The Glorious Cold Approach Competition of 2016! (Triggers and Harsh Language)

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mr. Sir, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. HipPete

    HipPete Fapstronaut

    73
    364
    53
    Did my first cold approach, it was pleasant, few thing I did was have a cellphone on my hand and just approach with the mindset that I was busy. Was smooth but sucks that it was quick and the party was visiting and has a bf but yeah I can see how you fella get the thrill from it.
     
  2. cuddler

    cuddler Fapstronaut

    68
    41
    18
    Hi, I promised I will participate in the beginning, so here I am :D I couldn't do it, I just couldn't speak to a girl. But every day I talked to myself that one day I will be able to do it and I will do everything I can to achieve it. Now in May I have bought two (for me, very expensive) street-game courses, where I approached maybe 10 girls, told them they look cute and got 1 facebook contact. When I say to woman she is pretty she smiles and thanks me for it. I realized that it should not be about being needy and asking for things to take for myself, but I should offer something, so that SHE is interested. What does a woman want? She wants to hear how she is beautiful and she wants to have fun. That is why I am creating funny ways how to approach them. I tell them I want to show them something and then I do some stupid shit, embarass myself and she is having fun :D This way I got the best results - like, even if she had a boyfriend (not physically present), I talked with her a lot. While when you are just like "gimme your number, have sex with me, I want this, I want that and I am not giving you anything" they are not very enthusiastic about it.
    I even managed to flatter a woman by myself, without support of anyone.
    Also I learned techniques for getting rid of approach anxiety. You should embarass yourself in front of people, so that you feel it can't be worse. We were doing squats in public and counting them loudly. I was always scared of embarassment, and I never thought that the best way to get rid of that fear is just to embarass myself so hard, that I don't even care anymore :D
    Currently I don't feel like I can talk to any girl, but I can no longer say "it is not possible", now I know that i CAN do it. And I will continue to push myself.
     
  3. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

    967
    427
    63
    Since I moved to Portland I've had a hard time getting back into the rhythm...or something. How did I manage to get an insta date back in California?
     
  4. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    122
    105
    43
    Keep it guys! I haven't been on the forums in a while but I like what I see here! You are men and women who are taking control of your fate. Even those of you who have just done one approach - you don't know it yet but you've taken a step that will forever change your life.

    I'll be back in a few days and I'll start posting regularly. Stand up straight, look them in the eyes, and smile!
     
  5. himmelstoss

    himmelstoss Fapstronaut

    967
    427
    63
    Women? Doing cold approach? Now this I gotta see
     
  6. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    1,861
    1,150
    143
    Is there a difference between seeing and attractive woman and approaching her and objectifying her? I feel if I am looking for attractive women to approach I am objectifying them. This stops me approaching women. Any advice please?
     
  7. Mr. Sir

    Mr. Sir Fapstronaut

    122
    105
    43
    My advice: get your head out of your ass and stop making up narratives. Or make up new narratives that serve you. You cannot be a slave to two masters.
     
  8. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

    30
    27
    18
    how in the world did this thread go out of steam ?!! ... I dont know about any of you but for me this was the thread that made me really follow nofap seriously , i decided to change my ways and direct all my energies in a positive manner and what better way to do it than to approach girls and make your life better ? I kicked off full on in January and guys, it was a cracker of a month , I met new people , I failed at approaches , I got so close to few girls than I had ever been my whole life. I carried on but eventually due to other personal problems all this kind of went off my head , i tried to to get back but that motivation was missing and well i just kind of stopped approaching .

    Then something happened a couple of days ago , I was walking to my room and a girl was coming my way , and i thought it was a friend so i just shouted hey , well it wasnt her, it was just a random girl , and she came closer and said hi. I was just so stunned i just kept looking at her and we just walked past each other. Shit I froze , and I realised I can do better , I can approach , and go after and get what i want. Even if I fail, to hell with it , the feeling is worth it .

    So guys lets get back to it , I hope you all face a similar scenario to remind you what you're fighting for . Lets do it this :D !
    All those who are following this thread, come on give an update on what all youve managed to do ..
     
  9. MercenaryKing

    MercenaryKing Fapstronaut

    57
    324
    53
    Mate, everyone has standards for attractiveness and unattractiveness. Finding someone attractive isn't objectification. Objectification is viewing someone as PURELY an object. When you're cold approaching you know nothing about the girls except their appearance. So view attractiveness as a necessary but not sufficient condition for your potential sexual partnership. Obviously when you talk to her you'll find out if she's smart, funny, nice, interesting, if you have a good connection with her etc. But don't make excuses. Having aesthetic tastes isn't objectification: it's just a natural part of being human, and one aspect of a holistic attraction.
     
  10. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

    1,861
    1,150
    143
    Ok cool, thanks for the feedback
     
  11. JesusGreen

    JesusGreen Fapstronaut

    Why was there never a 2017 thread? ;)

    Anyway just posting here to declare my plans. My social anxiety has been at its worst point ever for more than 2 years now. I've kept saying I'd face it, but I've simply let the fear overtake me, and avoided socialising altogether. I've socialised only a tiny number of times during those past 2 years, and only with existing friends in familiar environments.

    I'm a strong believer that the only way to rid yourself of fear is through exposure, and the fastest way to get rid of it, is by jumping right in at the deep end.

    So after probably not leaving the house at all this year other than a couple of times seeing friends and trips to the shops for groceries etc: Today I'm throwing myself in at the deep end.

    I'm going into the city with a friend and we're going to be doing cold approach (among other things). I've never done cold approach before, always met girls through my social circle. I feel like my disadvantage of social anxiety is almost like an advantage though - so many guys are used to feeling fine in normal social situations but getting extreme approach anxiety. For me ALL social situations give me that same anxiety guys get before approaching a girl, so this isn't really going to be any different!

    I'm pretty pumped and excited. If nothing else, this is going to be fucking hilarious. :emoji_ok_hand:
     
    vibemaker likes this.
  12. JesusGreen

    JesusGreen Fapstronaut

    Hope a double post is okay in this situation. Wanted to post an update.

    So I did cold approach for the first time today.

    Keep in mind my social anxiety has basically been so bad that I haven't been leaving the house except to buy groceries. Just walking down the street past people is difficult for me.

    So my goal for today was just to get 10 interactions over a ~5 hour period. They could be as simple as asking for directions etc.

    We actually ended up cutting down our approach time to a little under 2 hours.

    During that time I made approx. 20 approaches (I lost count! :D but can confirm at least 16-17, and some that I don't remember the faces of on top of that, so 20 is a good estimate), most of which were asking for directions etc.

    Of those approaches, I complemented the girl in only 4 cases.

    Of those, I asked two if they'd be interested in grabbing coffee some time.

    Of those, one exchanged details with me and gave me her email. She was the most attractive girl I set eyes on the entire day (not just out the ones I approached) so that made me feel pretty good. :D Honestly even if she flakes I don't think anything can take away how good I feel about getting that result on my first try! I think that'll be a permanent motivator - any time I feel like anxiety is a threat, I can remind myself about that interaction and convince myself that with a little practice anxiety will never be an issue again.

    So of the 4 approaches where I did more than simply ask for directions, I succeeded in getting something back from 1. That's a way better success rate than I expected as someone with my level of social anxiety and having never done cold approach before.

    The full in depth story can be found in my journal: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/jgs-road-to-mastery.68808/page-13#post-916427
     
    vibemaker and HipPete like this.
  13. zx125

    zx125 Fapstronaut

    113
    74
    28
    Hi,
    Is this thread still active? I see it started some time ago, but it must have passed me by. I have been doing exactly what you guys have been doing in approaching women in order to combat my social anxiety.

    My first idea in trying to interact with women was to approach them and ask them for the time. Then, as the interaction drew to a close and they were about to leave, I would then tell them that I thought they loved nice or lovely. End of interaction. Eventually I stopped doing this because it made me very nervous as I was only approaching very attractive women and I was putting myself under pressure to get a number or some other positive response.

    My second plan was to just approach woman and ask them for the time without the pressure of complimenting them in order to get their number ect. This time I found that most women would give me the time but my approach would elicit varying responses, Some would smile and be happy to give me the time, some would just ignore me and walk away without saying anything, probably thinking I'm was trying to sell them something.

    My third plan was just to try to interact with many different types of women, and not just the ones I found immediately very attractive. This was a much better approach and I was able to interact with women and get to know them without the pressure of 'closing' or getting their number ect. By using this approach I was able to have many positive interactions and positive responses.

    My fourth plan was to refine my initial approach and continue to ask women for the time but with a slight refinement. This time, instead of jumping straight in with the question, I decided to use a buffer phrase such as 'excuse me, I don't mean to bother you but....'. This approach worked much better and I found that I would gain much better and more positive responses from women. In fact I would say the positive responses were about 100% as opposed to 50% for my initial approaches.
     
    JesusGreen, HipPete and vibemaker like this.
  14. JesusGreen

    JesusGreen Fapstronaut

    ^ One thing that might help with regards to your idea of asking the time, is ask for help with something you genuinely need help with. If you're approaching 20 women asking "What's the time?" when you don't need to know the time and already know it, then you're probably going to feel weird doing it because you're just using the time as an excuse to start the interaction.

    It's okay to do this, but I find that what worked for me when I did cold approach last week was asking something I wanted to know: the location of music stores. I wanted to find some stores in my nearby city that sell vinyl, since I'd like to be able to go record hunting in person rather than ordering online. I also feel that any new girls I'd like to introduce into my life, whether as friends or something more - would best be girls with similar hobbies to mine, of which one is music. So I thought it would be a great way to 1) get some useful info, 2) do some approaches, and 3) potentially start a conversation about one of my hobbies and see if they're interested in it too.

    So maybe think of something similar? Think of something they could genuinely help you with. If you don't have an idea like mine of asking about locations etc, you could try something different, like asking for a female opinion on something you've always wondered.

    I think it'll make the interactions feel a lot more smooth and natural. Also yes definitely say excuse me or something like that if you're approaching people in the day, otherwise it can sound a little rude and you'll get more negative interactions. I started all of my interactions last time with "Excuse me, [question]" and aside from 1 group of girls who I don't think could understand English, all the responses I got were positive.

    ---

    Also, does anyone want to start the 2017 thread? I feel like there should be a 2017 one, and Mr. Sir hasn't been on since like september 2016 I believe.
     
  15. YngwieWanksteen

    YngwieWanksteen Fapstronaut

    321
    243
    43
    Just did my first cold approach in a very long time.

    Was having lunch at a sushi place with a friend. A cute girl came and sat a couple tables away.

    After we paid the bill, I went to her table with my name and number written down.

    I said I didn't want to disturb her but I thought she was really cute and wanted to give her my details in case she wanted to hang out sometime.

    She just said thanks and slipped the piece of paper away. Don't think I'll be getting anything out of it, but after reading and reading about just getting over rejection, I finally decided to just "do it".
     
    Yoderler and HipPete like this.

Share This Page