day 25, i did my usual workout this morning, i woke up at 5:10AM school day went fine when i think of it... but i still have my obsessions, i talk to girls now and then, but i my awareness of myself is still strong. i had some dream about "love" before waking up... about my carefulness that i am attracted to someone, but i also need to fix the boat before i go sailing the stormy waters of human emotions... thank you.
day 26 workout at wake up, at 5:XX AM. i had a dream of me watching porn. I DID not do it for real. YES ! i don't feel the need to touch myself, but honestly i feel like i could do this stupid thing and relapse really easily. so i must still pay attention, make one with the Force. i can keep on.
Day 1 - Youngling Yesterday was a horrible day and an all time low. I woke up, and went on edging for a solid six hours. I used drugs (speed) to get the dopamine more pumping. I even spend money on a streaming servers. After I was done and realized what is was doing I felt like I just wanted to disappear. I am very ashamed of what happened and feel horrible about it. Later on in the even I went to see DUNE with some friends in the cinema. This character, Mother Superior had a wonderful line that I will remember dearly: "A man who is being lead by his impulses is nothing more than an animal" I'm glad I got out of the house and spend some time with my friends. I don't wanna be an animal anymore.
