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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
Great habits there brother. I´m proud of you
thanks, will check it out
Today I had a usual working day,
Dopamine detox - done
Cold shower - done
Talk with my truly self - done
Talk with my porn subpersonality - done
Urges are low, I didn't have any.
Day 4. Last time this was my final streak , I want to do it better this time with the help of God , and I know I can do it, the desire of freedom is inside of me claming to be heared
It’s been so long yet it feels like no time has passed at all, can’t help but feel like I’m losing track of the days.
Today was easier, but still suffering from urges - I need to get out and about!
Check in day 255
It's not but a way to numb the pain from multitude of unfulfilled desires especially if someone in you environment already lives your dreams so the contrast between where you are and where you desires can take you makes you feel pain from realizing the difference which you tried in the past to numb temporary with PMO only to come back to the awareness of the present moment. You can forsake your desires ,but that would make you feel like a looser or you can learn how to live your dreams for now you have the energy to do it.
Checking in day 208.
Had a thought that with stating number of days without pmo there is some hint of the expectation of failure. Something along the lines of 'So many days walked clean, but if anything....I can track the cause or connect the dots why or treating days as some sort of mental treasure with following greed and pride and fear of loosing it floating at the edge of awareness and hardly consciously perceptible...' as well as silly spells of taking pride in the number of days like if spotless part on the overall dirty-tatty dress,like a new patch stitched to an old background because life in many respects still the same with main thing changed but thinking about natural reversibility of changes...
Matthew 9:16 "No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse." How many other sins we engage in whilst trying to have a sinless patch of no pmo? Pride,laziness,foul mouth...
Matthew 13:12 "For whoever has, to him will be given, and he will have abundance, but whoever does not have, from him will be taken away even that which he thinks he has"- What do you believe when it comes to a number of clean days do you have or have not?
Day 0 / 1000. Battles won against pmo: 53.
Time to reset. I didn't mo but I watched stuff that sexually stimulates me. I searched it on purpose. So, I am resetting. Rules are rules. No edging.
For me quitting addiction is about honesty and doing what I say. I drew the line that I shouldn't cross and today I crossed it.
I don't like these slips because they create mistrust. Why would I edge, if I said I wouldn't? Addiction outsmarted me once again.
It seems that I don't have my old ideantity anymore, but I don't have new healthy identity yet. I am stuck in some kind of weird transition. So, what's next?
Day 2 completed. Living the orc life for awhile but better than being a Nazgul.
Day 1 Orc
It started out with thinking I would continue to edge today. Very real sensations and expectations, but it has turned around and I am clean. Went to gym, and swam, sat in hot tub. Feel better about today. Still hallow, but it's manageable for now.
Back to Day 0.
Didn't look at porn, so that's a win, but MO still happened. I am sick of failure. This addiction keeps holding me down and preventing me from becoming who I am meant to be. I want to find success so badly.
St. Rita of Cascia, pray for us!
Day 16. Sting is now back in my inventory where he belongs. Great comments in the fellowship this weeks. Keep it up fellows!
Day 60 complete
After I reported yesterday, I searched for barely clothed women images and wasted abou a half an hour on that. Today I am writing this while sitting on the bed, after this I will not take my phone to the toilet. Morning is a dangerous time, I will be careful.
Day 11 - Uruk-Hai, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr
Day 15 as an Hobbit, complete!
@RiseToGreatness Please add my name to the list
Day 473 no PMO.