day 3 hello Fellowship. no temptations here today for this Orc. I was having some thoughts while I was doing cardio on my cycle yesterday. not necessarily about PMO. I found myself skipping songs on my Spotify in which the men were praising the woman, wanting to be with her, etc. for example, Shape of You by Ed Sheeran. instead, I listened to the songs in which the women were wanting a man and the rap songs in which they display the usual braggadocio of being confident with women. mind you, I don't condone actually doing the sexual behaviors rappers talk about in their songs. I just find that it builds the ideology of not being a nice guy or just simping for girls. in a previous version of myself, I used to think a girl had to be pursued. I thought that you had to go out of your way to convince her you are the right guy for her. I used to think that being the shoulder she leans on and being there for her all the time would inspire romantic feelings within her. I could not have been more wrong. and that backfired on me. women are not angels. women are not to be put on pedestals. they are normal and flawed human beings, like we men are. because of this mindset and since I was PMOing in my early 20s, I never had any confidence with women. to tell a woman that I was attracted to her, or to indicate to her in any way that I find her sexually attractive was beyond me. all this backfired on me with a girl I fell too deeply and too quickly for back in college. it took me 5 damn years to get out of that depression. I have cried too many tears to make that mistake again. now when I relapsed and PMO'd on Saturday and Sunday, I felt myself craving sex and affection... like the *** I used to be. and I hated that feeling. I know this and so many other reasons to give up PMO and be fed up with it. why am I so weak of mind? I'm not saying I'm right in my way of thinking necessarily, you all are free to input your thoughts about that. but where else can I spew out what's brewing in my mind if not here, and not to you? I don't have anyone else. I hope you are all doing well, it's almost the weekend. God is with us.