The Growth Mindset

I started to read this book and liked it very much but unfortunately I was not able to complete it.
I am one with the fixed mindset and I found it very hard to change my mindset.

 

I would like to hear more on this.
Like when I am not able to do physics, I get extremely demotivated. I feel like I should be able to do it after reading about a topic and failing to do the same ruins my whole day.

 

Well porn is a problem because it leads to escalating behaviors to get the high of orgasm leading to a disregard for the consequences, the very definition of addiction. Yet it isn't biological in the majority of cases - that is, for most people here medication isn't an answer underneath the care of a psychiatrist. The problem is emotional, the problem is deep-rooted feelings, the problem is (in some cases) different kinds of childhood trauma, the problem is feelings, the problem is deeply personal. We use porn and masturbation to escape, to self-medicate, to celebrate, to take care of our own needs, to feel better in our isolation and loneliness, to feed our fantasies and imaginations. All alone, all to images on a screen, numbing our connection to others, anesthetizing us to growth, dulling the pain that growth entails.

And the problem of porn has deeper roots as you rightly surmise. You are avoiding the pain of growth, you do not want to face the truth of those emotions long-buried by porn, this is why so many here have relapses and resets, why so many turn back to the behaviors that got them to this site in the first place. And for myself I know myself enough that after more than four decades of porn and masturbation, I can go right back to it at anytime, however this time it would have far greater consequences in my life than just a secret life of jacking off to porn scenes. It would mean the ruin of my married and family life, the cutting in half of my entire net worth, the collapse of the budding friendships I have with different accountability partners, and the destruction of all that I have accomplished for the past month and a half (almost).

Instead, I've given my will and my life over to God (a Higher Power), and am at work on the growth of facing deep-seated feelings that date back to when I was literally a child. Issues that have plagued me for years in my married life, that I thought were unchange-able, now I see can change if I'm willing to face the issue as they are, an issue that I can change. And the pluses of a porn- and masturbation-free life I'm seeing all around me - greater connection with my wife of 20 years, greater connection with the kids, greater honesty and humility at work (in addition to overall rise in work quality and creativity), lots of time freed up as I'm no longer staying up late choosing, downloading, organizing, and masturbating to my porn collection. Heck my newly-expanded NAS that was bursting at the seams due to the 1.8TB the porn stash was gobbling up, is now remarkably only down to a fraction of its capacity.

Again and again I see men here who have their self-life fully in-control. No accountability to others, no connection to other men facing a pornography and masturbation addiction in recovery groups, no honesty with those closest to them (their spouses), no reality other than hopping online and complaining about how they relapsed once again. Yes this does sound harsh because all the tools are right here, from the basics to all about rebooting to weekly group calls. I am convinced that recovery from a porn addiction will not happen unless other people, In Real Life people, get actively involved with your life and your own emotional growth.

 

Good read.
To switch from a fixed to a growth mindset , you need to change your subconscious mind and not your conscious mind.
It happens automatically once you complete the journey of loving yourself unconditionally.