PMO made me a selfish person. I was spending too much time with porn without caring about my life goals, career, health and the girl who loved me selflessly. It made me dependent on my family which I hate the most. I love freedom and porn made me a slave. I was a school topper, was good in sports and used to seek adventure. when porn came in my life I became a bedroom worm, threw away my health goals. My routine was to eat, watch porn and masturbate, sleep and repeat the same again. I started to do a little better with life when She came in my life. way better. Took care of everything I was lacking. In other words She was the man in our relationship. I used to blame her for my career failures, for not getting sufficient time to study, for my financial difficulties. I used her financially, physically and mentally and in whatever way I could. And she took it all. She was in relationship with me for 5 long years. yup 5. Here is the lowest part: I even went to a jeweler with her to sell her gold chain worth 50k INR. (I couldn't) I'm glad she broke up with me. I must have used her more had she been longer with me in relationship. she seems happy with another guy and I'm relieved that she's moved on. when did I realise that I did wrong to her? when I got into a relation with another girl. The girl did what I did to her. Karma haan! That was the time of my turnaround. I was in depression for the entirety of 2018 coupled with PMO abuse. I was lazy, tired all the time, felt guilty, had social anxiety and was suicidal. My relatives and friends stay away from me and I can't blame them for that. But I now know the value of support. Very few believe in me and those very few are the only ones who matter now. coming to the point now, why? I can't undo what I've done. I can't get Her back. I'm still an addict with only 2 months of sobriety. But I'm resolved to be better now. I want to fall in love with someone again. I want to be able to care for someone as she cared for me. I want my old energy and enthusiasm back, in full. I want to crush the ground with my feet again when I run. I want to pursue my ambitious goals again. I want to be victorious. AGAIN. p.s. I apologize for my incoherent way of writing. I'm improving on that.