The First Monkeynaut prepares for launch...

Hey Fapstronauts.

I'm a porn addict. I tried the rebooting process, but I relapsed this morning. And the day before again... I've sometimes been able to keep a few weeks straight, but you know what Michael Corleone says: "Just when I thought I was out..."

Porn is a drug, hey? Well, I'm Poopy Joe, and I'm a meth-head. I didn't stick to soft drugs. I made the habitual climb up the echelons, a direction I know I haven't gone alone, as many other members have testified here. However, we all know it IS truly a path of loneliness and shame.

The areas my lust has dragged me into might not be the same murky places that some other lost souls have visited. The paths through those lands are so deep in solitude and guilt that they can't even be spoken of with other people. Even when I talked with a therapist, I couldn't bring myself to confess these specific sins.

I am slowly discovering truth as gifted to us by Jesus Christ. I try to bring myself closer to God. I've started praying. Every night, I pray for the strength to follow His way, but when morning comes I dismiss my sin as something benign. I relapse, and spend the rest of my day bearing its stain.

That stain used to get in the way of my interactions with girls. Since, I managed to shake away many of my bad habits and I found a partner. But even though I love her with all my soul, my sin remains. I try to be honest with her in everything, but the outlandish places I go remain in their obscure fog.

I wish I could come to terms with it, but I don't think I'll ever be able to share the details of the dark voyages I've made. This is as far as I've ever made it. I hope that even if I can't speak of it, I'll be able to leave it behind.

So Fapstronauts, are you ready to see off this monkey as it tries to soar away from the muck and into the stars?