The Inferiority Complex (for people struggling with sissy pornography)

[NH-OLH]

Hey guys! Ok, so I have written a post before about my journey and my realisations when it comes to my sissy and trans related porn problem, if you'd like to read that, here it is (Link: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/my-sissy-and-trans-porn-story.240717/#post-2148355). I am writing this particular post to see if this resonates with people who have this problem and if it does, please share it in the comments below.

Now, in the previous post that I just linked, I talk about how I absolutely agree that quitting porn, and even doing nofap can help you to bring your dopamine receptors back to normal levels, and what you crave or desire sexually also goes back to a more natural state, and the need for porn won't be so strong, and it will be better for your relationships and for your life etc. So let me just make this clear......I agree with that.

However, I don't think it's just that simple with everyone, especially with the people who have this sissy hypnosis issue. I think that there are deeper emotional issues because, well, I had this problem myself (and that is not me implying that my porn problem is any more “special” than other peoples, I have had someone accuse me of this before). And I have come to realise certain things about it. I remember there was an interview that GoldJacketLuke (who is basically an expert nofap YouTuber) presented to me, about getting over porn, I am terribly sorry I can't find the link to this interview, he has so many videos now and I forgot which one I watched that led me to this specific interview, but I'll try and re-locate it later on and put it in the comments section if I can. Now, in the interview, the guy said that many guys get addicted to porn because they are in pain (assuming that is emotional pain). So what he gets his clients to do, is to close there eyes, and think of their hottest fantasy (I suppose I should say that if you're alone and you try this, be careful, you don't want to trigger yourself), and then when they have thought of it, he gets them to let the imagery of the fantasy fade away, and only stay with the FEELING that is associated with that fantasy. I thought this was quite clever because if there are other things that tempt me into my addiction, I would want to know about it.

So I did this, I imagined my hottest fantasy, and for some reason, the feelings that come up for me were jealousy and resentment towards women. Some form of “women have something that I don't have and it makes me feel less than as a man”. That was the first time I was able to put what I had been emotionally feeling into words and to make it a little more clear. It had been a subconscious thing for the longest time and I was never conscious of it. Now, there was still a lot of work to be done (at least for me there was), but it was nice to gain some clarity because I was suspicious for a long time that the pornography perhaps wasn't the ONLY root problem here, but maybe there was more going on.

At the time the best wording I could come up with for what I was feeling was “I feel jealousy and envy over the desirability of women”. I felt this when I watched porn, I felt this during certain relationships and sexual encounters with women when I saw them wearing thongs, I felt this when going to the beach and seeing women in revealing bikinis. But I was trying to find the specific word that describes this overall feeling. Was it insecurity? Not really because I don't feel insecure about myself as a man. Was it a lack of self-esteem? Again not really what I was feeling. Feeling less than as a man is what the feeling was and then I eventually realised that INFERIOR was the best word to describe it, I felt inferior towards a women's desirability. Which meant I was suffering from what's known as an inferiority complex. And I guess a form of comparanoia, constantly comparing yourself to others (in the case, women's desirability) and feeling inferior because of that. Wikipedia says “An inferiority complex may cause an individual to overcompensate for their perceived weaknesses.”. Notice is says “PERCEIVED weakness”, which is a very accurate description for what I was doing and feeling. I caused myself to believe that I, as a man, I am less desirable than a women. And it made me feel less than as a man.

So here is my question, for those of you who suffer from this addiction with sissy hypno and pornography etc. Do you resonate with this? Do you think that you have an inferiority complex in regards to women? Does a women’s desirability make you feel less than as a man, therefore make you feel the desire and the need to be like a women and/or to contend with her desirability? Perhaps it is the desirability of a women or maybe it's other aspects of women too. If you do resonate with this and you feel that what I have said in this post is relate-able. Please let me know in the comments section below if there is something you'd like to add then feel more than free to do so because we are all here for each other. I am writing this because I have been talking to someone who struggles with the sissy hypno fetish and he very much agreed that an inferiority complex was part of his problem too. So we figured that we both share this feeling, then it could possibly be the case for many others.

Thanks so much for reading this, if you'd like to talk with me in person, you're more than welcome to send a PM and we can go from there. I will post again because I did continue and am continuing to do this “inner work” I guess you could call it. And I just want to share what's helped me tremendously. Once again feel free to check out my other post if you want, stay strong my friend, don't give up on yourself, and I invite you not to take this life journey without God, he will help you.

Much love to you!

 

[Trobone]

Inferiority/inadequency/ongoing comparing - it's all related to the overarching emotion called shame.

Most, if not all, addicts, have an underlying feeling of shame that drives them toward acting out.

I, personally, did not act out with sissy porn like you did, but I absolutely have shame that drove me to other forms of acting out using pornography.

my goal is to find the sources of that shame and work on them - using my therapist and SAA group - to eventually learn to love myself and my emotions so I don't have to use unhealthy coping mechanisms.

 

[Spiritual Redemption]

How are you doing brother.

It's wonderful to hear that you've managed to gain some perspective, are in the process of finding your way out, and rediscovering who you truly are at your core. I think this issue is certainly a complex one, and I think it is only within the scope of each individual to understand for himself the path that he has walked and what perspective he has gained from it. That being said, I certainly believe there are a lot of elements that overlap. From my perspective, I can certainly vouch for the inferiority complex/self-esteem issues. I believe that this is at the core of the men who fall into this side of addiction. Men who don't believe in themselves, have never fought or achieved to their potential, have no self-love, and are living in a world of guilt, shame, and believe that they are worth no more than what they are.

I'm also a fan of Goldjacket Luke. I've drawn huge inspiration from the man, especially when he achieved 830 days or so. I definitely stand by what he says, as well as what modern research is showing on porn's effects on the brain. It definitely has the capabilities to completely warp the perceptions of someone's mind to the darkest extremes. Sissy porn, I believe, is the last house on the left. If you don't find your way back, you're done for. However, we can find our way back. It was extremely difficult, painful, and it will require everything you've got, but it can be done. I think that is also why sissy porn is so evil, as it messes up your head to the point where you believe that it's permanent, that it is who you are. It preys on, and creates perpetual vortex's of fear. This addiction to me, is simply an intricate interaction of human physiology, and acting on the emotions of fear and lust. I was already a fearful and cowardly person, and this just fed it and compounded it tenfold.

The best antidote we have to this thing, I believe starts with personal courage and a relationship with God or a higher power. When I am connected to God, through prayer, meditation, mantra's, and principled living, my fear is eradicated. After this new sense of power, and a clearer mind, I realized my whole life needed to be different, which was to finally stand on my own two feet, and truly take responsibility for, and control of my life. For me, my whole life I was weak. I didn't believe in myself, never faced my problems, never tried my best, always gave into fear instead of pushing through it, never listened to my conscience, never gave of myself to others, or loved others.

When we change our lives, and change the men that we are at our core, this whole thing slowly but surely starves and fades away. With each day that passes, that old behaviour is more and more out of character for the man that I have become. I have now just beaten my longest streak. I have broken through pretty much every barrier of my life, that my sissy porn addicted brain and warped perception didn't think was possible.

For anyone that is in the thick of this thing, paralyzed by fear, uncertain of what to think, who they are, what is going, what their sexuality is, or if this thing will ever go away. Just know that there is a solution. Just know that you aren't alone, I wanted to end my life because of it, and I can promise you, you CAN get out of this. This isn't permanent, if YOU DECIDE so. This is in YOUR hands. The illusion of the brainwashing of this porn is that you believe that your power is gone, that you're just a victim of fate and that you can never recover. I promise you, you can! Do not listen to your mind, it is lying to you. Whatever bullshit it tells you. As you change as a man, and the more time you stay on Nofap, your head will clear, more and more, and you CAN heal. Your life can be different. You have created the bars of your own mental prison, and you are the only person who has the keys to let himself out.

What practical things can you do to get out of this:

1. Cold showers - Twice a day, every day, no exceptions. It will help you physiologically to fight urges, and will build your discipline and courage
2. Meditation - This is crucial, it will clear your head of all the bullshit, and will give you the strength to get through the day
3. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - You have to change the entire way that you live your live. Get stuck in. Face your problems, listen to your conscience, and begin to act on it. Your gut feel will not lie to you. You cannot think your way out of the place that you're in. Only daily disciplined action can get you out of this.
4. Build healthy relationships with other people - Human connection is essential to a healthy and happy life, and you can turn to others for support in your darkest moments
5. Kundalini Yoga - Research it, and do it. There are 30 minute videos available on Youtube, no excuses, out of all the tools I have tried, this will help you the most and the fastest. It will change your life. Do IT!
6. Take long walks
7. Set a vision for yourself of the man you desire to be, and what you wish to achieve in this life. If you do not set goals or a vision, you'll drift around aimlessly, not sure of where to go, or what to do with yourself.
8. Prayer - You might not believe in God, but trust me, if you're in as dark a place and in as much pain as I was, you'll get on your knees and ask for help, without God, I could not have gotten out of this thing.
9. Mantra's - Mantra's are ancient chants, the very frequencies of the vibrations are divine. Repeat: "Om Namah Shiva Ya" 108 times a day, as many times a day as you can, and I promise you your mind will begin to clear, and you'll find yourself connected to new power.

Good luck gents! You can do this! Stay strong, do no give up. There is a way out. This is IN YOUR HANDS. I can show you the tools, it's up to you to take the action and change your perceptions. It works if you walk the road. God speed all.

 

[NH-OLH]

I definitely agree Trobone, our addiction causes so much shame. I really hope that you find the sources of that shame because I bet you have so much to offer. And shame which only leads to an addiction will hold you back. Keep working at it man.

 

[NH-OLH]

Spiritual redemption........what an inspiration you are man. I am so happy and stoked to hear that you chose to fight for your life and find your way on the other side of this addiction. And I am glad that you resonate with the inferioty apect of this post at least a bit. I think we must take some time out of our day to get to the root of this problem and shine a light on it for others so that they can heal too. And that is why I am making this post.

I will eventually mke another post about irrational limiting beliefs and changing them to rational healthy beliefs. Basically, I am just trying to share all of the stuff that has helped me, and I hope it can help others too. Once again, thank you so much for the reply and if you'd ever like to chat further, feel more than free to PM me

 

[IMDONE1234]

Hello, I am writing here because I am still don't know how to start a forum.
While trying to discover where my sissy/cuckold fetish started I am starting to remember that I used to fantasize about stuff like this even before porn (defitnley not as hardcore as sissy hypno videos. but they were the same genre I would say. like being forced to smell a womans armpits(Its so weird, and I cringe so hard thinking about that.)) I have been reading about natural fetishes and porn induced fetishes. Does that mean that my fetish is natural and I can not get rid of it? Also I feel like this is not me in anyway, like when its real life If if I ever see a woman walking in the street and think about here cuckolding me, I am always like "Fuck no, I am an alpha" but when I am at home on the phone and I get one thought about cuckolding It turns me on. I really don't know what to do. I would literally rather die than live life with this disgusting fetish. I fucking despise it. I really need some serious help on rewiring or removing this shit from my brain. I am currently on day 37 of NoFap but I still get thought of sissy and I do get turned on but I shrug them of really fast so I do not relapse. Please any tips you have would help.

 

[modernstore99]

Hello, I am writing here because I am still don't know how to start a forum.
While trying to discover where my sissy/cuckold fetish started I am starting to remember that I used to fantasize about stuff like this even before porn (defitnley not as hardcore as sissy hypno videos. but they were the same genre I would say. like being forced to smell a womans armpits(Its so weird, and I cringe so hard thinking about that.)) I have been reading about natural fetishes and porn induced fetishes. Does that mean that my fetish is natural and I can not get rid of it? Also I feel like this is not me in anyway, like when its real life If if I ever see a woman walking in the street and think about here cuckolding me, I am always like "Fuck no, I am an alpha" but when I am at home on the phone and I get one thought about cuckolding It turns me on. I really don't know what to do. I would literally rather die than live life with this disgusting fetish. I fucking despise it. I really need some serious help on rewiring or removing this shit from my brain. I am currently on day 37 of NoFap but I still get thought of sissy and I do get turned on but I shrug them of really fast so I do not relapse. Please any tips you have would help.

It is definitely true that porn "induces" fetishes and desires into people, while others are innate and rather permanent. However, while you are hooked on porn, and even during a reboot, it is very hard to discern whether your desires are innate or porn-induced.

My advice would be this:

1. Continue on your reboot, which you've already made great progress on! Shrugging off those porn urges is great work and will help your recovery immensely.

2. During your reboot, try to spark romantic and sexual relationships with women. Talk, flirt, go on dates, hang in groups, etc. If things progress, get intimate to the point of kissing, cuddling, and going down on girls. HOWEVER, you can't involve your penis in any sexual act, including masturbation, handjobs, blowjobs, or sex. Your mind needs to heal, and being sexually stimulated during your reboot will not help.

3. Once your reboot is over (90 days total), wait until you're feeling good one day, and start having sex. It probably won't feel great at first, and you probably won't be super hard, but over time it gets better. It is ideal to be having sex consistently for 2-3 months, so I suggest getting a gf or starting some sort of monogamous relationship. Rule of thumb for sex is keep doing it if it feels good, stop if it doesn't. Don't rush yourself or your partner.

4. At this point, you've probably forgotten about sissy porn or these other desires altogether. For how consuming and addictive sissy porn is, it pales in comparison to the fulfillment and satisfaction of a real relationship with real sex.

If your sex life feels fine, then don't change it! Keep having fun and doing what you're doing. After a severe porn addiction, a normal sex life is what the large majority of us prefer.

If you want to explore some more exotic values, go ahead, but tread lightly. Whatever you do, DON'T START WATCHING PORN AGAIN. Otherwise, discover your desires with your partner as you please. Make sure to have good communication, and that there's no ambiguity or confusion about your desires or how you're going to fulfill them. Don't feel embarrassed about the things turn you on, but don't pursue anything that causes distress, fear, disgust, or feelings of unworthiness or humiliation. Everything should be done with love, care, and support.

 

[NH-OLH]

Definitely agree modernstore99 the porn doesn't help at all, thank you so much for commenting and helping a fellow brother. And IMDONE1234, I am glad that you're trying to be more aware of the beginings of this problem. And I know it's so hard to go back and think about the things you fantasized about, believe me I felt the same way about some of the things I watched, thought about and even did. In fact, pat yourself on the back for sharing this man, that is extremely brave of you.

I find it very interesting because you mentioned 2 things.
1. Being forced to do something that people would deem as unappealing.
2. Having a fantasy to be cuckolded when thinking about it at home, but going out in everyday life and seeing women, you find that you don't actually have that desire.

I see a pattern here, both acts are linked or at least can be linked to humiliation (not jumping to conclusions, just saying it's what I just noticed about what you wrote).

If you want, I would be more than happy to talk over a mobile app like whatsapp or kik if you need someone to talk to. There is something I was trying to write here but it's too difficult to explain lol. So just let me know man. And don't give up, I believe in you, you can do this man!