The Glorious Cold Approach Competition of 2016! (Triggers and Harsh Language)

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mr. Sir, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. Savage Shards

    Savage Shards Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone! This is really exciting and inspiring. I would love to join, but I have to do a hard reboot or something first. The other day I found myself trying to flirt with a woman but just feeling and seeming so desperate. Being desperate led to rejection which lead to more desperation, etc. Not cool. Trying Tinder made matters so much worse.

    I need to find my baseline again. You know, cut out excessive media time and P subs.

    I hope to be back here in about a month to join your ranks. You guys keep up the good work!
     
  2. Earl Sweatshirt

    Earl Sweatshirt Fapstronaut

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    First cold approach went really well, I'd dare say that it was perfect. 2 more to go.
     
  3. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Is it bad that even after a year without porn I have no natural urge to approach women and have to force it? I'm starting to get worried about my sex drive.
     
  4. Earl Sweatshirt

    Earl Sweatshirt Fapstronaut

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    Well, I don't think I'm going to get 2 more in so how should I make up for it?
     
  5. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Was in the café the other week, and noticed a lovely lady noticing me. She flew away. I thought I needed to get my mind of woman, so went to the bookshop. Hello, there she is. I said 'hello, and how about a coffee?' [that was it]. We had coffee, chatted and swapped numbers. She lives in the capital. And so I get a text from her a couple of weeks ago, where she organizes to meet me, in the main clubbing district, after her work finishes [she's a nurse] at 10.30 on a Saturday night in a fortnight's time. I agree, and don't think too much of it. I now get the text 'Are you still fine?', and 'Play all night'? [I live in a foreign country]. This should be interesting. ha ha. This kind of thing would never happen in the old days of compulsive Fapping.

    Pre-Nofap

    • The lack of sensitivity; you often fail to notice a woman noticing you
    • The lack of boldness to start a conversation, and take on an instant date
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2016
    MercenaryKing and seth like this.
  6. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    The guy that was helping me cold approach cut me off because couldn't do it on my own. Said I didn't want it enough even though I was out there for hours trying to do it. Sounded pissed too. Just when I thought things were getting better.
     
  7. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    You are probably better of by yourself. Forget all the 'techniques', just follow your natural feelings. Actually, it is more a case of unlearning a certain set of 'puritan/ cultural' habits, getting outside your mind, than learning some ABC of how to....
     
  8. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    There were no techniques. I couldn't approach by myself because I'm full of self loathing when I'm by myself. i couldn't explain that and I guess he thought I was just blowing him off. Hope next time my social life doesn't depend on my ability to cold approach.
     
  9. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

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    There are many techniques and many many things that you can read about but you will never be able to make sense out of it if you don't start off first ! Believe in yourself , just go and talk to someone random and make a complete fool out of yourself and trust me you'll be better after even a single approach. The mind just loves making shit up and over thinking and over analysing every scenario so just fuck it all and just do it . Have the guts to just have the most embarassing moment of your life! It'll be worth it :D
     
    volt2187 likes this.
  10. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Last time I was with a friend I made 12 approaches and got 2 numbers. Compared to going it alone it's like night and day. Yesterday I was out there for 3 hours and couldn't do shit because of how I felt.
     
  11. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Well at some point you have to take the training wheels off (not having the friend). I've been where you have been, for me personally it's all about my mindset. The reason I never talked to anyone, especially girls, all those years I pmo'd and didn't feel good about my life or the lack of direction in my life, was because nothing excited me except for stimulus such as porn or video games. Now that I have different things in my life to motivate me to get up everyday to fulfill them,approaching girls is natural and I don't second guess myself or overthink as much as I used to. Feeling confident about myself or how my day is going just makes the whole process unfold that much easier. I try to approach every conversation with a positive mindset no matter how it unfolds and it seems to work in my favor to keep and carry on one.

    It's all a process that takes a lot of trial and error to find what works for you and what doesn't. But keeping your head up is key.
     
  12. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    That's not what I meant. When I'm on my own I feel like shit in general. When I'm not alone I feel like I'm making progress and don't have as much AA. But I'm not sure how I can have a social life if my AA or depression or whatever keeps frustrating people.
     
  13. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    You are way ahead of me, the main thing is to make a little progress each day
     
  14. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

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    Thought I'd share three fantastic things to help with your mindset when doing daygame, especially because they're pertinent to some of the messages above.
    First, CONNECTION and VALUE. The default mindset for beginners is to go into an approach wanting something, generally sex. And so it feels like you're fighting to win approval. The problem here is twofold: you're trying to take value instead of bringing it, and you're being goal oriented, like "I'm talking to this girl so she will like me so we can have sex." There's nothing wrong with goals but in this context, it gets you caught up in your head, overcomplicates things and stresses you out. You get all defensive and tense. I must stress, connection is the most important thing. Look for girls that would really like to get to know, and go into your approaches just trying to see if you can have a good conversation, build a connection, see how well you both vibe. Have fun with it. Get rid of this success/failure binary and don't think about it like you're trying to convince a girl to sleep with you. Certainly make your interest in her known upon approaching, but just be present and look for connection. If there isn't one, you two just don't gel, and that's okay. Move on. You're learning.
    Second, ONLY CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN CONTROL. This is a Stoic principle that has stood the test of time. There's a lot of externals that people worry about even though they can't do anything about them. So I'm telling you: you can only control your thoughts and actions. Everything else isn't worth your worry. Do the best you can, but remember that no matter what, you can't control a girl's reaction. Why get upset about things you can't control? Only your actions are in your power. That girl can think whatever she wants, like you, dislike you, whatever. Hell, she might be having a bad day and nothing you could say would have perked her interest. But that's not your concern, so don't let it stress you.
    Finally, GROWTH MINDSET. Drop the failure/perfection binary. You know, the one that leaves you comparing yourself to professional seducers, George Clooney, Bradley Cooper's character in Limitless? Life is a process and improving socially is a process too. Celebrate your improvement, even minor, and learn to view the obstacle as the way. Every challenge, every scary approach or failure is helping you to improve. Don't compare yourself to any perfect ideal. There is no "perfect" in this world. Just be present with the process of improvement. Even failure is improvement. Your attributes, your confidence and charisma and self-love and decisiveness aren't fixed and unchangeable. They change and improve over time and learning.

    In summary...
    Have fun and look for connection instead of thinking about end goals.
    People's reactions are beyond your control, so don't worry about them.
    Be engaged in the process of growth.

    Happy approaching guys :)
     
    zx125, vibemaker, never_again and 3 others like this.
  15. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    As I was posting on Nofap, I noticed a cute girl leaving the café. We had smiled at each other earlier when she went to the bathroom. As she was leaving, and walking past, I half sensed she was open to talk. I nearly missed the chance, but then called after her asking why she was wearing a mask! Apparently, there is dust and pollution in the air [this is Asia], and then we got talking. She was full of smiles, got quite close to talk at times, hung around for a bit until I let her go. I gave her my card as it just seemed a bit more appropriate than going for the number... probably more chance of meeting her again for the coffee. She was actually quite flirty. ha ha

    Anyway, the takeaway: find something observational and open!
     
    MercenaryKing likes this.
  16. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

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    Wow! I'm amazed at how this thread has taken off!

    By the end of the year this thread is probably going to be 50 pages based on the way its growing.

    Keep it up everyone!
     
  17. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    I've been a little quiet lately but forced myself to start up again. Only had one good one worth mentioning, which I already did in my journal the other day but will copy/paste it here.

    I was in the library on a computer finishing up when a girl came around and sat at the computer next to me. I said hello and hesitated for a second. She commented how the computer she was at wasn't logging her in so I told her how I was finishing up and she could hope on mine. I proceeded to ask her if she is glad the semester is wrapping up and followed through with asking her about summer plans. I asked her about her work and other small things and shortly after said goodbye and headed to my next class. I didn't ask for her name or anything, kept it just basic. We talked for about 2-3 minutes though. Man, it felt flawless for the most part, once I got past the initial barrier of approaching her, there weren't any barriers left for me to jump over. It was probably my best cold approach so far. I just wished I would have stayed around for a few more minutes and got her name and number, but if I see her again on campus I'll give it a shot then. Still, fuck yeah, minor victory!

    Also I read a little piece of advice that seems to make sense and work when I've tried it, especially when they show some interest. It's called nouning (not sure if that's a real thing lol). Basically it's asking her open ended questions and picking out the nouns to continue the conversation to keep it flowing. Example:

    Me: What are you doing this weekend?
    Girl: Just homework and work.
    Me: Where do you work?
    Girl: I work at soandso.
    Me: Ah cool, what do you do at soandso?
    Girl: I blank and blank there.
    Me: Nice, how do you like it?
    Girl: It's okay, just a job.
    Me: What would your dream job be?

    And so forth. Just keep finding ways to continue the conversation on to keep it following. Show interest, ask questions and let the girls do the talking. Leave yourself a mystery so if they are attracted they will pursue you and want to ask about what you do and your interests.
     
  18. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

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    Holy shit I can approach on my own now! Did 5 yesterday and 7 today. That guy from before got in touch with me recently and showed me that women are way more approachable than I thought and now it's like a magnet is pulling me to them.
     
  19. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Any techniques on how you psyche yourself up to do your first approach?
     
  20. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Keep your mind clean, enjoy the moment, then smile and say the first thing that comes to mind when you bump into a beauty.
     

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