long been there. I want to live. I exist on the accord of approval and the skills I have managed to retain. Yet that to me needs to change, instead I should love myself, and be proud of being me. I am 19, a boy in many peoples eyes, why must I be petrified.
I write this because I know I am far from the only one. And I want to tell those who may feel lost, we need to love and appreciate ourselves on our behalf. Take walks, give ourselves meaning and life.

Sincerely,
DS