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The harder I try, the bigger the binge...

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by JamesD, May 7, 2017.

  1. JamesD

    JamesD Fapstronaut

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    I have been battling pornography addiction for a long time. I'd like some of your thoughts on an observation.

    The harder I try, the bigger the breakout is. Consider an analogy. Imagine someone with a penchant for chocolate cake. It is their guilty pleasure. Being overweight, they go on a strict diet. No chocolate cake is allowed. In this case, after several weeks, they give in and a binge occurs. So much chocolate cake is consumed that the person is sick after eating several cakes in succession. Perhaps this one binge session involves eating more cake than the person would have normally had over the previous weeks should they not have been dieting!

    When I don't try very hard, I have small breakouts but more often. They are less of 'events'. When I try really hard, it ends in an explosive pornfest where I can masturbate for hours/days and often over boundary pushing material.

    Is this common? I'm guessing I'm not alone. The harder I try, the bigger the ensuing binges.

    Feeling really frustrated and a bit hopeless.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  2. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    "For the law of sin is that brute force of habit whereby the mind is dragged along and held fast against its will, and deservedly so because it slipped into the habit willingly."
    -Augustine
     
  3. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Not condemning you, but I felt this Augustine quote has so much truth to it with our struggles. I mean think about it, no one is forcing us at gunpoint to view this porn through our devices or even to fap.
     
    Dr. Jekyll and JamesD like this.
  4. JamesD

    JamesD Fapstronaut

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    Coming back to my post, and with RunTilMyLegsDropOff's notes, I think part of the problem is that it is 'the elephant in the room'. No one is forcing me to do it.

    I think I need to change my perception of porn. I need to see it for what it is; fake, repetitive, exploiting, cheap and unsafe. Using my chocolate cake analogy, I need to read the box the chocolate cake comes in and see the cheap, artificial and nasty ingredients. I need to realise that the cake doesn't really taste as good as I had thought it might in the past. I need to move on from chocolate cake as I find it boring and distasteful. I will work at this.

    The romance I have attached to it is a total illusion. It's fake and soulless.
     
  5. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    You have to value your healing over the illusion of porn. You're in reality watching some other guy get to have sex and you are pleasuring yourself to the pixels. You're not doing anything fulfilling to yourself, but injuring yourself physiologically. It's like eating a whole can of cake frosting when instead of a plate of meat and vegetables.
     
    Dr. Jekyll, John84 and JamesD like this.
  6. sparkywantsnoPMO

    sparkywantsnoPMO NoFap Moderator & Yeoman
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    Yes. That's a better way to look at it.

    It's also worth noting that not viewing porn will not kill us. No matter what. Therefore, no matter how annoying it is, it is survivable.
     
    JamesD likes this.
  7. JamesD

    JamesD Fapstronaut

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    Exactly. 200 years ago people survived just fine without porn. Plenty of people live a totally normal life without watching porn. If I never saw porn again, the universe wouldn't collapse in on itself. I sometimes need to remind myself of this.
     
    Dr. Jekyll and sparkywantsnoPMO like this.
  8. John84

    John84 Fapstronaut

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    Well if it happens, just dont give in to the chaser effect. Just be done with it. Then continue your nofap. Your probably rationalising something like, "*few hours ago by* yeah ok I relapsed anyways few hours ago. May aswell do it again, doesn't matter"
     
  9. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    In the initial stages, the desire to NOT faap can in a strange way feed the desire to fap. Our energies are still focused on fap, but in a negative way. This is where distractions and diversions can increasingly come in handy. Try to develop spaces that give your mind a foothold outside the fapping/ Nofap space. It's a process, and you'll slowly see a shift in the balance of power. Good luck~~
     
  10. LavaMe

    LavaMe Fapstronaut

    I have experienced what you have. I first started confronting this and making changes at the beginning of the year. When I did I went on a PMO binge. It was like the idea of giving up PMO made me want to get in all that I could before I stopped. How sick is that? It is very sick, but I'm sick.

    I think the idea of really thinking about how terrible porn is can be very helpful. It is really poison. When you take it you are poisoning yourself. If you really think about the making of porn and the use of it you realize how degrading and disgusting it is. Why would you want to consume degradation? But, you got into it because there was some pleasure in it. So you also need to think about and address what it was that you used porn for. Ultimately you have to see the evil in porn as being greater than the good in it. An objective observer of you would see it easily. But you have to see it to break free. You especially have to keep this in your mind when urges strike.
     
  11. BeautyForAshes

    BeautyForAshes Fapstronaut

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    You probably need to reassess the entire thing. Did you recognize "triggers"? Is there anything in your personal life that helps precipitate relapses? What are your hobbies? Are you typically depressed? Is everything in order on the "home front"?

    You have no ideal how right you are. At first, I used to watch YouTube videos of my favorite pornstars and it changed my perception of them and the industry as a whole. Some of them are really ashamed of what they do. There's some I felt so empathetic for, i'd never view them again out of respect. One i'd honestly marry, she seemed so nice.

    Also view your demon as irrelevant. Having PMO occupying most of your thoughts, makes it seem prominent and inescapable in your life. Know it's there, that you'll overcome it, and don't think about it. If you have urges, do anything but MO. It holds the most merit. I know from experience.
     
  12. Hmm. That isn't very helpful - "just don't give in". :rolleyes: IF that was the answer we would not be addicts would we?
     
    JamesD likes this.
  13. MasturbatieAtelier

    MasturbatieAtelier Fapstronaut

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    I have the same problem. When I relapse once, the depression, guilt, shame and brainfog are back imediatly. Under the influence of these strong effects it seems impossible to stay away from a binge. After 2 days of non-stop fapping I am so numbed that I stop and go back to NoFap, with huge regrets ofcourse. If only I did not binge...
    I relapse every saturday morning, which is tormorrow.... fuck my life.
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  14. Mr.No

    Mr.No Fapstronaut

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    Bake your one cake with some quality ingridients. Sry for bad english
     
    sparkywantsnoPMO likes this.
  15. Mr.No

    Mr.No Fapstronaut

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    Just go out and run. Or go to the gym. Dont relapse it is not worth it.
     
    JamesD likes this.
  16. JamesD

    JamesD Fapstronaut

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    What is it about Saturday morning that triggers you, or leads you to relapse?
     
  17. superzebrasimon

    superzebrasimon Fapstronaut

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    This is really interesting, I've been frustrated over the same issue many times. I think the idea is not to force yourself, but to mentally prepare. Forcing is in itself a frustrating act and in the long run it won't work because you don't want to live a rigid life where you can't trust your your own spontaneity, which is the source of joy in life. I commented it a few days ago in my journal. So instead you should mentally prepare by visualizing yourself over and over again continuing when the urges hit you, the same way you visualize when preparing for an important game or speech in school or when you know you have to get up really early the next day. That way you build confidence and self trust instead of distrusting yourself by the act of forcing. Combine that with the act of letting go of control every now and then. Sit down, close your eyes and let your mind be free in this safe environment. The secret is to watch yourself carefully and know when to let go and don't force and when to put and effort into mental preparation and conservation. Use proper discipline to live fully and create a more fruitful life of substance, do not live to be disciplined.
     
  18. superzebrasimon

    superzebrasimon Fapstronaut

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    Check out Alan Watts on this, he has several speeches and lectures on youtube on the matter of this issue that we create for ourselves. The point is not to be afraid of making an effort towards something you want, he simply wants to point out this mental delusion that the more we try to control the more power are we going to get. Here are two links:

     
  19. MasturbatieAtelier

    MasturbatieAtelier Fapstronaut

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    Just waking up, leaving the stress from the work week behind me. I guess it was just my PMO rithm, on saturdays I had/have time to binge. Survived last week though :D
     
  20. Duke of Gine

    Duke of Gine Fapstronaut

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    Huge binges are how all of my very small quests ended... until this current streak.

    I think I finally truly, truly realized what I was trading in order to feed my addiction.

    Don't dwell on failure. Start anew.
     

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