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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mr. Sir, Dec 29, 2015.
I've got butterflies in my stomach, shit. I'm in.
I am in, but with much lower goals than you guys I'll start with a couple of times per week
Though I don't lack the confidence to approach women, I like the competitive nature of this thread. Hence I am in!
Alright you guys, @Mr. Sir does not seem to be active in this forum as of now. But this is a worthy challenge that we all should be engaging in to build our social skills and to create a more vibrant life before we die.
I suggest that:
Every participant come back here at the end of the day and post a report on the number of women/men you cold approached.
Talk about your thoughts on the interactions, how was your performance, what can you improve on for next time etc.
Give yourself a grade (E to A+). E if you did not approach at all, A+ if met or exceeded you daily approach goal and developed a great connections with the ones you approached.
Also keep track of the total cold approach number on your report.
If you'd like to share tips/advice, post it here (http://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-cold-approach-advice-thread.55545/)
Here is my report for today-
Jan 12 (Tues)
Total - 15
Cold Approaches - 2/3 (my goal is 3 approaches per day)
First approach was poor. I took too long to build up my courage, my delivery of the opener was weak, I was a bit nervous (she was quite pretty) , I got into interview mode asking question after question instead. However, she did have a bf.
Second approach was much better. Since I did this approach immediately after the first one, I had the confidence to start a conversation immediately as soon as I saw her. The conversation flowed better, made better jokes, and got her number. But her face is not my type so maybe that's why this conversation was easier. Don't think I'll be texting her.
Areas For Improvement -
I've got to go prepared with asking better questions and make sure to not get into interview mode.
Be conscious of strong eye contact.
Get the first one out of the way. First one is a warmup set so expect to fail but also give it my best shot and prolong the interaction as long as possible.
Must maintain the confidence momentum (little or no lag time) and finish off approaching the other 2 females as soon as possible.
I live in the boondocks and besides grocery store, gym and sometimes coffee shop i don't get out much, but admire you guys. I will keep checking in. Until then growing balls.
Day 45. You guys are awesome!!
Damn, you're going a good job!
I need more balls to approach women. I can make and hold eye-contact now but man.. approaching gives me chills.
Just start with safe jabs like asking the time or directions etc. On my first day I spoke to a girl on my way to the restaurant. Just asked her whether the grocery stores are open today. She replied and then I moved on. Could have followed up by telling her how her hairstyle looked somewhat Japanese and thereby have a conversation. Oh well, it's just a way to get started. You'll improve bit by bit. Like in boxing, start off with quick safe jabs and then move on to more damaging punches like flirting, asking for number etc.
Jan 13 (Wed)
Total - 19
Cold Approaches - 4/3 (my goal is 3 approaches per day)
First approach was poor, again. Same situation as last time but a slightly better conversation. But spend wayy too much time procrastinating (hmm but she was busy working out at the gym). I think I did the right thing by waiting for the least awkward moment to talk to her.
The next 2 approaches were easy and casual. Damn, sometimes I have to lie just to start a conversation. Like saying "Hey! my sister has those same boots!" (I don't have a sister. But this made the conversation stimulating for both of us.)
Last approach was more ballsy, I walked straight to the girl filling up gas in her car and told her that I wanted to come say hi because I thought she had a good physical appearance. Then I asked her if she was single. She was not, so I said goodby, nice meeting you etc and left.
I guess I become more and more confident the more girls I approach.
Areas For Improvement -
Be conscious of strong eye contact.
Try to keep the conversation stimulating with jokes to break the Ice. This is why the 3rd approach was the best out 4.
Been doing at least one approach a day. So far it's only been asking for directions but the effect on my confidence has been huge. Going to start sticking around for a bit and small talk after having got the directions.
Approached a girl for the first time ever in my life. I just asked for directions but stared deep into her eyes and maintained a friendly smile on my face.
Nice dude. One a day. It gets easier. Asking for directions dosent phase me now. When I first started I was super scared.
How's everyone doing? I'm planning to step up my game and increase the amount of approaches I do.
Approached two girls in the gym yesterday. They've been glancing at me and my brother a lot and we also like them. They were trying to adjust a bench and that's when I walked up to them and adjusted it. They thanked me. Hopefully when I see them next I'll talk to them.
Very good thread idea OP. I'll hop in when I hit the 14-21 day mark for my Thousand Day March. My biggest fear is being labeled a creep but we will overcome that.
I began a day early actually, first Cold Approach went really well but I'll go more into detail on the weekend
Alright, I haven't been the best at following through with this but I've started to get the ball rolling. I actually forgot about it (relapsed early in the month and lost all motivation), but now that I've finally got a decent streak going and I feel confident with my approaches I'm back in it. I've got a few approaches under my belt, but I'll report back in a few days as I try to make up for the month with a strong finish these last few days.
Edit: Hahaha, watch out guys, I might win this thing! Today I had some awesome interactions, I just said screw it and approached them. I'll keep you posted in a few days.
Sorry for not updating my report regularly. It was time consuming and I did not have much novel information to contribute from my experiences daily. Anyway, I've been doing my safe jabs almost everyday. I've been trying to stick to my routine of atleast 3 approaches everyday. I've definitely improved a bit due to consistency.
The anxiety has reduced because this does not 'feel' uncertain/novel anymore.
I'm able to comfortably follow up with more safe jabs, and throw in a straight punch time to time. Today was a good example of this at the grocery store where I approached a girl and said "hey, random question, do you think egg whites are healthier than whole eggs or is it the other way around?" then I kept the conversation going and even switched to other topics naturally. In the middle I threw in a straight when I said "Hey, I must say, you've got a nice face, it's quite symmetric. Almost as good as mine (with a cheeky smile)" Then I hi5ed her saying "nice, we won the genetic lottery!" then more jabs and then another straight "Hey, lets hang out sometime" she said 'yeah sure', Me: 'what are you doing later today' blah blah ..exchanged numbers, some more jabs and then I left.
Though this looks good on the surface, my performance was still not good. There has been several subtle but important things that she would have been able to sense as signs of 'neediness'. Did my sentences end with a 'down tone' or 'up tone'; I should have given her a hug instead of a weak hand-shake when saying goodbye; did not disqualify her (I was doing all the chasing) and many others that I may not be consciously aware of. This brings me to my next point.
Dating is a skill. Since most of us did not grow up being good with women, we don't know much about this skill. After doing so many safe jabs, I've realized that taking to a women is easy. Anyone can ask for directions and make small talk, but to really have an impactful attraction generating conversation, you need to know what you're doing. You need to 'see the matrix' and manipulate it. That's why we have to constantly learn about dating, read dating books, watch videos, attend a bootcamp if you have the money; practice regularly; stop PMOing so that you have the masculine drive (it's definitely helping me!). Also, stop using dating apps (until you master this skill imo).
Stay thirsty, and frustrated my brothers, it's a sign that you've not given up on yourself!
Nice. Congratulations on the number! I feel I am much more low energy. I'm still focusing entirely on the showing up part.
I've been focusing my breathing and slowing it down while walking through the streets. Really helps with the anxiety and makes you feel amazing.
Still mostly asking for directions. Getting very positive reactions. One girl completely stoped walking and stayed smiling after giving me directions. I got the feeling that she wanted me to continue the interaction but I thanked her and walked away. She was cute as well. Still working up and getting more comfortable. Gonna practice hanging around a bit. Maybe standing still and checking my phone or something. Just to get used to not immediately bailing.
One thing I have already noticed is that I find asking people for assistance in shops much easier. Also now making small talk with random people in shops if funny stuff happens. Also no longer getting anxiety from going outside.
Step by step. Getting there.
I have two dates this weekend. Both were lined up through cold approach.
You will get better with practice. Here is the kind of process you should see develop over the course of the year:
1] Getting approach anxiety: here you will just be approaching. The interactions may not go anywhere, but you are becoming more confident at striking up conversations. Like the development of any skill, it needs to be practiced.
2] Getting numbers: but in the main these will mean nothing. Most of them will flake. Therefore:
3] Being more discerning who you approach. You will ask whether you are really genuninely attracted to the person, so you will screen. Your conversation will be longer and deeper, you will genuinely enjoy it. You will only ask for the number if you sense she wants to give it you. Better yet, you will go on an 'instant date". Yes, gentlemen, they do happen, I have had a few.
4] This is the self-fulfilling stage. You now have woman in your life, some of them friends, others you are more romantically interested in. When you approach now, woman sense you are not desperate but have a lot to offer fun wise.
PS, I don't even bother with bars now. Or, only occasionally so. I have much more success in meeting woman during the day!
Cold approach Part 2:
Do not make woman the end all and be all of your life. Woman love it when a man has other things going on in his life. Nor let your skill with woman [or lack of it] define you as a person, or define your development in life. Draw a hard and fast distinction between it as a skill, and it as a technique.
A skill is something you can develop naturally. You have the resources within you [you are a man!], and it is just a matter of practicing them. A lot of the time, this may involve Unlearning a previous set of practices [and beliefs] that have hindered you in the past. Get rid of the clutter that is in the way of your manly awesomeness. Walk with integrity and pride, and the woman will come into your life.
A technique is a way to manipulate something, to have power over something. If you want to have satisfying relationships with woman, and develop yourself as a human being, you do not want to manipulate their emotions. You are enough. They will be attracted to you. You do not need to pretend to be something other than what you are. Integrity people.
Just my 2 cents worth. Righto, off to a coffee shop!