Been absent for a while. Day 39, keeping focused though. Some great posts on here! Really motivating!
Day 55 / 1000. Battles won against pmo: 17. Almost relapsed yesterday. Somehow I handle change poorly when going to live to the city. I often relapsed on this occasion in the past - first evening, or next day, or next day,... Was tempted quite much into the night, so I missed some sleep. Why am I still stupid about this? When I experienced first urges, I should have gone for a walk. Today so far it's fine. Had some bad ideas in the morning but they passed quick. Quite depressed. Maybe because of lack of sleep or rainy weather. Depressed or not I have to stay free, nothing is an excuse to pmo. I won't let pmo push me around anymore. Spoiler: Journey stuff Stuff that should help to not pmo: 1. No internet for recreational purposes until 6 pm. 2. Waking up on the same time every day.
0 days >> Nazgûl (You were once a man, a King, now fallen to the power of PMO) Back to Minas Morgul... One day I know my path will lead me back here as I quest to destroy the ring, but right now I know that I am here on less joyous news. Life as a Nazgûl is definitely a dark place to be, and I've spent too much time here lately. I guess the big blow was losing someone who was important to me and realizing how one sided that dynamic really was. In the end it really comes down to my own dysfunctional behavior and how unhealthy the way I relate to others (especially women) really is. I'm also dealing with a lot of hair loss right now which seems like it got a lot worse fast. I've always looked young; people often think I'm more than 10 years younger than I really am. Some people even think I'm still in high school! I guess it's made it easy for me to forget that I'm almost 34 and haven't really accomplished anything in life. I guess I've just generally felt pretty defeated lately, but I'm ready to get back up and be solution focused. I'm going to focus everything I have left on a) getting a streak going again and b) dealing with this hair thing as there is stuff I can do. NO MAN CAN KILL ME!
Day 147 I’ve completed my first year at theological college; it’s a weird feeling, but it was an honour to celebrate the day with those who are leaving to be ordained! Weather was lovely and I had a great afternoon waking around town in the sun. Urges were quite difficult today, almost considered relapsing. I would assume it’s because I’m feeling somewhat lonely, but I am at least feeling better than I did a few days ago.
Day 294 & 295 Good news is I got a job!! And I'm really happy about it. Also I started a diet, intermittent fasting. But the right way, not the way I did before Bad news is that I'm getting really sleepy in my classes. I'm caring less and less for the career... Its like my subconscious is saying: "what for am I studying this?" I have to end this career anyway... Even if I don't care that much about the career itself. I shouldn't fail again in this... Failed too many times already... Idk... Maybe I should just assist little cooking courses and keep working on what I like, cooking... I think I'm about to enter a crisis lol
I relapsed. Day 0 again. I know what mistakes i made, and why i did it. Was because the stress for the exams and because i was in app dates to talk with girls. I fapped 2 times, the first one i took a hot shower after doing it. And the second one i took a cold shower because there was no excuse.
I watched a 3 mins of porn intentionally from a movie. So it is a relapse on hard mode May God give me the power to achieve my goal.
DAY 25 Fellows! Every time you feel bad and have unhealthy urges, observe how your mind try to get you to M or watch P. Treat it as a lesson Good luck on your path : )
Day 2 Low urges yestarday, starting to write in a personal diary but for things that are not related to nofap. Keep strong my brothers
