The Dread of Quarantine

My girlfriend and I don't live too far away from each other. But ever since we've been on this quarantine together, things have seem extremely challenging in the thought of sexual frustration. Prior to this -- my addiction to porn was kept at bay. Some months were better than others. However, this week, I've relapsed incredibly horrible.

I've spent entire days re-watching old favorite scenes from very specific genres.

It's affected my relationships in isolating myself more from others than before. I once heard a popular study, where rats were involved with their relationship according to dopamine. It was well documented through a control experiment, where one group had access to a synthetic version of dopamine. The group with access began to develop a habit and they were shown to be incredibly weaker.

The biggest fear that I have is in experiencing withdrawals from not continuing onto the daily cycle of self-release in masturbation.

This is a struggle that I've had some difficulty in dealing with. Years before, my sex life was incredibly active. Now, they all seem like distant memory. Spending an incredible amount of time indoors can truly alter somebody's behavior. People argue on the popular topic about nature versus nurture on whether our behavior's are a result of our genetic disposition, or, whether they are a product of our environment.

A big question that I've wondered was how these types of experiences effect us all. The essence in this thought brought me back here, since the mind is not able to refrain from imagining favorite sexual positions.

Someday, I hope to overcome this addictive behavior because I would like to move forward in my life. It is clearly evident, this is one sincere weakness that needs to be addressed. Having a support group will help us all grow together. We can't afford to give up on humanity, because I understand that we can be very selfish in our own very nature. I'm willing to bet that quitting this habit will bring a new and improved version in myself.

I don't want to give up on myself anymore. I'm tired in giving up on myself so easily, because pornography is an easier method than attracting the opposite sex. The sexiest thing about the opposite sex has to be the non-verbal attention. This is something that I would like to focus on as a method in recalibrating. The feeling between having sex and watching pornography is not even comparable.

Whenever the feeling inside me grew more lonelier, pornography became a quick tool as a method in escaping. The pleasure was sickening and... still is... Costing many potential relationships, because I became incredibly awkward. A strange relationship with marijuana had developed when a physical injury occurred not too long ago. Ever since I began smoking more marijuana, the feeling has boosted this feeling in watching more pornography.

Many serious things have occurred in my life, where it has lead me to isolate myself with a giant screen TV, watching favorite scenes while ignoring all the major problems. This major addiction of mine is incredibly self-destructive, because it made me only think about the short-comings in chasing pleasure. Nobody wants to let their family down, but there are times when I believe that I am truly losing all my marbles over this addiction.

Thank you for your time!

 

I love this man. Thank for the support!