The little changes

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Hope84, May 18, 2015.

  1. Hope84

    Hope84 Fapstronaut

    People ask how you feel. What changed? What super powers do you have? What’s different? So many questions when you reach the 90 day mark, but I thought it was important to share this change for me.

    A little change goes a long way. Or big changes give little surprises. :)

    My change is how I view and show love to women. This was very confusing feeling to me almost alien, because it’s the first time in my adult life that I’ve been able to feel this way towards a women. I know that my brain is healing from this addiction, because I believe I wouldn’t honestly be able to feel this way if I was still engaged in my addiction.

    So what’s the change?

    In the past I used to love/lust women. I believe that love has a spectrum, and that’s where I was. This is all I’ve known, and I would see women and "want" them physically. I know I can love, but it’s not that deep love.

    I've been in love with this women I’ve been dating for the past 2 months, and I felt confused about my feelings. I knew I loved her but I didn’t realize what type of love it was, until now. This is a love/friendship/equal-ship and let me explain. I am attracted to her physically, but that’s not the driving force. The physical takes a back seat, it’s like a 2nd thought. When I see this women, I see an amazing person who is intelligent, artistic, funny, compassionate, trusting, and so much more. All I want from this women is to know her, to understand her, to be with her.

    It’s like she’s becoming my best friend, and who doesn’t want to fall in love with their best friend? I know that I want more in life and I feel that this is the result of me not indulging in my addiction. I can see women as equals, as people and no longer lust after them.

    To me, this is true success. This gives me that extra motivation to continue to stay strong against my addiction.
  2. DannyCool

    DannyCool Fapstronaut

    Wow there is some depth to this comment.
  3. octonacho

    octonacho Fapstronaut

    That is fantastic! Thanks for sharing, I applaud your efforts in changing your life around. It sounds like you are reaping the benefits of this positive change. Best of luck in your journey and in this new healthy relationship.
  4. zippytime

    zippytime Fapstronaut

    I absolutely feel this. I have always believed I loved my girlfriend of 8 years but only now that my brain is beginning to repair from this horrible addiction can I really understand what love is.

    I am falling again for her and this time I genuinely feel it. Whereas before I always kinda felt like there was something missing.

    Well there was. It was respect. Empathy. Real human emotions I had hidden under a safety blanket of fapping and dulled my senses to the subtle yet beautiful nuisances of a true loving fellowship with someone you realy love and respect.

    Don't get me wrong the things she does that used to piss me off still do. But less so. The connection between us though is stronger and more real than ever before.
    Strugglesaurus and M L like this.
  5. Mark357

    Mark357 Fapstronaut

    I wholeheartedly agree with all comments above. I've been married for 7yrs, together 12yrs, and I'm now recognizing her, and other women, from a completely different angle for the first time. Its amazing how the fog lifts.
  6. Cooldude4

    Cooldude4 Fapstronaut

    I second you!!! great insight
  7. NoFapForYew

    NoFapForYew New Fapstronaut

    Wow, this post really helped me realize another detrimental effect that PMO has on us. Porn really devolves our interpretation of women to a more physical/ instant gratification idea - dangerously deconstructing our social interpretation of them, as you've impeccably explained through your post. Throughout college (I'm entering my senior year now), I have masturbated a lot more and the concept of hooking up and just getting a girl to talk to me for more than 5 minutes was completely foreign. I never understood why I had such trouble starting and maintaining conversations with women in college until I finally gave myself a week as of today. This post helped me realize that porn and the freedom to masturbate to the women on the computer screen de-constructed the way I received gratification from women.

    To be as simple as possible, my mind expected that just by approaching a woman I should be/must be rewarded by some instant-gratification like sex (let's pretend that is even a relatively sane expectation) and when reality didn't meet my sub-conscious expectations I was left with my right hand and the depression knowing that I "wasn't good enough for any of those girls I approached." 7 days without PMO has helped me overcome these de-sensitizing hurdles and it is allowing me to find more interest in what a girl has to say than what a girl can do to me in bed.

    I'm really looking forward to re-constructing my view on women

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