The inability to even make any social contact

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by iunior, Oct 12, 2020.

  1. iunior

    iunior New Fapstronaut

    I'm just writing this as a last attempt to leave this behind me, since I've tried everything already.
    I started this journey some years ago. I had good times, and terrible but never did I succeed to make it as far as I want, and at this moment I'm the farthest away I've ever been from that goal and I can't take it anymore.

    For as long as I can remember I have difficulties with making contact with people, I got severely bullied in primary school by older kids. (to the point they would chase me with broomsticks for the sole purpose of hitting me until I couldn't get back up anymore) I saw many people about this, but all I heard were excuses or that I shouldn't act like that and deal with it (without ever telling me how). Eventually I left everthing behind and went to highschool, where I also got beat up a few times but managed to make a very few good friends. Here I also started the nofap journey, by the time I was 16. During the last two years of highschool I noticed people just have some sort of disgust towards me. When I try to talk to them normally, or just ask a question, I could feel and even see they wanted to go away from me, and I was left behind. I also felt something for a girl at one point, who also became a friend of mine. All I can say is that it became a total disaster. But I still had two good friends, so I couldn't be more happy, for that was all I ever wanted.

    A month ago university started in my country, and because I'm going to the school at the other side of the country, I moved in in some sort of dorm of my own. Since I won't be able to see my friends anymore, I thought I could start everything over and make new friends, or so I hoped. I started talking with people in my dorm and got along well with them at the beginning, but as I wrote before, people have somesort of disgust towards me and while as far as I know I didn't say/did anything wrong they started talking less and are now giving me weird looks when I try to socialize, so I stopped trying. During the first two weeks, the university tried to run activities so people would get to know each other, and I took every chance and oportunity to make new friends, which all failed and even costed me some money. One time when I tried the aproach technique where I just went up to a guy and said 'hello, I'm x, and your name is?'. He just looked, and walked away. Because of this I just stopped trying and for the past 2 weeks I've just been sitting in my room following every classes online. I know I shouldn't give up and keep trying, go outside, talk to people etc, but I tried so many times and during my life the answe has always been the same. At this point I just don't know what to do, all I want and ever wanted is just one friend, with who I can go out and drink once in a while, or play some games with, or just talk to.
    I don't know what else I can do, I've tried everything and am just sick of it and feel so tired. It's a really weird and sad feeling you know. Waking up alone, with the closest family and friend at the other side of the country. Not having a 'real' complete conversation that isn't just basic formalities with someone for weeks. It breaks me, both physically and mentally.

    But that's why I'm starting this journey again. It may be possible I reach my goals because of this, it may be possible this wouldn't help me even in the slightest, I might succeed, and I might fail, but I honestly don't care about that anymore. Eventually, at one moment, I want to think back at these times, and my past and just laugh, because I did it. That's why I will keep going, again and again and again!

    If you came this far, I want to thank you for reading this, and wish you the best of luck in whatever you want to achieve and your life. ;)
    -Kind regards, Iunior.

    P.S: Writing this didn't just calm me and made me feel better, it also gives me a lot of enthousiasm, and I'm feeling hyped up!
  2. ruso

    ruso Fapstronaut

    Hey Iuonor, thanks for sharing your experience. I did not get bullied like you back in my younger years, but I was told flat out “no one likes you, why are you here?” so I have empathy for what you wrote. I have a feeling that as you continue to improve on your own, and as you said enjoying the journey rather than placing too much importance on failing or succeeding, it’ll show up in your presence and make social interactions just a tad easier.
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2020
    Akeakua, Wren and ManHvnBnd like this.
  3. cardinal biggles

    cardinal biggles Fapstronaut

    Thanks for sharing your story Iunior. I'm sorry to read about your experiences of being bullied, from reading it your school and teachers really let you down, it angers me that they wouldn't consider the long term trauma bullying can make on a child.

    Don't get hung up about that guy who walked away when you tried to introduce yourself either maybe he too has social issues that causes him to act so defensive, or maybe he's just a prick!

    Obviously I can't guarantee that things will get better, but one thing I do know is that if you spend your time seeking escapism in porn and masterbation things will only get worse. I know it's difficult being stuck in your halls in these crazy times but anything is more rewarding than watching porn and I'm sure you can find something like an online society or something else to make new friends, I know it's awkward at these early stages but give it time.

    I'm also glad that writing here helped you feel better, keep coming back man.
    Akeakua and AKUNT_5891 like this.

    WOODROW Fapstronaut

    I will be your pal. I know what it is like to be away from home. People here in New York city---not friendly, looked annoyed, +no real empathy. I was brought up different--to be nice. You are not strange at all. I am here in my Jeep wrangler '--time for me to eat now...I hope my trip home will be ok..I have this issue of getting these sudden urges to ejaculate while I am driving.
    I don't commit masturbation nor do porno+no girlfriends, no wife.
    Akeakua and ManHvnBnd like this.
  5. puius8435

    puius8435 Fapstronaut

    I’m sorry you have a hard time meeting people. I understand the struggle. Don’t give up. If you consider a hobby you might be able to join a club or sport where you could socialize. If you ever need someone to talk to just let me know.
  6. GeeJ

    GeeJ Fapstronaut

    I am sorry about your struggles with people. I find it difficult to make long term friends aswell. I settled with not bothering but keep trying I am sure you can do it again you made close friends before you can do it again.
    Think how it happened with your other friends or even ask them if that is ok with them.
  7. PowerOverMind

    PowerOverMind Fapstronaut

    Hey man. it's not easy out there. I don't really know anything about you so I will give you these tips as they work for me. Dress up nicely and try to look your best always (you have no idea how much of a difference this will make), pick up a few activities or hobbies that you've always wanted to try (people like you more if you have something in common with them), approach people but don't try too hard ( people can smell it when you do), other than that just keep at it.
    GeeJ likes this.
  8. lost&found77

    lost&found77 Fapstronaut

    thank you wren for your empathy & your respectful words towards iunior. they'll be helpful.
    fapequalsdeath and puius8435 like this.
  9. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

    OP you are going to deal with alot of apathetic animals which call themselves humans in this life. Do not take it to heart! Learn from the situation explore your mistakes and move on. Just hang in there man.
  10. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

    This things really puzzles me , you got beat up by those idiots and you never defended yourself? At least try defend yourself? You could had learned some martial art (legit fight martial art like mma,jiujitsu,wrestling, kickboxing,boxing , muay thai etc....) and you still can learn and its a really good environment to make friends i made alot of friends with fighting
    Thats probably because of the vibe you produce, if you dislike yourself or if your negative , you will produce that vibe to other people and people will go away from you because people dont want to be near negative persons
    If you feel like a fly you will be treated like a fly, if you feel like a lion you will be treated like a lion

    To be honnest with you i dont know if that is the best way to start talking to strangers , try first talking ablut something that happened or make use of a situation to interact with people, i do that and works quite well

    But the biggest point is to improveyourself, focus on your goals objectives and dont give a shit about what other think
  11. Wren

    Wren Fapstronaut

    What you want me to sugarcoat it?
  12. chanteur49

    chanteur49 Fapstronaut

    Hey Iunior. Thanks for sharing this. I share similar challenges, and you should know that you’re not alone. This was my first semester in college, and I really struggled to make friends / lasting connections. In my case, I’ve always been my worst enemy, telling myself that I don’t have friends / that no one would really care to be friends with me. This is bullshit, but for some reason a part of my mind clings to it. Self-perception and confidence are really important in both of these journeys (NoFap + friendships). Tell yourself that you do have lots to offer as a person, not only because this boosts your prospects but also because it’s true. Then perhaps make a little calendar charting out all the social interactions of the week, whether during meals, on zoom, outside—no matter how small. I found this method made me more accountable and encouraged me to reach out to more peers, and actually brightened some of my weeks. The more social interactions you have, whether they go your way or not, really make a difference. Just be conscious about it, keep your spirit up, and embrace who you are. Self-love = power.
    lost&found77 likes this.
  13. lost&found77

    lost&found77 Fapstronaut

    no. to accept that this can happen to any person whether beautiful or not whether suffering from an illness or not whether intelligent or not whether... it's not a question of any kind of personal treats. the more you have no idea who iunior is. it's a question of a certain empathy and respect to me to remain fair, open and supportive. especially on nofap. it's my opinion.
    chanteur49 likes this.
  14. JoeinMD

    JoeinMD Fapstronaut

    You sound like a great guy, and many guys get some "insecure bully" attention during school years. I'm surprised about the college experience, where no one usually cares for that anymore. You said things went well in the beginning. Do you have any clue at all what might trigger this? Are many into things you are not, sometimes for the best? Did something negative happen that may have gotten around in people's ears? Is there anything about you that folks may be acting prejudiced toward: racism, handicap, clothes, speech, hair, mannerisms, attitude, etc.? Does it only happen in certain circles, or in ever circle and grouping? I'm just trying to see whether you can pin any possible reason down for this seeming negativity - even if it's very wrong and hateful. Do you have at least any semi-friend, acquaintance, or neutral person even whom you might ask about this, that is, "Why other people are acting like this toward you, or is it your imagination?" That might be a possible avenue to take for further discovery or to put the fear to rest.

  15. AKUNT_5891

    AKUNT_5891 Fapstronaut

    It will be weird to hear but friends are not that important to me. And just ignore people that don't want be friends.

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