The Haunted House Story

What you have done to me has caused irreversible damage. Damage so deep even i cant find it within myself. No matter how much i bandage it or put it past me, it bleeds its way to the forefront of my brain as if i could see the pain visually with substance. There is an irrefutably empty hole thats projecting through my very chest. Even the good can seem rotten through the vision im now cursed with. Your face has changed from what used to be a humble and familiar symmetry to a distorted comedy/tragedy mask. Everyday is a quest through a haunted house attraction made up of my very own marital fears. The goal is to get through it still intact. Some days i manage that nearly impossible task but not without fear of the worst around every corner.

Imagine being in this very attraction. The horrors are endlessly repeating themselves while a meaningful love song plays quietly in the background. You have been through these very halls too many times to count but the anxiety within isnt relieved by the familiarity because you have no control over these fears. The only one able to bring an end to everything is the architecture.You plead anyway you can to get through to this person but the walls are too thick and you begin to wonder if hes watching you with a sick thrill or completely blind to the pain he is causing. You build up courage through hope and faith alone then round the first corner. You pause, breathe in deep then remind yourself the faith you have in the marriage.You are now sure nothing will be there to scare you so you open your eyes and take that turn. But you were wrong. So.very.wrong. You immediately feel the faith leave your soul as agony consumes the empty spaces of your heart. The pain of finding out your spouse is betraying you lights up deep inside like a burning sun. Your fear has now become reality. As you are watching it happen right in front of you with your very own eyes, pain becomes so uncontrollable that numbness takes over. You plead louder to the architecture to make it end but he is nowhere to be found.You are alone and you begin to break. All you can manage to do is curl up, close your eyes, and drown own the sounds of your heart shattering. Your heart is beating so fast that you question whether it can handle this amount of stress then you begin to think dying would be better than this.

Fast forward a few of years. Now the haunted house is bare. No more horrors around the corner. The only thing left is the silent memories of all that happened down those halls. Those silent memories have taken the place of horrors around every corner. No longer is it reality..its psychological. It is now your brain making things appear from within the shadows. You cannot tell the difference between the two. You have grown so accustomed to the horrors that if its not there, your brain tells you it is. Through all the mental damage this house has caused, you bring them to life.The scars have been cut so deep that even your vision is manipulating you into believing monsters are everywhere. You mutter silently, "they just got better at hiding..."

 

Yes. It is...unfortunately. It wasnt easy to share and i hope it doesnt discourage you or anyone. I just really needed to get that off my chest. Im new here and not sure if this kind of post stuff is acceptable. Im in a dark place and tend to be honest with my feelings or thoughts.

 

Thank u for saying that. I tend to question everything i do or say..then think the worst.

 

Thank u for the kind words and for the resouces. I will look for them

 

Haha ur awesome! Thank you ☺

 

Thanks for the offer. That was definitely a question i needed answered. I think understanding things from a PA's perspective could be very helpful. I will message u as questions pop into mind

 

I am so sorry for what u are going through. just know that i am here for u if u need or want to talk about anything. Since u said ur in this place now then i know all too well the pain u have deep inside. Can u tell me a little about urself and why u joined nofap? How are u doing today?