The "Indifference Method" for Quitting Porn

"NOPE, WAY TOO LONG, FUCK THIS" >>>> shorter version (40% fewer words)

Acknowledgement goes to @RockyRocky, whose thread inspired me to write this one. In it, he prescribes an "I don't care" approach to quitting porn, masturbation, and orgasm (PMO). I would like to further elaborate on my version of this method, which I will call the indifference method. Disclaimer: this is ONE method of POSSIBLY quitting your addiction. I do not guarantee success.



Introduction

The process I shall soon describe is one which I have admittedly only attempted as a thought experiment. Recently, however, I have begun to suspect that this method may provide some utility in overcoming addictions as well. Some readers may notice similarities with Buddhist ideology, Stoicism, and other schools of thought. I won't deny this, though I am neither a Buddhist nor a Stoic, and developed this system almost entirely on my own. This work has nothing to do with religion, and everything to do with philosophy and psychology. To paraphrase in very simple terms, Buddhism teaches that desire leads to suffering, and to suffer as little as possible one must eliminate desire. Similarly, the Stoics valued strict emotional self-control, and thought that people ought to be content even in the most miserable of circumstances. Both belief systems also espouse many other beliefs which I do not adhere to, but I felt it necessary to mention them for the sake of quelling any latent curiosity.

In the case of porn addiction, strong desire leads to compulsive habits which in turn produce a host of physical, emotional, mental, and social issues. By the sheer virtue of being on this site, most readers will likely be familiar with at least one of these issues, which I need not enumerate. The other way this desire leads to suffering is also very familiar. When we choose not to watch porn, we are faced with persistent urges, and defeating them becomes a difficult and taxing mental struggle. Hypothetically, if this desire did not exist in the first place, we would not have to worry about either of these two modes of suffering which result from it. And that is precisely the goal - every successful abstinence effort must necessarily result in the attenuation of desire for the thing being renounced. In other words, what every recovered addict has in common is that their desire for the thing is not nearly as strong as it used to be. So how can we get there? There are many ways, but the indifference method is possibly the most direct, though perhaps not the easiest. It attempts to stifle our addiction at the most basic level - by wilfully neutralizing the desire that causes us to suffer.



Explanation of the method

We have established that desire for porn leads to inevitable suffering. We want to suffer as little as possible. Naturally, it follows that we should have an interest in curbing this desire. I will now attempt to demonstrate how this can be done philosophically. By this, I mean that you will need to actually change how you view yourself and the world around you. Specifically, you will need to adhere to a principle which fits neatly into a single word – indifference. How do you achieve indifference? You must take something you care about and stop caring about it. Simple enough. Now it sounds extreme, but you can apply this thought process to every attitude or desire you have about anything. In fact, I recommend that you do apply it universally, for the sake of consistency (I will explain my reasoning for this in more detail later). Yes, this means you need to literally stop caring about things - preferably all things.

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That's right. However, you do not have to sit under a tree and meditate for the rest of your life. You can live as you would normally. Only your perspective needs to change.

The method works like this: try to systematically reduce all of your attitudes (especially desires) to those of indifference. This way, your actions will no longer be based on emotions, which are unpredictable. Instead, they will be based upon some set of preeminent directives that you have established in order to achieve some arbitrary goal or goals. The directives are just commands (preferably simple ones) which will get you to that goal. One example would be the directive: "do not watch porn". The goal can be whatever you want, but it should be important enough for you to put yourself through this rigorous mental process. Being free from addiction, getting good grades, and being a better person are all valid examples of goals.

If you are clever, you might be thinking: "But @FellatiousD, if I'm supposed to remove all desires, doesn’t that include the desire to become a better person? You are a hippocrit!"

Yes, you will also be required to eliminate the desire to become a better person. Keep in mind that if you decide to use this method, you aren't abstaining from porn because you want to, but because that's simply what you've decided. You are still running the program – you have complete authority over what you choose your directives to be. Remember that this is all about your goals. It is an incredibly difficult mental exercise, but you are training yourself to be in control of your own behavior. Addiction takes control away from us and gives it to our urges, desires, and emotions. By replacing those thoughts with neutral ones, we are simply taking that control back.



Mantras

To test this method out, try thinking about something you desire right now and then try to stop desiring it. This can be incredibly difficult, but you can repeat various phrases (in your mind or with your voice) to help facilitate this change of attitude. Some examples are:

• “I could take it or leave it”
• “I don't have a preference”
• “Life is great with or without it”
• “Doesn't bother me”
• “I'm fine either way”, or more bluntly,
• “I don’t care”

You could also simply shrug your shoulders and say "meh". Use these mantras as often as you need. Don't be surprised if, on a difficult day, you find yourself repeating them more times than you can count.

The following is of utmost importance. Though these phrases may begin as mantras, they must aspire to genuine belief. Your aim is for these words to reflect what you actually believe in your mind. You may use them initially as reminders, but given enough time you should no longer feel the need to repeat them at all. After a while (don't ask me how long), you will achieve a state that looks similar to this:

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Doubts

At first you may have thoughts which conflict with your attitude of indifference. We will call these doubts. Some examples include: "but I want it", "but it's so fun", "it's really hard to live without it". These are valid arguments, but not the kind we want to accept as justification for poor habits. It is critical to defeat these thoughts as soon as you become aware of them, in order to reinforce the proper mindset. Use the mantras to battle these doubts, and remind yourself that you will be okay if you do not participate in PMO or whatever else you are trying to avoid.



Urges

Unlike doubts, urges are not arguments. They are spontaneous, involuntary commands which conflict with the directives you've chosen for yourself. An example of an urge would be: "watch porn." This conflicts with the directive: "do not watch porn". This is problematic because you cannot defeat urges with reason the same way you can with doubts. These thoughts will happen no matter what. Sometimes you can escape them by physicaly moving to a new location, or doing some small chore that takes a minute or two. The point of this is to practice the mental habit of disengaging from urges rather than entertaining them. You don't have to immediately act on an urge in order to be harmed by it. They succeed whenever they coincide with a lapse of judgement, and unfortunately, humans are very prone to poor judgement. The longer you let an urge reside in your mental space, the higher the chance that it will influence your decision-making. The goal is to reduce these urges as much as possible (which will happen with time) and to have a reliable method of disengaging from them when they inevitably return.



Why you should (try to) apply this method universally

Remember, you want to genuinely not desire anything in order for this method to function optimally. If you only apply it to PMO then you may begin to wonder: "why am I not allowed to desire porn, but I am allowed to desire other things?" Once that happens, you will begin to affirm your doubts. And if the doubts win, this entire process falls apart. If you are unable to stop caring about most things, you should at least try to eliminate as many desires as possible.



How to use this method

Here are some situations where your beliefs will need to be modified in order to achieve indifference. It's fairly straightforward, but you need to be persistent about it. Very persistent.

“Man, I really want to watch porn right now.” >>> “But I’m fine without it.”

“I hate Mondays.” >>> “I have no problem with Mondays.”

“The weather is beautiful today!” >>> “The weather exists today.”

“Damn, this cold weather sucks!” >>> “The cold doesn’t bother me.”

“She’s so hot, I would love to get her number.” >>> “I could get her number or I couldn’t, neither decision would interest me any more than the other.”

“Woah, that girl has a nice body.” >>> “There is no more reason for me to look at her body than any other thing in this room.”

“Fuck, I spilled my coffee again.” >>> “Why do I care?”

“I want to” >>> “I will/I won’t”

As you can see, you should neutralize both positive and negative expressions. And that’s perfectly fine - you don’t have to become a nihilist; you just need to stop caring. Eventually, the phrases on the left side of the above list will stop entering your mind to begin with, and you will only think in terms of the phrases on the right side.

You can also try to meditate and practice mindfulness. There are many ways to accomplish this, and I encourage you to investigate them independently. Try taking a cold shower without expressing any negative emotions which might typically result from the discomfort of the cold on your skin. Instead, forget that discomfort even exists as an idea.

Yet another approach to achieving the proper mindset is to wait for a desire, concern, or emotion to enter your mind, or come up with one yourself. Then ask yourself questions like: “why should I care?”, “is this attitude justified?”, “can I define that?”, “how do I know?” repeatedly, and try to answer as many of them as possible as honestly as possible. If you really want to mess with your brain, you can also ask yourself questions such as:

• "what am I?"
  
• "what are thoughts?"
  
• "what is truth?"
• "what is knowledge?"
• "what is belief?"
  
• "what is non-belief?"
  
• "what is existence?"
• "what is reality?"
• "what is good?"
• "what is evil?"

Hopefully you will get to some interesting conclusions. Or maybe you won’t get to any conclusion at all. But you will certainly experience a thorough mindfuck, which at the very least might distract you long enough for your urges to go away.

Either way, I hope you got something out of reading this.


... You didn't even read it? Well, fuck.





Kindest Regards,
Dick Dingus

TL;DR lmao just stop caring stoopid

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No problem, thanks for the bump. Maybe someone will read this mess someday, I can only hope

 

Wow thanks!