THE INTERSTELLAR CHALLENGE !

Day 5 - Drone Catcher

I wrote a letter to God today, and I realized I was really angry, but it also released a lot of pent up feelings and allowed me to mourn my setbacks and past. Now I will have to be very careful tonight and tomorrow, because when I have a release of emotion, it makes me want to PMO or MO to cover up the discomfort. So no YouTube for the next 48 hours.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

I'll be praying for you brother. Try get out for a walk. Just a little exercise can really help!

 

Haven't been here in a while, a lot of relapses this year. I'm in a different mood this time, I'll try to check in here along the challenge and Cooper's journey.

Day 1 is done, the crops are being seeded

 

Thank you. I am still clean. I forgot to take my meds last night, which meant no sleeping pill, so I had insomnia all night. I believe I fell asleep from 2-3am as there is a blank spot in my memory and then I was up from 3-4:20AM and then I slept another 40 minutes until my 5am alarm went off. Closed my eyes a little while longer and then got up and talked to my friend until about ten minutes ago. It is not almost 7am, and I am feeling clammy and loopy from a lack of sleep, but I have a whole day planned out ahead of me. I am eating breakfast, and then it is onto cleaning the kitty litter boxes with some dancing thrown in for good measure, and then a cold shower and I have a Spanish class at 9am and a job interview from 10-11:30AM -it is a math exam to test my knowledge of elementary math knowledge through algebra 1 in high school, which is why it is 90 minutes. I am not worried though, I have been teaching math for years, and I know all of the stuff I am going to be tested on. I am pretty confident that I will get this job, so this is more of a formality, but I obviously do not want to mess up ratios, fractions, and the like or I will not get the job (and bring dishonor upon myself ).

No urges to PMO or MO, so I think my precautions are going well. I did watch some YouTube during the waking hours which I said I would not, but I was cognizant enough to be aware of any urges. Still, it was risky as I am sleep deprived now, however, I am starting my day and looking forward to getting to day six this evening. It is really hot in Wisconsin right now (I mean maybe not at 7am, but today will be quite warm), so I am not sure if I will be going out. But I will be dancing this morning for half an hour or so, so there is that. I will also keep in touch with accountability partners both on and off this site, and I definitely prayed a lot during the night. Did not receive any clarity, but it was enough to help through the night.

Anyway, good morning.
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 6

I took a nap this afternoon as I did not sleep during the night, and once I have my sleeping pill tonight, I am sure I will be out like a light. No urges today. Was sorta expecting them, but it was welcome nonetheless. I got quite a bit done today despite watching tv with my sister. I am actually having fulfilling conversations with my sister a lot recently. Our relationship has been rocky for years now, but we are actually bonding and it feels great. Not going to completely credit this current streak, but I will credit my actions that are leading to better conversations and in turn my actions are reducing PMO and MO. It is only day 6, but every journey starts with a step and that includes recovery. I feel like I have had so much clarity in the last few days even as I assume I am probably flatlining. Would not mind flatlining for the next 84 days, though I doubt that I will be so lucky.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 2, putting the farming machines to work

 

Day 7 - Had a really good Spanish class today. It was just me and the teacher and I got to practice asking and giving directions with a mini map. I will be two weeks free from porn on Sunday, and while MO is definitely bad, I think that separating myself from the porn and fantasies for a few days while I still acted out has made the urge to PMO much lower, and also realizing that the MO was due to anxiety really helped me realize that a lot of my actions are due to coping and not with any real desire to PMO or MO. It is a great lesson and on Monday, I will be finding co-ordinates for the first time in a couple months which feels great.

best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 3, controlling bugs and plagues in the crops

 

Great news ! Keep it up your moving forward nicely.

 

Day 4, had almost literally a day as an actual farmer, planting flowers in my garden

 

Day 7.
Been out chasing drones today.
Have had a nice clear head. Even took a cold shower this morning.

 

Day 8.75

Just 1 day and 4 hours until I am finding co-ordinates. Got to meet @hoping_cannon virtually last night while playing Among Us which was a nice surprise. Would not have known it was him had he not had his user name as Hoping_Cannon, so I introduced myself (as my username was my irl name, Alexander).

The last couple days have been kind of lazy with me getting up late, but my ultimate goal is to get to bed at 9pm and up at 5am for a full 8 hours of sleep. Then I want to stretch and dance for 5-10 minutes, then take a cold shower and then meditate for 10-20 minutes. After that, I want to plan out my schedule for the day and read some Stephen King and the Bible until 7AM when I make breakfast (I plan to be drinking water during this time as that is highly recommended). Then I will take my Spanish class at 8AM (or 11am for tomorrow, in which case I will practice German from 8-9am). For the 8am classes, I will write from 9-11am. Then I will have an hour of German/any appointments I have at that time.. At noon, I will eat lunch. At 1pm I will work on my recovery plan for half and hour to an hour/practicing recovery techniques. From 2-6pm I will work on studying for my proficiency exams in august. 6-7pm dinner. 7-9pm bed time routine, no devices, do some journalling and reading. 9pm-5am bed.

That is my routine plan for this week, and then I will post on here next Sunday my routine plan for the following week. I figure if I post my routine for each week, I will be more likely to accomplish it. I am really bad at getting up at 5am, and then when I do, at about 9-10am I crash, so I will need to stay awake at that time and figure out how to reinvigorate at 9am. Hopefully if I am writing at 9am, that I will be much more awake.

I had a couple of relapse dreams last night where I looked at P and edged, and I feel like I was really close to a WD, but I woke up only with a full bladder and no relapse, no WD. I was definitely relieved, and now I am heading into another day clean hard mode.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Excellent work mathman! Your doing great

 

Day 5, had to fix the machines for a strange magnetic anomally was bringing them close to the house

 

Day 6, we saw an indian drone while driving the way to school, it was very hard but we caught him, will be very useful in the farm

 

I am officially half a month free from P and 10 days Hard Mode. I am officially Finding Co-ordinates which feels great again. I had some urges to masturbate a few minutes ago, but I believe that has to do with me having a full bladder, so I am going to use the restroom after I get off here (minus my devices). I have not had too many urges to look at P or P-subs. The other day, I heard about some scandal on twitter (while I was on YouTube), and I went to look it up, but the scandal was already almost a year old when I heard about it, so I found nothing, which was good, because the scandal was about this woman who causes a lot of trouble on twitter getting her account taken over, and from what I could tell, someone may have posted crude drawings of her on her page. Not sure why I even looked it up other than that I was curious and inching on dangerous ground. Anyway, that was almost a year ago when her account got taken over, so there was nothing to see other than her causing trouble again. I realized though that there are certain YouTubers I sometimes watch that discuss politics and media, and they can be triggering for me, so it is best not to watch them period. I will stick to watching Yugioh, Star Wars, and math videos from now on (though I only intend to use YouTube less than an hour a day for only four days a week). Have only been moderately successful with that though.

Life is going pretty well, and other than a few days ago when I decided to look on twitter, I have not come even close to crossing the line. No urges to view. Few urges to MO. I just hope I can keep this up because my mind will start to crave these things if I am not careful.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Had a reset, but different from most of them this time there was no porn involved, an "amber day instead of a red", because of that this time i feel stronger to start over