The Inferiority Complex (for people struggling with sissy pornography)

Inferiority/inadequency/ongoing comparing - it's all related to the overarching emotion called shame.

Most, if not all, addicts, have an underlying feeling of shame that drives them toward acting out.

I, personally, did not act out with sissy porn like you did, but I absolutely have shame that drove me to other forms of acting out using pornography.

my goal is to find the sources of that shame and work on them - using my therapist and SAA group - to eventually learn to love myself and my emotions so I don't have to use unhealthy coping mechanisms.

 

How are you doing brother.

It's wonderful to hear that you've managed to gain some perspective, are in the process of finding your way out, and rediscovering who you truly are at your core. I think this issue is certainly a complex one, and I think it is only within the scope of each individual to understand for himself the path that he has walked and what perspective he has gained from it. That being said, I certainly believe there are a lot of elements that overlap. From my perspective, I can certainly vouch for the inferiority complex/self-esteem issues. I believe that this is at the core of the men who fall into this side of addiction. Men who don't believe in themselves, have never fought or achieved to their potential, have no self-love, and are living in a world of guilt, shame, and believe that they are worth no more than what they are.

I'm also a fan of Goldjacket Luke. I've drawn huge inspiration from the man, especially when he achieved 830 days or so. I definitely stand by what he says, as well as what modern research is showing on porn's effects on the brain. It definitely has the capabilities to completely warp the perceptions of someone's mind to the darkest extremes. Sissy porn, I believe, is the last house on the left. If you don't find your way back, you're done for. However, we can find our way back. It was extremely difficult, painful, and it will require everything you've got, but it can be done. I think that is also why sissy porn is so evil, as it messes up your head to the point where you believe that it's permanent, that it is who you are. It preys on, and creates perpetual vortex's of fear. This addiction to me, is simply an intricate interaction of human physiology, and acting on the emotions of fear and lust. I was already a fearful and cowardly person, and this just fed it and compounded it tenfold.

The best antidote we have to this thing, I believe starts with personal courage and a relationship with God or a higher power. When I am connected to God, through prayer, meditation, mantra's, and principled living, my fear is eradicated. After this new sense of power, and a clearer mind, I realized my whole life needed to be different, which was to finally stand on my own two feet, and truly take responsibility for, and control of my life. For me, my whole life I was weak. I didn't believe in myself, never faced my problems, never tried my best, always gave into fear instead of pushing through it, never listened to my conscience, never gave of myself to others, or loved others.

When we change our lives, and change the men that we are at our core, this whole thing slowly but surely starves and fades away. With each day that passes, that old behaviour is more and more out of character for the man that I have become. I have now just beaten my longest streak. I have broken through pretty much every barrier of my life, that my sissy porn addicted brain and warped perception didn't think was possible.

For anyone that is in the thick of this thing, paralyzed by fear, uncertain of what to think, who they are, what is going, what their sexuality is, or if this thing will ever go away. Just know that there is a solution. Just know that you aren't alone, I wanted to end my life because of it, and I can promise you, you CAN get out of this. This isn't permanent, if YOU DECIDE so. This is in YOUR hands. The illusion of the brainwashing of this porn is that you believe that your power is gone, that you're just a victim of fate and that you can never recover. I promise you, you can! Do not listen to your mind, it is lying to you. Whatever bullshit it tells you. As you change as a man, and the more time you stay on Nofap, your head will clear, more and more, and you CAN heal. Your life can be different. You have created the bars of your own mental prison, and you are the only person who has the keys to let himself out.

What practical things can you do to get out of this:

1. Cold showers - Twice a day, every day, no exceptions. It will help you physiologically to fight urges, and will build your discipline and courage
2. Meditation - This is crucial, it will clear your head of all the bullshit, and will give you the strength to get through the day
3. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - You have to change the entire way that you live your live. Get stuck in. Face your problems, listen to your conscience, and begin to act on it. Your gut feel will not lie to you. You cannot think your way out of the place that you're in. Only daily disciplined action can get you out of this.
4. Build healthy relationships with other people - Human connection is essential to a healthy and happy life, and you can turn to others for support in your darkest moments
5. Kundalini Yoga - Research it, and do it. There are 30 minute videos available on Youtube, no excuses, out of all the tools I have tried, this will help you the most and the fastest. It will change your life. Do IT!
6. Take long walks
7. Set a vision for yourself of the man you desire to be, and what you wish to achieve in this life. If you do not set goals or a vision, you'll drift around aimlessly, not sure of where to go, or what to do with yourself.
8. Prayer - You might not believe in God, but trust me, if you're in as dark a place and in as much pain as I was, you'll get on your knees and ask for help, without God, I could not have gotten out of this thing.
9. Mantra's - Mantra's are ancient chants, the very frequencies of the vibrations are divine. Repeat: "Om Namah Shiva Ya" 108 times a day, as many times a day as you can, and I promise you your mind will begin to clear, and you'll find yourself connected to new power.

Good luck gents! You can do this! Stay strong, do no give up. There is a way out. This is IN YOUR HANDS. I can show you the tools, it's up to you to take the action and change your perceptions. It works if you walk the road. God speed all.

 

Hello, I am writing here because I am still don't know how to start a forum.
While trying to discover where my sissy/cuckold fetish started I am starting to remember that I used to fantasize about stuff like this even before porn (defitnley not as hardcore as sissy hypno videos. but they were the same genre I would say. like being forced to smell a womans armpits(Its so weird, and I cringe so hard thinking about that.)) I have been reading about natural fetishes and porn induced fetishes. Does that mean that my fetish is natural and I can not get rid of it? Also I feel like this is not me in anyway, like when its real life If if I ever see a woman walking in the street and think about here cuckolding me, I am always like "Fuck no, I am an alpha" but when I am at home on the phone and I get one thought about cuckolding It turns me on. I really don't know what to do. I would literally rather die than live life with this disgusting fetish. I fucking despise it. I really need some serious help on rewiring or removing this shit from my brain. I am currently on day 37 of NoFap but I still get thought of sissy and I do get turned on but I shrug them of really fast so I do not relapse. Please any tips you have would help.

 

It is definitely true that porn "induces" fetishes and desires into people, while others are innate and rather permanent. However, while you are hooked on porn, and even during a reboot, it is very hard to discern whether your desires are innate or porn-induced.

My advice would be this:

1. Continue on your reboot, which you've already made great progress on! Shrugging off those porn urges is great work and will help your recovery immensely.

2. During your reboot, try to spark romantic and sexual relationships with women. Talk, flirt, go on dates, hang in groups, etc. If things progress, get intimate to the point of kissing, cuddling, and going down on girls. HOWEVER, you can't involve your penis in any sexual act, including masturbation, handjobs, blowjobs, or sex. Your mind needs to heal, and being sexually stimulated during your reboot will not help.

3. Once your reboot is over (90 days total), wait until you're feeling good one day, and start having sex. It probably won't feel great at first, and you probably won't be super hard, but over time it gets better. It is ideal to be having sex consistently for 2-3 months, so I suggest getting a gf or starting some sort of monogamous relationship. Rule of thumb for sex is keep doing it if it feels good, stop if it doesn't. Don't rush yourself or your partner.

4. At this point, you've probably forgotten about sissy porn or these other desires altogether. For how consuming and addictive sissy porn is, it pales in comparison to the fulfillment and satisfaction of a real relationship with real sex.

If your sex life feels fine, then don't change it! Keep having fun and doing what you're doing. After a severe porn addiction, a normal sex life is what the large majority of us prefer.

If you want to explore some more exotic values, go ahead, but tread lightly. Whatever you do, DON'T START WATCHING PORN AGAIN. Otherwise, discover your desires with your partner as you please. Make sure to have good communication, and that there's no ambiguity or confusion about your desires or how you're going to fulfill them. Don't feel embarrassed about the things turn you on, but don't pursue anything that causes distress, fear, disgust, or feelings of unworthiness or humiliation. Everything should be done with love, care, and support.