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The Fantasy of Being With Other Women

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Tempest12, Mar 7, 2020.

  1. Mar 7, 2020 #1
    Tempest12

    Tempest12 Fapstronaut

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    I've been in a relationship for 6 years with an amazing woman. I love her so much, but noticed the following start to happen that has been concerning for me:
    • I've been losing attraction to my partner at times, even though she's physically gorgeous.
    • I've been having a lot of desires to be with other women, go to strip clubs, hire prostitutes or potentially cheat on my partner.
    • I live in fantasy too much, even with my partner, to be aroused and even during sex.
    For men that are in a similar position or recovered from this, any advice or tips?

    I'm scared that I won't be able to control myself and so something stupid. My addiction tends to take over me at times.
     
    Tempest12, Mar 7, 2020
    Tempest12, Mar 7, 2020
    #1
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Mar 15, 2020 #2
    Joe1023

    Joe1023 Fapstronaut

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    The best advice I can give you is to get some accountability! The more the better! There are people on here willing to be accountability partners. But MUCH better than that, there are local SA groups available to go find an AP at, and more importantly, a sponsor to call and check in with daily!

    (Check out: https://www.sa.org/f2f/ to find a meeting in your area.)

    I don't like speaking in absolutes, but if you don't get some seriously genuine accountability, my money is not on your recovery or sobriety, my friend. Good luck!
     
    Joe1023, Mar 15, 2020
    Joe1023, Mar 15, 2020
    #2
  3. Mar 15, 2020 #3
    Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    The only person I am accountable to apart from myself is my wife. I realised for me the key to cracking the PMO thing was to quit fantasizing aswell. I have failed nofap several times over the last 5 years however this time, by quitting fantasy including my wife, I am winning. It has been really uncomfortable realising I have been using fantasy all my life to escape and avoid discomfort due to family attachment issues. I am now working through the childhood trauma and learning so much about myself and my behaviour. What you are describing are the symptoms of something far deeper than just your behaviour. Definitely worth exploring when and why you fantasise. I couldn't do it without my wife's help though. Is your partner supportive in this way?
     
    Nicko Stretch, Mar 15, 2020
    Nicko Stretch, Mar 15, 2020
    #3
  4. Mar 15, 2020 #4
    Tempest12

    Tempest12 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Joe, I haven't been to an SAA meeting in awhile since I've been traveling and in a location that doesn't have local meetings currently. However, I will commit to the telemeetings and also continue to find a sponsor that can help me. Appreciate the response!
     
    Tempest12, Mar 15, 2020
    Tempest12, Mar 15, 2020
    #4
    Joe1023 likes this.
  5. Mar 15, 2020 #5
    Tempest12

    Tempest12 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Nicko. Yes she is supportive, but struggles with my addiction at times since I don't feel as much desire for her lately. It's a bit of a challenge having her as my accountability partner, as it has created a bit more conflict between us. Instead, I think I need to find a sponsor, therapist or accountability partner outside of my girlfriend.
     
    Tempest12, Mar 15, 2020
    Tempest12, Mar 15, 2020
    #5
  6. Mar 15, 2020 #6
    Nicko Stretch

    Nicko Stretch Fapstronaut

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    Therapy can be very useful if you are struggling with observing your thoughts rather than fusing with them. Do you practice mindfulness?
     
    Nicko Stretch, Mar 15, 2020
    Nicko Stretch, Mar 15, 2020
    #6
  7. Mar 17, 2020 #7
    Tempest12

    Tempest12 Fapstronaut

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    I recently signed up for TalkSpace therapy. And I've been meditating 10 mins a day, sometimes more during the weekend. I've seen great benefits so far and going to continue going deeper with it.
     
    Tempest12, Mar 17, 2020
    Tempest12, Mar 17, 2020
    #7
    Nicko Stretch likes this.

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