Hi guys, I've been offline for 5 days tbh but I just wanna open up... I'm fed up of losing, failing, not living up to expectations but no one can change that but me. I can't be stressed too much but I can't keep on losing either. It's got to be one day at a time, keeping composed and believing in my ability when situations occur. Then I can't mess up. I believe in myself and my ability. I know I will be great inshaAllah, the only person stopping me is myself. I know how many sacrifices I've made people my age wouldn't do. It's not enough for me and where I wanna be tho. I wanna be the best in everything I do, this is my life all the time even subconciously before PMO because in reality there's no better feeling than winning and knowing how hard you've worked. One realisation I have made is that for an addict, we all have micro addictions and bad habits other than PMO. When I broke up w my ex for months, I'd check up on her instagram to see what she's up to and I felt like I couldn't stop even though I knew it would harm me. I was and still am really addicted to instagram, so I deleted it. To snapchat, so I deleted it. To YouTube so I deleted it. But I realised that these micro addictions are just as bad as PMO in reality. For the person reading, think where their other bad habits lay and for me I realise just one thing. It's a reward for being lazy whereas we really don't need these apps and distractions in our lives if we are really chasing our goals. It really angers me even writing this knowing I know how much potential I have yet how much time I've wasted talking to girls even for things I can't have. I even messed up my A-levels over a girl tbh, that's the truth and when I make my purpose to do well is when I do well. The trouble about addiction lays in the trigger, but that trigger only lies in the trouble of not having enough self control and discipline. When I'm talking to a girl, it's my choice to make it sexual and want more even tho I can be inclined towards it. So what can I do and what do I plan to do? The plan has always got to be a lot better than the realistic achievements tbh. I shouldn't see a day where I haven't done as well as I could've as a failure though. I should see it as a better chance to do better tomorrow. All your errors and mistakes are forgiven and treat your day as if you will only live that one. Don't overburden or be harsh but positive. Know that you will reach your goals, and everyday you try you become a better person. Trust in yourself and your ability. Do your best to remove micro addictions, one big micro addiction I have is actually a habit of checking here unnecessarily which I need to curb and same with the news. Live by the routine of doing the necessary for the benefit and not the unnecessary which harms. This is reality for me and as far as I have came, I can go further and I will go further if I am true to this and I have you all as a support. Today is the day I focus on myself and what benefits me, stop focusing and depending on others. I need to be ruthless even though I don't want to be and let all variable factors be solved by God and my effort. My counter is reset and I begin today a new man inshaAllah. May Allah make me carry out my commitments to myself and the same for all of you and may he make us winners for just our efforts also. Ameen.