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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by hoping_cannon, Jul 15, 2020.
Far out boys. I didn't but I was quite close to searching up things. Must be this day. It always seems to be Sundays I fall. And today is a Sunday. And perhaps it's my melencholy playing tricks on my prefrontal cortex.
When I get this low I need to really remember how much I hate this stupid lie.
I was up all night until 6:30AM as I was unable to fill my night meds last night, so I did not take them. They will be filled tonight. I slept until 11:30AM so about 5 hours of sleep total. It was a restless sleep, but I find that I sleep better with the light of day than the dark of night. Not sure why. I never considered myself to be afraid of the dark, and yet, when I have insomnia from missing my meds, I am absolutely terrified. I did break my promise to myself about no media after 7PM. In fact I was on Youtube from about 1AM to 6:15AM trying to distract from the terror of the dark. Not healthy by any means and kind of risky, especially since I saw triggering stuff. Learned about some German military tech though, as for a brief moment of deliriousness, I went to search this one gamer woman, who is attractive, mistyped her name and learned about the German military. A blessing to say the least. I did not do more searching after that. Heck, I do not even recall all that I searched and watched. A lot of comedy videos and social critique videos. Not the sort I have found triggering in the past. Still very risky, and I intend to hold to my "no devices rule" after 7PM from this day forward. That means no email, no social media, no games, or anything of that sort. Just me and some quiet time with a gratitude journal and a book.
Tomorrow is a new day when I rise and start another week of work.
had mild urges but i did not act on it. did a 25 mins boxing exercise and it was fun XD
i think exercising helps me to defeat the urges easier compared to when i did not exercise.
I am making progress. Accomplished all of my goals yesterday (other than getting up early). I am on track to accomplish my goals today too. Other that of course getting up with my alarm. I went to bed at 9:30PM and got out of bed at 8:15AM. Slept almost 12 hours which is not ideal. I am working now, though taking some time to post on here. I did not binge after Friday's relapse and the chaser effect seems to be subsiding. I am still struggling with with getting up when my alarm goes off as I said, and it is not like I am not getting enough sleep. If I got up with my alarm, I would have about 9-9.5 hours of sleep which is about what my body needs. However, I am sleeping more than that. How do I reset my sleep schedule to get a healthy amount of sleep without sleeping around 11 hours because if I get to bed at midnight, I sleep 11 hours. In fact I sleep about 11 hours a night on average. but that is about half the day in sleep, and I would rather have about 9 hours of sleep at night and have a productive morning before work at 8:30AM.
Drone Catcher.. Let's go..
today was solid, i finished my project which is due tomorrow and i read Bible with a friend and pastor in the afternoon. i started cooking again, it's been a few weeks since i last made a good meal for myself so im glad i did it . i wanted to sleep but i havent exercised yet so i did a 20 mins abs workout then took a cold shower. i saw a lot of weird stuff today, why do i keep exposing myself to these potential triggers ;-;
It's a bittersweet reunion to be back diving into this wormhole.
Time has ceased to change. And it is just a state of being. A sort of stasis if you will.
A wise man name Theophrastus once said.
"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend."
I didn't quite understand what that meant back then. But floating in this dark never ending abyss, I now understand what he meant.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Do not remove yourself from the good fight.
Become who you've always been destined to be. You are not a weakling, you are a warrior and you will defeat this thing. What awaits me on this other side of this spiraling vortex I do not know, strange as it may be I am not afraid of unknowns.
Do not go gentle into that good night. Go on forward in that good fight.
Someone on a different challenge commented that my body may naturally need 11 hours of sleep right now, especially since I got to bed at 9:15PM last night and I slept until 8:20AM. As such, I am going to try to be in bed by 8/8:30PM the next few nights to see if I can get up between 6:30AM and 7:30AM for the next few days. My nights are wholly unproductive, so going to bed at 8PM is not such a big deal. And if I get up early, then my mornings will be more productive, and even though I will work most of the day, I will still be able to accomplish little things here and there. Work has not been very busy, so I have accomplished a lot during the between times waiting for students. Last night I created a points/rewards/bonus/punishment system to organize my life around. I get points for daily tasks I find enrich my life, like reading, journaling, gratitudes, porn recovery activities, language practice, meditation, exercise, and cold showers. Those are all worth 1 point. I get 20 points for accomplishing daily tasks and I get points for accomplishing weekly goals. I get a point for everyday clean, as well as bonus points for certain streak lengths, and I lose points for relapses and resets. I also lose points in other areas like using Youtube or streaming services with spending points on them, or using my electronics after 7pm (except for recovery goals).
Then at the end of the week, if I have points saved up, I get bonus points as a reward for not spending them. If I have negative points, I have various chores based on how negative that I have to do in addition to my regular house chores. At the end of that week, if I met that goal, my point are paid off and any points I accrue from my main habits then add up, and I can spend them the next week. I also have some rewards that I can spend points on like time on Youtube or streaming services. Or I if I want to make a big purchase for leisure or play in a Yugioh event, then I need to spend 2 points for every dollar I spend on the paid fun activity/purchase. I was punishing myself for sleeping 11 hours, but I realize that since I sleep about 11 hours everynight for the last few weeks, that perhaps my body needs it, so I only take off points for going over 11 hours of sleep and naps. And I get points as a reward for only sleeping 8-11 hours a night instead. This way, I am more likely to meet my daily goals, and that will motivate me into the future. (and so far, being unable to watch Youtube has been alright, I am saving up for going to a couple of Yugioh tournaments the next two weekends.
Now that I have laid out my goals, I just want to say that day 3 is going better than day 0 and 1, and I have had few urges. Saw a picture of a woman showing stomach and it turned me on slightly, but I x-ed out of the picture and turned back to writing in my journal.
I did a 20+ mins hip-hop tabata workout today, at first i was so confused with the moves and all but at the end i was tired as heck! my legs are on fireeeee im gonna focus more on my upper body tomorrow.
just finished a 20 mins stretch (youtube follow along), did not train my upper body which i've been avoiding for so long. there's this program that im following and the reason why i dread it so much is because im afraid of the two exercises that involve a pull-up bar. not sure when im getting back to it ;-; i hope everyone is doing well!
Hey NoFap squad, I'm back. After a bit of hard work, I've just started my first Youtube channel called Eureka, which's about science intuition. If you see this message, I wish you can spend just a minute or so taking a look and support me. I also appreciate it if you can spread my channel among your friends. Anyway, it's just for fun, please do me a favour.
And wish everyone a NoFap success
Hello i want to join to this crusade to the unknown
Day 5 - Drone Catcher @hoping_cannon
I did not post yesterday. Spent about 3.5 hours at the urgent care to get seen about an ear ache. Turns out I have an external ear infection (swimmers' ear). I have not peeked or fished or touched myself at all, and this is feeling like the streak that I can beat my longest streak and make it to over a month. It is late, so I am going to bed.
Will post tomorrow!
Some urges but I'm still holding on, thank God.
Had a 20 mins dance workout, i feel very tired today idk why. i need to find ways to recharge myself, i thought abt pmo but deep inside me i was like hell no. im grateful for the ppl who helped me and everyone here, God bless.