The Importance of Having a Value Structure

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by JiuJitsuGod, Nov 11, 2020.

  1. JiuJitsuGod

    JiuJitsuGod Fapstronaut

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    Hello all. I am making this post in order to share my thoughts. Today I relapsed hard again. I find myself feeling weakened by my continual self sabotage. This is due to me having no self control over what I end up watching. Just today I watched a YouTube video containing a cute woman and then I found myself down the rabbit hole of p again. This is unfortunate because I keep telling myself I will remain strong. I decided that after this most recent failure that I would start to live by my values once again.

    So often it seems that we as men are being told to weaken ourselves into the submission of modern culture. To conform to the new set of nihilistic, hedonistic, impulsive values. Today I wrote down all of the values that I hold to be true. These values are unshakeable. Things such as Loyalty, Honesty, and Patience just to name a few. I went down the list of all of the things I think I need to work on in order to become a better person. My plan is to memorize my values, and what they represent so that no matter the situation I will have the proper set of tools to deal with it. The way I thought about it today is that our minds are toolboxes full of various parts and collections of tools that we can use to navigate the world. If we do not take care of and respect our tools they will get rusty and lose integrity. Meaning that in a dire situation they may not function well enough to pull you out of said situation.

    So this value structure I have set up will act as a filter for the decisions I make, as well as helping me to make better choices in the future. I can not say much about how well this method works, as I am just now attempting to solidify it. My thinking is that if I can ensure I have the base traits down of a good man then I will be able to control myself and make good decisions from there. For instance let’s say I am getting a very powerful urge. I remove myself from the situation, and remind myself that this action is not inline with my beliefs or who I am as a person. Sounds so simple right? I don’t think I have ever taken this approach for most situations. Maybe it is because I am still young (18) and am not disciplined yet. But I want to refine what makes me reliable, and sharpen my toolkit so I can remain grounded no matter what. Going back to the urges my belief is that I can run a situation through let’s say Honesty. I could think to myself that by doing said action I am not being honest to my friends and family, because this is not something that the person they know I am would be doing. Second it is not being honest to myself as well as the foundational value structure. The list could go on as I run it through each of my held values until I am back to a state of being able control myself fully.

    While I do not think this will come very easy I think it is necessary to keep myself on the right track. This will go into other areas too. Shaping myself into the man who is disciplined enough to finish my schooling. To get the job I want want. (Firefighter). I am sick of hearing about the moral relativism that so many people argue we should have when looking at the world. I will start with myself and hopefully things will fall into place.

    If you have any thoughts on this topic comments would be greatly appreciated. I have a few questions for anyone who would like to discuss with me. I will hopefully post on this thread and keep a list of what is happening, and what I have found from each value. Will probably post a full list of my values. First question, what are your values that you can call back on when you are going through a rough time, or a time that may lead to relapse? Do you have a strict schedule that you enforce on yourself to keep yourself on track? If you could start doing one thing to further yourself towards success (not just avoiding p) what would it be?
     
    GoldenDreams likes this.
  2. I see what you’re thinking here. And I think for many of us stopping PMO comes from not only the fear of the pain it causes us but also from our own conscience, a sense of right and wrong. We know that this is wrong for us. My own standard, character traits such as honesty, bravery, sacrifice for what I love, independence, purity, all these are important and PMO use is in opposition to who I am as a person. But I don’t think that is enough to stop the habit. When I’m feeling frisky and have the means to see what I want to see, and have an ingrained M habit, recalling the virtues I believe in has not stopped me. I just feel anger and regret afterwards. As men our body seeks to relieve stress through sex, and this drives us towards things like PMO. The habit grows and it becomes an unhealthy coping mechanism we use to deal with stress. I think a balanced and successful approach to stopping PMO takes this into account. Personally, my approach incorporates methods to remind myself of right and wrong, my beliefs, character traits, and also some healthy coping mechanisms to replace the unhealthy ones. I don’t think it helps to go from fapping to a pretty girl online to eating mass potato chips and watching tv... or mindlessly scrolling through a phone. We naturally turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms, distractions. I used to do this. I thought if I prayed hard enough, and was a good enough person, PMO would fizzle out. So I would start out a streak and try hard (in reality I never incorporated good habits) not to fap, I would feel stress, I would deal with it by watching The Office and drinking ales, and eating chips, I would feel ok, but ultimately over time, at some point I would deal with the stress by fapping instead. I would then feel very sad and guilty and start over. As you can imagine, this is an emotions based approach which will only lead to failure. Here is what has worked for me now...

    THE NEW APPROACH

    Daily habits:
    1. Wim Hof breathing
    2. Meditation
    3. Prayer
    4. Cold shower
    5. Exercise
    6. Bible reading
    7. Internet restrictions
    8. Taking calming supplements such as peppermint, hops (in ales) flax, chamomile tea; and avoiding excess caffeine and peanuts and cashews, as peanuts really seem to boost my libido super high.
    I have also been experimenting with urge fasting, where I skip a meal when I’m feeling a strong urge. This causes the body to turn attention towards food rather than sex.
    Internet restrictions have been very helpful. Currently I can only access this and a couple other good websites.
    So that’s my strategy. I hope some of this is helpful or of interest.
     
    JiuJitsuGod likes this.
  3. FoundTheFreedom

    FoundTheFreedom Fapstronaut

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  4. I can’t access online links due to restrictions but I can say that Wim Hof has a YouTube channel which I used to learn the breathing. He had a follow along video which is great. It seems to relax and invigorate mind and body and I do this Before meditation
     
  5. FoundTheFreedom

    FoundTheFreedom Fapstronaut

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    You have restricted yourself to no web browsing at all? Okay. Can you tell me under whose name that particular YouTube channel is under? I'd like to check it out. If you could give me a hint or some kind, I'd be grateful.
     
  6. FoundTheFreedom

    FoundTheFreedom Fapstronaut

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    Please explain. Who is needing absolutes and what do you mean by "One really need not reinvent the wheel"? You are not being very clear. I do want to understand so please explain.
     
    JiuJitsuGod likes this.
  7. Wim Hof actually has his own channel on YouTube, you’d probably just need to look under the name Wim Hof. Also, from my understanding postmodern relativistic values is a philosophy that states that there is no absolute moral reality, only “values” which the individual constructs through the reality seen by him. In terms of our modern understandings of absolute standards in areas such as math and science, it seems absurd to assume there are no universal moral absolutes. At best, this philosophy puts you adrift on the sea of your own realities and delusions.
     
    JiuJitsuGod likes this.
  8. JiuJitsuGod

    JiuJitsuGod Fapstronaut

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    So by writing about my thoughts that is somehow reinventing someone else’s teaching? This is a plan for my moral absolutes that I can live by. If you don’t like it, fine. Do not group me or anyone else into a group of those who “need” their “moral absolutes”. My personal beliefs are if I don’t live by my internal code I will be lead astray. You aren’t philosophical for trying to make it seem as though you have the high ground for not having any solid anchor points in the world. Get over yourself and stop spreading negativity on a site where people are trying to make themselves better.
     
  9. JiuJitsuGod

    JiuJitsuGod Fapstronaut

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    I appreciate your comment. I see how my post may make it seem that I am just going to use my will power to stop myself from PMO. I like your idea of having a while Arsenal of things to do if one gets urges. For me I have been keeping myself busy as much as possible. And the time I’m not using to do something productive I am trying to focus on trying to improve my values. I think a good balance would be wise. A mixture of habit as well as the self reflection to make changes. For me positive habits have been setting up a schedule to follow, eating a healthy protein rich diet, and setting up time to talk to my friends about any problems. I know what you mean when you talk about the urges overcoming. It is almost like it’s a completely different person who is in my head before I relapse. I hope that this balance I seek will help to bring me a bit more control over this battle. Thanks again!
     
    GoldenDreams likes this.

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