The First Leg Of The Journey - 90 Days Passed

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by annon, May 28, 2015.

  1. annon

    annon Fapstronaut

    I've been a porn addict for over 14 year. That's just little under half of my life. So on February 26th I decided no more. This is the video which has enlightened me to start my journey.

    After watching a the video a few times (I did see it like 2 times already in the passed years) I decided to get to it. Thanks to the TED Talk I've landed on the forum here.

    In the video he talks about that young people need on average 4-5 months of rehab. I accepted that and added one more month just to be sure. So my challenge is 6 months. But I'm taking this one day at a time.

    I always considered myself of strong will. I could never understand the addicts mind, what do they mean by I can quit whenever I want too just right now I don't want too. I always laughed at smokers that they can't kick the habit all you have to do is to stop it. Well it dawned on me that I'm an addict as well, a porn addict. Ok so let's see if can quit, and if I can then I will be truly superior to smokers. No matter what kind of addict you are from my point of view it's the same, it's an addiction nothing more nothing less.

    Here's my thinking, if I'm so strong willed then shouldn't be a problem to be porn free for a week. Well I didn't last a week. So I gave up this foolish idea for a few weeks. Then I watched a number of TED talks about porn and how it is affecting our lives and started thinking.

    These were my steps:
    -1; Finding out the reason why I was PMO-ing
    -2; Built a concrete foundation
    -3; Never look back

    1; After a lot of thinking and analyzing I managed to find my reason. It was simple: it was boredom.
    I was bored out of my mind and with low energy I could only do one thing PMO. I don't consider myself hyperactive or ADD, ADHD person but my mind can't stay idle. PMO-ing gave me that high so my brain was occupied. Even so I had / have an active life martial arts, dance classes but there are a few days here and there when I'm not doing anything so boredom is always around.

    2; Building the concrete foundation is a must. What I mean by this is the following. Make your own lists on what are you gaining or losing by PMO-ing. This will strengthen your believes each and every time you're edging.

    3; It's simple as that, never look back. No matter what kind of porn filter your have, if you need it you will go out of your way to feed your addiction. Even if I used private browsing and the history was deleted I still knew about the sites cause it was laser scribed in my brain.

    After the first 7 days have passed I felt good. So I was thinking why not do it some more and see how long can I do it. 90 days just passed. So why not do it for 90 more? Who knows I might do it 180 after that. Taking it one day at a time.

    The hardest day: (aka almost breaking point)
    This was by far the hardest day I ever had to face. It was a Wednesday. Wednesday is usually the day when I have nothing to do. Or I'm at my girl friend or I'm tied up with work. That day I had nothing to do and my gf being in medicine school she was pulling an all nighter at the hospital. So I was left to my own devices.

    This why it's important to know why you are PMO-ing. I was getting bored and temptation was creeping up on me. Luckily I knew what was going to happen so I started occupying my mind with different things. That afternoon I played two different games but I was still bored. Watched 2 movies which were 2 hours + long and a few episodes from different series.

    You might be asking how long is an afternoon that I could fit all of this in one afternoon. Well I watch movies 2x speed. I can go through them faster and I pay attention more so my mind doesn't go idle and temptation is eliminated. I managed to pull through.

    - In all this time I've masturbated only once without of porn only using my phantasies.
    - After 90 days i feel a fire in my belly that is pushing me. Soon I will launch a new business or two.
    - I have a thirst for knowledge I'm reading and watching videos about the businesses that I'm starting on a daily basis.
    - I have more energy and I'm determined as ever to succeed.

    Interesting "side effect" of not PMO-ing is the erotic dream. During this period I had 3. And two of those were while I was sleeping next to my gf. And one happened a morning when she had one two. Interesting.

    False believes:
    - I can quit whenever I want to; not true it takes dedication, prep work and some willpower.
    - I'm just watching porn to see if my gf is not there; joke or lame excuse
    - Once I have a gf I will stop; not true it took me 1 year in our relationship to start thinking about quitting. For me no outside person or force can get me to quit, this has to happen deep inside you.
    - By using porn I will be able to last longer; not true, you can orgasm in a few seconds if you are over excited no matter how much you have PMO-ed before
    - Porn doesn't affect how i make love; again not true I started to notice that I was getting more and more aggressive while making love, from soft chocking it started to go to something more dark. That might've pushed me away from porn as well. Now everything is back to normal.

    Biggest fear:
    If I quit PMO-ing my high from orgasm won't be that big compared with love making. This was true to a certain point. My gf is amazing she does everything that i wish still it wasn't enough. Then once I started paying attention to other things like every little vibration and opened all my senses the high that i got from PMO was miniscule.

    Why i haven't posted more on the forum?
    I've read numerous posts on the forum and I've seen that there are guys out there who need more support than me so why clog up things.

    Future Challenges:
    - My gf is moving away for 7 months to a nearby city so there might be some difficulties.
    - She has asked for a 1-2 months pause in the relationship.
    - Summer is coming most of my activities will be on hold, boredom will be around the corner.

    And as a closing thought, i know this was a long post. If you consider taking cold showers here's a great TEDx talk about it. I started with full cold water this day. Never felt better. Showed it to my business partner beforehand he said that he doesn't have the willpower for cold showers, watching the vid convinced him to do it :D

    All the best for everyone, see you in another 90 days.
  2. icandothis66

    icandothis66 Fapstronaut

    You sir, are a boss! Thanks for sharing such an inspirational story. I'm pushing through a flatline right now and I need this. Good luck with the businesses and your relationship. You have made it to 92 days so I'm 100% sure you can make it to the 180 mark even with boredom. You've come too far too relapse.
  3. annon

    annon Fapstronaut

    @icandothis66 thanks for the encouraging words, i much appreciate them :). What I've noticed on myself is this. If you know your trigger points then it's much easier to avoid them.

    I remember that I was watching some kind of series and something happened in a scene and it triggered and PMO event. Since I'm watching everything at 2x the speed. I'm not affected anymore. Also I'm more focused on the story and not the props.

    We can achieve anything if we put our mind to it :D.
  4. Cooldude4

    Cooldude4 Fapstronaut

    awsum story, all the best for your journey
    annon likes this.

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