I'm just writing this as a last attempt to leave this behind me, since I've tried everything already. I started this journey some years ago. I had good times, and terrible but never did I succeed to make it as far as I want, and at this moment I'm the farthest away I've ever been from that goal and I can't take it anymore. For as long as I can remember I have difficulties with making contact with people, I got severely bullied in primary school by older kids. (to the point they would chase me with broomsticks for the sole purpose of hitting me until I couldn't get back up anymore) I saw many people about this, but all I heard were excuses or that I shouldn't act like that and deal with it (without ever telling me how). Eventually I left everthing behind and went to highschool, where I also got beat up a few times but managed to make a very few good friends. Here I also started the nofap journey, by the time I was 16. During the last two years of highschool I noticed people just have some sort of disgust towards me. When I try to talk to them normally, or just ask a question, I could feel and even see they wanted to go away from me, and I was left behind. I also felt something for a girl at one point, who also became a friend of mine. All I can say is that it became a total disaster. But I still had two good friends, so I couldn't be more happy, for that was all I ever wanted. A month ago university started in my country, and because I'm going to the school at the other side of the country, I moved in in some sort of dorm of my own. Since I won't be able to see my friends anymore, I thought I could start everything over and make new friends, or so I hoped. I started talking with people in my dorm and got along well with them at the beginning, but as I wrote before, people have somesort of disgust towards me and while as far as I know I didn't say/did anything wrong they started talking less and are now giving me weird looks when I try to socialize, so I stopped trying. During the first two weeks, the university tried to run activities so people would get to know each other, and I took every chance and oportunity to make new friends, which all failed and even costed me some money. One time when I tried the aproach technique where I just went up to a guy and said 'hello, I'm x, and your name is?'. He just looked, and walked away. Because of this I just stopped trying and for the past 2 weeks I've just been sitting in my room following every classes online. I know I shouldn't give up and keep trying, go outside, talk to people etc, but I tried so many times and during my life the answe has always been the same. At this point I just don't know what to do, all I want and ever wanted is just one friend, with who I can go out and drink once in a while, or play some games with, or just talk to. I don't know what else I can do, I've tried everything and am just sick of it and feel so tired. It's a really weird and sad feeling you know. Waking up alone, with the closest family and friend at the other side of the country. Not having a 'real' complete conversation that isn't just basic formalities with someone for weeks. It breaks me, both physically and mentally. But that's why I'm starting this journey again. It may be possible I reach my goals because of this, it may be possible this wouldn't help me even in the slightest, I might succeed, and I might fail, but I honestly don't care about that anymore. Eventually, at one moment, I want to think back at these times, and my past and just laugh, because I did it. That's why I will keep going, again and again and again! If you came this far, I want to thank you for reading this, and wish you the best of luck in whatever you want to achieve and your life. -Kind regards, Iunior. P.S: Writing this didn't just calm me and made me feel better, it also gives me a lot of enthousiasm, and I'm feeling hyped up!