The Glorious Cold Approach Competition of 2016! (Triggers and Harsh Language)

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Mr. Sir, Dec 29, 2015.

  1. Chef Boy

    Chef Boy Fapstronaut

    It's great that you have such a positive outlook after an ordeal like that; I'm sure she just felt too awkward to say she's not interested. It's amazing the things people do to avoid awkwardness. I don't think there's advice to give - you have the right outlook. It's okay to feel disappointed but as long as that doesn't hamper future attempts, you're dealing with it in a healthy way.
     
  2. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    Celebrate your successes.

    1: You approached
    2: You talked for a bit
    3: You took initiative and asked for the number

    This is all great. Keep going out and approaching. You will get more confident in time.

    It's smart how it works. Once you get approaching down and go it often you start to develop abundance.

    This brings confidence and then you naturally become more teasing, challenging and comfortable with escalating. Ultimately being much more attractive.

    Get approaching down and do it often and you will naturally become more attractive.

    On my end I'm having much more success with Tinder. Profile picture makes such a difference. Even matched with a model! Opened with a basic question. Wrote her name wrong accidently. Recovered and then had some banter and asked her some questions about what inspires her about her hobbies. Proposed a meet up and she said she was busy this week. Going to wait a week and then start bantering again. Suggesting another meet up.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2016
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  3. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. I'm heading to the gym here soon. I talked to the girl who works there yesterday and I was so nervous. I had talked to her several months before but never had a conversation since. I told her after my workout yesterday that we would talk today. I'm kinda nervous about going now. I told her that I liked her hair and she thanked me. It was pretty cute to say the least. Baby steps I suppose.
     
  4. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    It is one random girl. You hit on her. She did not take the bait. Don't take it personally. Put yourself in her shoes; think of how many guys hit on her in a day. But good on you for putting yourself out there.
     
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2016
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  5. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

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    Thanks buzz. I bet she gets it alot. I'll go out tonight, hopefully get a rebound.
     
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  6. TotalLifeChange

    TotalLifeChange Fapstronaut

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    I love this thread.

    I'm not joining for now (working through other goals) but as soon as I complete those I'll sure be joining.

    Lots of encouragement to all the guys/girls who are in; I'll be around.
     
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  7. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    @Landomike as others have already said, focus on the positive and move past her. The goal for now is to keep putting yourself out there to gain the experience. Think of it this way, at least you tried. The only way you could have failed in this scenario is if you didn't try.
    And dude, high fucking five for asking her, it gives you the experience and confidence for future approaches. Also a quick note on something I've read about, only use the phone for setting up dates in the beginning, and keep it short and simple. Texting/calling a lot comes across as needy and puts you in the friendzone/ignore list quickly.
     
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  8. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    God damnit. As I give out advice to others I fail to live up to it myself. I had 2 perfect opportunities today to ask girls out and I fucking failed both times. Each girl asked me what I was doing for spring break and I returned the favor but not once did I try to initiate doing anything with them. It was weird, for each interaction we were talking great, decent flow in the conversations but the thought never even crossed my mind until after the fact.

    Maybe it's the flatline I'm going through? The second one really surprised me too because we've only small talked until this point but today she seemed way more into me. I know going into the week after spring break I want to ask them then, but I wished I could get to the point where I can just do it on the spot and not think about it after the fact. It honestly feels like subconsciously I feel fine being alone (hence no thought of asking them) since it's been that way for years, but man fuck that I want to be out there living life! All part of this journey to a new life I guess...

    UGH! I just had to get that off my chest!
     
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  9. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

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    hey thanks bud
     
  10. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

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    I relapsed today on 26. I don't feel bad at all considering I went my favourite Mexican restaurant afterwards to try to talk to one of the waitresses there. I told him, my waiter, that I wanted to talk to her and he did. She came over right as I got my food so I took the easy way out and asked if she would come back after I ate. She couldn't sit down she said. I told her she was pretty and she thanked me. I was nervous as fuck. The girl who seated me wasn't has pretty but we talked for a bit.

    She was interested in me being in the Navy, I liked that cause I never get that from girls. But I haven't talked to many in this area so there's that. She's from Columbia she told me. It was a nice talk but I wasn't completely interested cause I was after the waitress. She told me she's 17 but totally looked early twenties. She said she gets that alot.

    I'll go back next weekend and ask for her number. I'll want to be friends since she'll be the first girl I'll take out in the area, (good move I think) and the fact she's underaged. I hate saying this but I wasn't nervous talking to her cause she wasn't all that attractive (comparing her to the waitress). I like Latinas so I'll get her number when I got back next weekend.

    It would be nice having someone to spend time with that's not a dumbass 20 year guy. I hate motherfuckers my age (20). I am alone but happy. I got me and that's important. I went to the tilted kilt (breastraunt) and got drunk by myself today. Only had two Coors lights but I haven't had any since Christmas leave. My waitress was black, 20 and had a sweet ass. She seemed like she liked me alot, giggled and laughed. She said that when I come back to ask for her but I forgot her name. Bummer, right? One thing I'm going to work on is getting comfortable touching. That's next.
     
  11. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    Another day, another opportunity in front of me I didn't take. This time it was the cute latin girl in my speech class who has for the last few weeks taken onto me. Previously she's grabbed my arm and been super flirty with me. Today was more of the same. After class she turned around and was very talkative to me, giving me compliments and asking for my name again. We joked about our middle names and then talked for about 3 minutes after class. I asked her about spring break, which she didn't have plans (aka, GREEN LIGHT DUDE!), but couldn't get the balls to ask her out. The whole time I was super confident and didn't do anything to fuck it up though (other than to not ask her out). I can tell she's into me, it's painfully obvious. Since it's kind of naturally fallen into the stage that it has I'm going to keep letting the attraction build up with her. After spring break I'll get closer to her and see about progressing it.

    I haven't legitimately asked a girl out who I don't really know in a longggg time so it's still foreign to me in a sense. I know, excuses, excuses. I live in my head way too much and just need to man up already. Over spring break I am going to forcefully work on my confidence and social skills, since I know I can approach most girls and be friendly to them at this point. It's getting over this hump that I need to work on.
     
  12. HipPete

    HipPete Fapstronaut

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    Hi there I'm Peter 26 yr old. I've been lurking on this forum for a long time but I've decided to join particularly because of this cold approach topic. I'm an Asian American who has very little friends, low self-esteem and want to improve on myself. I find these stories very captivating and encouraging. I haven't approached any woman yet but I will once I have the courage. Nice to meet you all.
     
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  13. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Starbuck's game. Sitting in my local, I notice, out of the corner of my eye and not too noticeably, a lovely lady wander on in. She circled, and then sat down at a nearby table which directly faced mine. I noticed here look my way once or twice, and then met here eyes the next time she glanced over. I left it at that, and went on reading, or posting, whatever it was I was doing. After say 10 minutes I got up to stretch, and asked her where a good local book shop was. I could see she was interested in talking by her very friendly reply, with smiles, and solid eye contact. So I carried on talking after she told me where the book shop was [we both new it was just a pretext]. After a bit, after we were comfortable with each other, I asked if she would like to get lunch together. She said it was a bit early for lunch, so I countered with 'how about 1 or 2 pm then?'. To which she said 1pm would be fine. I then wandered off, to give her some space, and to go to the 'bookshop'. Came back at one, and we then went to lunch for a good two hours, during which she shared her feelings about how bored and empty she felt these days [and this is a beautiful woman]! After a few hours, we walked out to the street, and across the intersection towards where I live. She was still with me, and so I thought she was catching her bus on my side of the intersection. So I said my goodbyes where I had to turn off to my road. On looking back, I noticed she had to re-cross the intersection! I realized I could have asked her home for a coffee or something, but that could have blown up in my face [plus I had plans, plus woman like a busy man]. As she was on my mind the following morning, I sent her a short text saying I would be back in the same coffee shop in the afternoon for a couple of hours. She replied saying thanks but she had to go out of town that day. So there I was drinking my coffee in the cafe, gazing out the window, when this absolutely gorgeous woman walks past looking in. I realize I know her from somewhere and instinctively wave out. She returns the wave, and comes in. Blow me down if it isn't the same woman only now dressed up to the nines on her way to a wedding [the coffee shop is next to the bus terminal]! We planned to meet next weekend when she is back in town. Get clean and put yourself out there people!^^
     
    Last edited: Mar 19, 2016
  14. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    Spent the weekend with the girl who initially rejected my attempt for a kiss. Showing why being a 'good looser' works so well. By being able to be so relaxed with rejection, you turn the rejection into a 'not right now' rather than a game over.

    Escalate, escalate escalate and be completely accepting, relaxed and understanding with rejection
     
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  15. Landomike

    Landomike Fapstronaut

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    Where do you live? Not being creepy on purpose, I'm curious what kind of women you're seeing.
     
  16. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    In Korea. They are mostly everyday woman.
     
  17. volt2187

    volt2187 Guest

    I hope you guys haven't posted in here because you're all out there mingling with the ladies!;)

    Starting to get back at it, nothing too major, though I may have a date with a girl from school who I matched up with on Tinder yesterday. I'll keep you guys posted, but I'm not attracted to her at all, I just want to do it to gain confidence and experience.

    Today at the gym when I was finishing up a girl came up to the stair machine next to mine and I just straight up started talking to her, about if she's used the machine before, etc. She was very receptive of my attention and started telling me her whole life story it seemed and how frustrated she gets over not losing weight. I told her about my struggles and she lit up lol. But then she dropped that she had 2 kids and I lost interest right there and kept trying to find an escape route. She went on for about 5 minutes total. Had I been more attracted to her I would have asked for a number, but I'm not looking to mess with baby mamas haha. But I walked away feeling great because it was effortless to talk to her and it will be a step toward getting to where I want to go. And man, that gym is load full of hot girls so this is going to get fun.:D
     
  18. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    LOL. I understand your point about women with kids, but they've been thru some stuff. They might be more mature. Nothing prevents you from dating one. I married a women that had a 14 yo daughter (that left the house at 18yo). We are together for 18 years now. The daughter is 31 yo now and her own kids...I got the mom, the kid is gone!

    I find that gym girls are triggering me, so I worked hard to clean my mind from sex ideas while at the gym. Yoga pants are evil! Objectification of women played some tricks with my mind.
    Now I keep my sex thoughts for the bedroom only...
     
  19. never_again

    never_again Fapstronaut

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    Shit guys how to escalate ? ... I finally met this girl i had been chatting with, super cute , and we walked for hour but at the end of it ... I just felt we talked about all bull shit stuff ... And yea we had fun but still I feel like I might fall off to the friend zone , so how do I make sure I increase the tension next time .?
     
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  20. Temujin

    Temujin Fapstronaut

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    Escalating will ensure you don't end up friend zoned. However you have to accept the risk of rejection.

    Escalation makes your intent clear. There are smooth ways and unsmooth ways. But anything is better than nothing.

    Im still bad myself but common advice seems to be

    Smooth: sustained eye contact, standing closer, more touching. light at first, pat on the arm and touching hands building up to more intimate such as hand on her lower back ect ect

    Unsmooth: straight up asking if she would like to kiss ect

    It's funny that the most succses I've had so far has been with a girl I really unsmoothly escalated with. I think the important thing is not necessarily how you escalate but in how well you can handle rejection.

    Remember if a girl likes you she will be trying to meet you half way. Not escalating for you but will be forgiving even if you where as unsmooth as I was.

    Plus there is something about a girl being open to my stumbling seduction and gently egging me on and redirecting me that makes the whole experience more magical.

    T.L.D.R My advice is escalate any way you can. Make sure you handle rejection well if it happens. If a girl likes you you will be surprised how forgiving they can be for terrible escalating. But if you don't escalate at some point nothing will happen.

    Also best of luck! Someone else here might be able to offer better advice
     
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