The Lord of the Rings Challenge

It happens, It will be better days when you feel motivated

 

Day 72

Feeling a bit better about my sermon, made some good progress and will have it drafted by the end of the day tomorrow. Leaves me with plenty of time to rehearse!

Saw some unhelpful content on Instagram, I’m just so surprised by how prevalent it is and how normal it’s presented as. It sent my mind into places I’d rather it didn’t, but I managed to keep a lid on things.

My friend suggested I start talking to someone who’ll be joining the team soon; while I appreciate his support I don’t love the idea of being set up, I’d rather take things naturally as they come and avoid any false sense of urgency.

 

Of course not, If you read my message you'll notice that I have the same problem, also I am 45. I am in the stage where this produces me, urges, I don't need to go online to find porn substitutes, just go out, sitting a bus, etc.

 

Day 11

Yesterday I was with my wife, and everything was ok. Today I had zero urges, and the chasing effect has not arrived yet. Tomorrow I go to the office for the first time since November; let's see how things are going.

Yesterday I watched with kids the first movie of The Hobbit.

 

day 59

 

Congratulations brother! Fight and be stronger every day!

 

Day 392

 

Day 3 complete!

Seems like a slow day for the Fellowship around here. I hope everyone's doing well! This morning (in church no less--ugh) some really powerful fantasies suggested themselves to my mind, but I spoke to myself very clearly in my mind saying that there are so many other, better things to appreciate about a woman, and I deliberately returned to my prayer. Thankfully those thoughts did not come back the rest of the day. I also had a great time playing soccer this evening for some physical activity, and it was chilly outside! Great NoFap conditions, haha.

St. Teresa of Avila, pray for us!

 

Day 90 complete!

I am a Grey Wizard now. I don’t feel worthy of it because I looked for some sexy girls on instagram and youtube few days ago. But its not a relapse, I need to repent and move on.

Congrats!

 

8 days >> Uruk-Hai
Girls checked out: 0
Coffees: 4
Video games: 50min
Cold shower: yes

 

A good observation. Yeah that's where I'm trying to put my efforts even if it's painful. Without a good foundation it will be difficult to weather the journey of life. I know as I've never had a good foundation and haven't ever really felt okay with myself as a result.

 

Day 4

I've been learning self hypnosis lately and I think it's slowly making a difference. I did a session on the feeling I described last night and I think it may have helped. I've also been trying to address various things such as my feelings of not being good enough and my disproportionate level of anxiety in dealing with women.

Today at work I felt better than normal, especially early on in the day. I feel as though my mood became slightly effected by little things throughout the day, but overall I felt better than normal.

A congrats to @CALM IN SUFFERING on making 90 days and becoming Grey Wizard! It's a tough trek.

 

Congratulations brother on becoming Grey Wizard !

 

Dawn of the 3rd day.

There's that little bit of emptiness. Sites I have the temptation to visit but cannot due to the honour system. I type in the URL but the site does not load. If I wanted I could easily login to my OpenDNS account remove them from the blacklist. OpenDNS is that paper thin layer of defence that keeps me honest. Like "strict search" on a search engine its a great aid if we choose to use it.

Grey areas. No doubt due to blocking these sites I have begun looking into downloading video game ROMS. Many things were going through my head. First, and quickly ignored, I question if I should? Then I wonder, where to safely get them? I know they can contain viruses. Lastly, what to download? My settlement is games I physically own copies of. I tried to add games my brother once owned to the list but, in the end, dropped them. There are lines, like the pornography lines, we are not to cross.

The ROM decision is actually one which dates back nearly 25 years from when I used to download some NES and SNES games. At the time I downloaded some games, such as unreleased in NA titles, to play. In the back of my mind there was a resistance I see I have to listen to. The same goes for reading manga scans. I had crossed some lines into piracy. When I think deeper, I was a porn pirate. Pay for porn? Never.

 

Day 385 no PMO. I have come a long way in my recovery journey and it has been great becoming a man who does not use PMO but I think it is time I shift my focus. Instead of focusing on what to not be (a porn addict) I want to focus on what I am (a child of God and a follower of Jesus) and where I am going. I know God wants me to not be a porn addict but what does he want me to become? I suspect only prayer, patience and listening will reveal the path.

 

Checking in after a long time away. I have basically trying not to use my laptop as much as I can and It is working well. Urges go way down. Feeling aa lot more connected to my wife, keeping an eye out for the chaser effect and doing more exercise. Looking forward to being an Elf!

 

Day 39..

 

Day 0 again friend, I can't seem to make it past day 3

 

Day 20, still strong. Struggling to concentrate at work, but putting in more time today.

 

Check in day 168