FezMan76
Fapstronaut
I started NoFap at the very last week of 2019. Before then I didn't even know about the horrible effects of PMO on your mental and physical health, as well as your social life. I especially didn't notice the social life part of it because of the pandemic. But now that I've been going back to in-person learning for a few weeks, I've began to notice the effects of PMO on my social abilities, especially in my public speaking and interactions with friends and classmates.
Yesterday I recall that I was tasked to give out an answer in front of the whole class. However, I was terribly unprepared and thus gave a shaky response because of my anxiousness. I remember ages ago, before I'd even known porn and masturbation existed, I could raise my hand or take questions like it was nothing, but over time that ability has deteriorated. Now almost everyone in every class seems hesitant to say anything, and I'm no exception. I blame PMO for giving me that anxiousness because I now recall that I wasn't like that.
Also, I recall that a few times in these past weeks when I encountered above-average to very-good looking girls, I subconsciously avoided eye contact or even looking in their direction (unless I was interacting with them, which is extremely rare). Even when I passed by one while on the way to another class I unconsciously shifted my body towards the right a bit just to avoid contact with her (we weren't even that close). It was only after I'd passed by her that I realized what kind of stupid action I've made. Instead of standing my ground and walking straight my mind deliberately made me act like a coward. I blame porn for this because I don't recall being like this in the past, or at least before I knew about Porn.
ALSO also, I noticed that my interactions with peers go downhill in quality 1-2 days following a relapse. I quickly become terribly cautious with my speech, my jokes fall flat a lot more often, and my mind draws blanks whenever I try to bring up topics or anything into a conversation, which leads me to repeating myself or acting weirdly on occasion. Conversations with teachers that I'm close with or do jokes with are also harder to start or get by, and people often ignore me when I try to talk to them. It's like my presence begins fading whenever I relapse. I blame for it because back in the days of my old school I was a leader. I could talk to anybody about anything with not hesitance, now I'm a shell of that.
I could go on about a lot of other occurrences, but I'm sure you get the point. PMO has made me an invisible, lonely social coward with a diminishing personality and presence, and having returned to it more often has not helped at all. I'm really starting to feel these effects right now more than ever. It would be easy for me to say that I give up on all of these issues and want to be a loser for the rest of my life but that's not the right thing to do. I will change for the better and find my place and lose my fears, but first I must get rid of the thing that caused them.
Yesterday I recall that I was tasked to give out an answer in front of the whole class. However, I was terribly unprepared and thus gave a shaky response because of my anxiousness. I remember ages ago, before I'd even known porn and masturbation existed, I could raise my hand or take questions like it was nothing, but over time that ability has deteriorated. Now almost everyone in every class seems hesitant to say anything, and I'm no exception. I blame PMO for giving me that anxiousness because I now recall that I wasn't like that.
Also, I recall that a few times in these past weeks when I encountered above-average to very-good looking girls, I subconsciously avoided eye contact or even looking in their direction (unless I was interacting with them, which is extremely rare). Even when I passed by one while on the way to another class I unconsciously shifted my body towards the right a bit just to avoid contact with her (we weren't even that close). It was only after I'd passed by her that I realized what kind of stupid action I've made. Instead of standing my ground and walking straight my mind deliberately made me act like a coward. I blame porn for this because I don't recall being like this in the past, or at least before I knew about Porn.
ALSO also, I noticed that my interactions with peers go downhill in quality 1-2 days following a relapse. I quickly become terribly cautious with my speech, my jokes fall flat a lot more often, and my mind draws blanks whenever I try to bring up topics or anything into a conversation, which leads me to repeating myself or acting weirdly on occasion. Conversations with teachers that I'm close with or do jokes with are also harder to start or get by, and people often ignore me when I try to talk to them. It's like my presence begins fading whenever I relapse. I blame for it because back in the days of my old school I was a leader. I could talk to anybody about anything with not hesitance, now I'm a shell of that.
I could go on about a lot of other occurrences, but I'm sure you get the point. PMO has made me an invisible, lonely social coward with a diminishing personality and presence, and having returned to it more often has not helped at all. I'm really starting to feel these effects right now more than ever. It would be easy for me to say that I give up on all of these issues and want to be a loser for the rest of my life but that's not the right thing to do. I will change for the better and find my place and lose my fears, but first I must get rid of the thing that caused them.
