The Jedi Temple (open)

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Marcus Aurelius, Aug 25, 2019.

  1. silex_jedi

    silex_jedi Fapstronaut

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    oh and i forgot ! THANKS for this great community you have hosted so far ! @Marcus Aurelius
     
  2. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    I'm living with my mom. I haven't told anyone in my family about my porn addiction. Sometimes I think I should, but I've never been great with opening up to my family. I think I would tell friends before I told them. I did open up to a therapist a couple of years ago, and found that helpful, but he has since retired.

    I actually have developed a good routine in theory during COVID, but I have not been sticking with it because once I start staying up late watching porn, sleep deprivation sets in, and everything else falls like dominoes.
     
  3. sixluv

    sixluv Fapstronaut

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    I want to be a member of it. Consider me in the list.
     
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  4. Luxor

    Luxor Fapstronaut

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    Glad you're back, this isn't an easy path. It will be about two years in January for me since I first started, I've often wondered why I keep the fight up, it feels like such a job sometimes. Everyday I wake up and keep going, somedays are easy some are unbearable. Why do I keep trying even after two years even though I keep having setbacks? The first choice is to just give up and keep going down that rabbit hole of darkness which I absolutely refuse to do. THERE IS NO BOTTOM TO THAT HOLE. You think you're in a dark place now, think of yourself 10 years from now if you just give up. The second choice is to keep trying, analyze your setbacks and constantly adjust your strategy. Use every tool in the world, cold turkey, freedom, therapist even give your computer and phone to someone for a couple of days just to cool off. When you're fighting it you're not going down the hole, you've leveled off. Your not completely done with porn but you're not going down the hole further. Think of it as being in limbo. Not exactly hell but not exactly heaven either. So now I keep going looking for that last tier I guess, not going down the rabbit but not limbo either. Just free from that toxic world, I have to keep trying.
     
  5. Luxor

    Luxor Fapstronaut

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    Day 23, checking in.
     
  6. Hammer0007

    Hammer0007 Fapstronaut

    Hi! Don't give up, friend. I don't know your situation but I can say I relate on most levels, in that sometimes I want to give up, have been feeling low lately and thoughts of not giving up porn / its too hard / if it brings me some kind of joy thats better than nothing. But as someone else said, there is no bottom to that hole! If you continue porn its going to compound and compound so bad over time that you'll hate your past self for not being stronger. Try to imagine 1, 5, 10 years from now if you do everything you know you shouldn't. Binging porn, masturbating, giving up on routines, just barely scraping by etc. Then imagine the same but if you did everything right, everything you know you should do. Try to really visualise the best version of yourself, your ideal life, so you have something to look forward to and motivate you. I know that I am most weak to PMO when I don't care about my future, when I don't have anything to look forward to or work towards in the future, so I look for instant gratification in the present.

    Beyond that, getting talking to someone about your problems helps as well. You mentioned opening up to a therapist previously, if you could find another that would help, or scope out which of your friends you could best open up with. I've started seeing a therapist about a month ago and it really helps me to talk through what im feeling and what I'm doing, and keep me on track so to say.

    Anyways best of luck, don't feel alone, we are all here for each other. Times will get better, but you must do the work, every day.
    Peace
     
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  7. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

  8. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement, guys. I especially like the advice of imagining where I will be 5-10 years from now if I give up porn vs. if I continue using it. That is a technique I've used in the past. Getting back on the wagon is going to take a lot of re-learning.

    I made it through the night last night and the morning today without relapsing. I have a test to study for so I'll be busy for the next couple of days. If I make it through without relapse, hopefully I'll be back here for good.
     
  9. Baller123

    Baller123 Fapstronaut

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    Porn is stopping you from being the person you want to be. You're not a creep who fantasizes over women instead of chasing your goals. You're not a person who like to be alone and socially isolated. Most importantly you're not an enabler of sex trafficking and sexual abuse. But if you keep on this path you will be.

    If you stop now you're not only doing yourself, but the world a service as well. You'll be trying to unleash your full potential to contribute to humanity in any way you can. Excessive pleasure is the poison that dampens an individual's drive and ambition, do not let it get to you. May the force be with you.
     
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  10. Luxor

    Luxor Fapstronaut

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    Small steps, I know its hard to get back into after a binge so just do what you can today.
     
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  11. iamking7777

    iamking7777 Fapstronaut

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    165 Days - Senior Jedi Council Member
     
  12. silex_jedi

    silex_jedi Fapstronaut

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    Day 75... i just came back from an evening run in the cold Autumn night...

    my dear friend... if you ever read this were right, i need to fix my life, how is it possible to think about find someone to love in such chaos ?

    basically what happened is that i left my team for today's project presentation. i was not there for them... i just feel shame for not caring about what i have to do to get the goddamn degree. i don't care about the degree... i don't care about much. i am scared by what have happened during my "letting go" the past few day... my counter keeps on increasing but today i fulfilled 0% of the duties for my school. i played video games... i hate myself. how can anyone work with me ? i can't be trusted !!!
     
  13. silex_jedi

    silex_jedi Fapstronaut

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    Day 76,

    i did not run, i did not workout, i was not that productive. i did watch a "2017 maps of meaning class" by Jordan Peterson. i am sick of school, i don't want to go back to school now that holidays are over, part of me says "f*** it, f*** them, i don't belong there" i wish i had no duty towards my school, but i have and now i look dumb. very irresponsible. i have more work to do now than if i had come the past few days. but i can't see myself working after school. i see a dead end. i have zero trust in my destiny.

    there, i said it. i wish i had a path i could take and commit 100% and feel like i am useful and i am ok with being used.
     
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  14. iamking7777

    iamking7777 Fapstronaut

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    166 Days - Senior Jedi Council Member
     
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  15. Luxor

    Luxor Fapstronaut

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  16. LaUrss

    LaUrss Fapstronaut

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    You need a new goal in life. When I have a goal , Im able to control myself. For example I had a chess tourney, and when I came back , I masturbated, beacause right now, i dont have nothing in door. But when the time comes, I will stop masturbating.
     
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  17. Luxor

    Luxor Fapstronaut

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  18. silex_jedi

    silex_jedi Fapstronaut

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    Day 77
    i thought i would die of a heart attack in my bed because of all this negative energy i have accumulated this week... i did not touch myself but i am not proud... had i touched myself i would have felt physically better, but i can't let go of abstinence... i don't feel bad about not masturbating... at least this is something i can trust. i must face the consequences of my irresponsibility but i don't want to.
     
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