Day Zero. Back to square one :'( I'm in a time in my life where I'm really conflicted about what to believe. A lot of pain and fear inside of me. Torn between different paths in life. Very much at a crossroads, and I don't know what to do. I get down on my knees and pray and ask God for his guidance; my mum tells me an answer will come, I just have to be patient. I feel like I've been waiting my whole life and nothing is changing. I feel stuck. I feel lost. So I turn to the old escape route of PMO but it's just so terrible. I felt wrong looking at a girl as an object, looking at her face and knowing that she deserves to be treated with respect, as a dignified human being in her own right. I'm very confused about my sexuality at the moment, and my direction in life. I will pray about it and make amends.