The Jedi Temple (open)

day 22...
i woke up at 5:10AM
i felt stressed all night long... i felt like it could be easier to find sleep if i masturbated. sorry not tonight.

may the Force be with you !

 

592 days semen retention

 

Checking in day 15! Still very strong. Good monday to all of you

 

Day 20, checking in.

 

I made it to day 7. Padawan day! I was having strong urges today but I thought about what are my triggers for my urges and started making a list. To keep those things in mind and to understand what is really happening to me rather than being reactionary. Also I thought of a helpful mental image of what it's like to have urges. Subconsciously it's like I think PMO is a way to deal with stress and anxiety, but really it makes it a whole lot worse. Doing PMO to deal with stress is like being constipated. Your poop is like the stress that needs to go through you and PMO is the state of being constipated. Doing PMO keeps stress actually bottled up inside you over time like constipation keeps you blocked up. You need to feel that stress and anxiety and let it go through you rather than resist or suppress it. After it's actually gone, at least momentarily, you feel relief. But you don't feel that relief from stress after PMO, only after not doing it for awhile and feeling your stressful emotions pass through you. That relief is important in emotional regulation and you're just not getting it with PMO. For me allowing myself to feel stress I think also comes with telling myself that I will be fine with these things that are stressing me out. It will be normal just like in the past where I could handle the situation. There isn't anything to get worked up over and even if there is a problem say at work I will be able to deal with it. Maybe I could even say bring on the stress because it will make me stronger for it.

 

just finished day 2 & 3

 

Day 16 - Padawan

 

Day 1 - Youngling

 

tomorrow i well advance to jedi knight, cant believe it

 

That is incredible!

 

thanks younglin, your day is coming soonest, proper discipline practices you must.

 

when you look back to the pmo side, the pmo side looks back, dont look back , simply flow forward with the force

 

Day 1 Youngling

 

day 23, got enough sleep, got up at 5:38. now i have some work to do !

 

593 days semen retention

 

Rank 4 - Have not posted since day 0 (whoops!)

It is about a quarter to 5am here and I slept for about 3 hours. Normally I get insomnia when I miss my sleeping med, but I took that last night so I think my thoughts were racing. I could not focus enough to meditate at first, so I played Yugioh until 1:30am and then I was able to do my sleepy time meditation and fall asleep. My family's Christmas party was last Saturday and I invited my best friend and until recently, romantic prospect (she did not want to commit to a relationship). I had invited her months ago thinking I would be introducing my girlfriend and the love of my life (and I know that is big to say, but everyone else sees our compatability), but that fizzled out. Anyway, I thought, no big deal, she is still my best friend, and I have started to move on. But then yesterday (or maybe Sunday), Mom told me that Lexie lights up when ever she sees me and that nobody else can understand why we are not in a relationship when we clearly love each other. I don't know what to say? I am not the reason, and everyone knows that, but I fail to understand why Lexie does not seem to know that. I told her I was moving on because she would not commit, but realistically, two months later, I am still madly in love with her, and I know she feels the same way, so I am not sure what I should do to make this happen? What can I say to get her to see what everyone else sees? That I see? I know she feels the same way, she has basically said so, so why are we not well on our way to the rest of our lives? (Note: these are rhetorical questions, not looking for answers from the forum).

Anyway, I was on a binge until Friday when I finally got my act together, though my active recovery did not start until yesterday as yesterday was my first day in two weeks that I accomplished most of my recovery tasks (that is, exercise, reading, meditation, cold shower, journaling, etc). I feel good despite 3 hours of sleep, though I need about 8-9 hours to fully rest (as do most people), so hopefully it is an early night tonight. Semester is almost over, and I am incredibly ready, so I am preparing for finals, and then it is the winter holiday, and then my Master's exams and the start of the next semester. But before I get ahead of myself, it is Tuesday, the last day of classes before finals.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

day 4

 

Day 21, checking in.

 

Day 17 - Padawan

 

checking in day 16